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To not like another women to be spending time with my kids?

(17 Posts)
Needsgoodadvice Fri 10-May-13 21:50:50

I'm really struggling to get my head around it, i just dont like it! Not sure how to learn to cope with it? sad

AgentZigzag Fri 10-May-13 21:52:57

Think you might need to give a bit more info than your short OP Needsgood.

Which women are you worried about?

How long are your children with them?

How old are your children?

PomBearWithAnOFRS Fri 10-May-13 21:54:07

Do you mean as the new girlfriend/partner of your children's father?
How long has it been since you split, and how long have they been together? Do you think they are in a serious long term relationship?
Also (like I haven't bombarded you with nosy questions already blush) how old are your children?

Needsgoodadvice Fri 10-May-13 21:58:36

My ex has relatively new gf, thats fine good luck to him. But his time with his kids is no longer theirs its hers as well, he only sees them once a week. They are 8 and 6 and the eldest has stopped going to his dads, not necessarily for that reason but he and his dad don't get on v well anyway. I just not sure how i learn to get used to it?

gordyslovesheep Fri 10-May-13 22:02:31

it's hard but you just have to - for your kids sakes

My ex now lives with the woman he left me for - all 3 kids spend weekends and holidays with them and I have to listen to tails of how wonderful she is etc etc

It does smart BUT they are happy - they like her and they are happy having a new extended family - they are my priority no matter how much it sucks x

cardibach Fri 10-May-13 22:02:31

My ex(D)H remarried when DD was about 4 to the woman he left me for. I had a short period of 'that bitch can't be near my child' then got over it. I don't want him, so good luck to her. I'm not sure it is reasonable to let an 8 year old decide not to visit his father unless there are abuse issues, though tbh.

MsVestibule Fri 10-May-13 22:03:21

But what are you actually concerned about? Do you worry she'll replace you in some way?

Needsgoodadvice Fri 10-May-13 22:12:16

Don't know what im worried about, but i just don't like it! The youngest takes great pleasure in telling me that she has been spending time with her. sad both my kids have additional needs, its very hard coz he's a big lad to physically make him go, his dad has said he's not bothered whether he comes or not....

gordyslovesheep Fri 10-May-13 22:13:37

oh come ON your child isn't 'taking great pleasure' in it - he's just telling you what he's been up to - please don't make your kids feel bad or conflicted because they like her

foslady Fri 10-May-13 22:15:58

When they tell you, grit your teeth and smile - at least she's being kind and taking an interest (that's what got me through the adjustment time).

LittleMissLucy Fri 10-May-13 22:17:44

Its better that your child / children get on with your ExDH's new gf than have them frightened or upset by her.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 10-May-13 22:18:14

Unless he's hooking up with people at a vast rate of knots and showing no regard for being decent about inflicting that on his kids.

Or she is a danger in some way then it really is just a case of having to get over it.

How long have they been seeing each other?

morethanpotatoprints Fri 10-May-13 22:18:55

I don't think new gf or new bf should spend time with future step children for quite a while. I have never been in this position but have 2 friends one of each sex who have paraded a range of new partners in front of their dc and were gone a few months later.
Nobody would be going anywhere near my kids until I knew them well.

gordyslovesheep Fri 10-May-13 22:19:36

what Foslady says - at least he has somebody who is willing to be involved in their lives and who wants to support their dad in being a dad - this is good for them, crappy for you, I get that, I cried for a whole year everytime they went, but you have to pretend for the kids sake x

FreudiansSlipper Fri 10-May-13 22:32:51

It is hard, it does hurt but it does get easier

and really no one replaces you for your children. Ds went away with his dad and his gf, I thought it would be awful but it was fine and when I picked ds up he ran up to me this with his arms out he was as
pleased to see me and I was him and it made me realise how silly I had been

She is nice, she tries hard and ds likes her prefer that to him not liking her

Needsgoodadvice Fri 10-May-13 22:46:33

I don't know her from Adam, never seen or met her.. She has kids of her own who are not usually with her when she is with mine, so when it all goes tits up and knowing him as i do, it will be my kids will be the ones who get hurt not hers, hes only seen hers a couple of times he says.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 10-May-13 23:03:02

*Needs that isn't good. But maybe she is keeping hers away to be able to concentrate on getting to know yours a bit better. But you are right the result would be the same.

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