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To throw my toys out the pram and not go now?

(53 Posts)
sparklestar Fri 10-May-13 15:14:16

I am a little scared to be posting on this page but here goes as I would really like to hear some other opinions!....

A family member is having a celebration party in the summer and we have been invited with our 3 children.
The party is over 300 miles away.
We said that we would go but have now been told that the party starts at 3 until late but all children are to leave before 8pm, after that its adults only.
All our family will be there so there is no-one to look after the children after 8 that wouldn't be at the party and also there is no-one that my children know well enough for me to leave them with - because of the distance, we don't see family/friends there very often. (DC's are 7, 5 and <1)
This means we would have to leave the party then too.
I feel that having made the effort and the cost involved to travel all the way and pay accommodation to be there for a few days it is now hardly worth it and feels like they don't really want us there anyway or why put this restriction on?
Am I being silly to feel like saying - we are not coming now?!?

My children may have totally had enough by 8pm and we would not keep them there making a scene to spoil the party but on the other hand they may be having a fab time and spending time with family that we don't often see and then having to leave at a certain time. The fact is it would be our choice and our discretion but the way it has been done now is making me feel sour!

Sorry, was trying not to ramble but if you have a view I would like to hear it ( I think)!

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 10-May-13 15:15:42

YANBU. It's not pram/toy throwing, it is practical. Anyone could see that it is a big ask.

mrsjay Fri 10-May-13 15:52:08

maybe they just want to get pissed and not want children about I dont think it is a slight on parents and they don't want you all there saying that 300 miles is a really long way to travel imo so you can either go and leave at 8 ( I would do that) or say no we cant manage

LeaveTheBarSteward Fri 10-May-13 15:54:29

I don't think I'd travel 300 miles for a party anyway unless you were turning it into a little mini break. I can see why they don't want kids after 8 but if I were you I probably wouldn't go.

Tobagostreet Fri 10-May-13 15:56:48

It's very likely that due to the licence of the venue, children may not be allowed after 8pm - this is very common.

So, it's not necessarily that they 'dont want you there', more likely that they really do, so they've chosen a venue which caters for kids up until a certain time.

From your post (our/we) it sounds like you have a partner who will be there. Could they take the kids back at 8pm and allow you to party on with your family?

TuttiFrutti Fri 10-May-13 15:56:57

Personally I would go but plan to leave at 8. You obviously want to go, a bit, or you would have turned it down initially.

I can understand them not wanting small children around after 8. I have previously invited families to a lunchtime barbecue and they stayed till after 10, with a 3 year old and 1 year old, who got really whiny and spoiled the evening for the other adults. I wished I had specified a cut off time.

mrsjay Fri 10-May-13 15:57:40

It's very likely that due to the licence of the venue, children may not be allowed after 8pm - this is very common.

oh probably that

Will you be staying near the venue? And if so, could you and your dp take it in turn to stay with the children? Or would your family know of a reliable local baby sitter who,you would be happy with?

Apologies for the rogue commas.

Dilidali Fri 10-May-13 15:59:33

We made a pact, DH and I, we never go to parties/invites that state 'no children' or 'no children after x hour'. Because I really really really hate it. What do they expect me to do with her?
Why is having children there such a problem, they're not all going to put the car keys in a bowl, are they? Kids love a party, they play quite happily and they learn how to behave socially in big groups.
So I wouldn't even have a debate about it.

Dilidali Fri 10-May-13 16:01:36

Mind,mine is not a baby.

Acandlelitshadow Fri 10-May-13 16:03:12

YANBU. I wouldn't go but then I wouldn't go 300 miles for any party let alone one with restrictions.

MerylStrop Fri 10-May-13 16:09:37

Nothing wrong with an adults-only party, depending upon the occasion and the venue

You just have to weigh it up. Going doesn't sound very fun or practical to me.

sparklestar Fri 10-May-13 16:30:19

Thank you so much for everyone's input.
We do want to go but the distance is always an issue but we would get to see our family for a couple of days while we were there.
I am going for the family member more than us. It's to celebrate his wedding (they are getting married with just parents there and then this party is for everyone later in the year)
The venue licence may be an issue but I think they would have worded it that way if that was the case rather than being their preference.
We would probably being staying quite a way away from the venue as we would rather be near family for the other couple of days we are there so if we go, we would all leave together too I think.
Thank you all though, its interesting to hear your views and given me some things to think about.

Shutupanddrive Fri 10-May-13 16:41:28

I wouldn't go

intheshed Fri 10-May-13 16:41:40

Whenever we go to weddings etc with the kids DH and I usually have an agreement that one of us will go back to the hotel with the kids when they are getting tired/ratty and the other is allowed to stay for the party! It usually depends whose friend/side of the family it is. So, as it's your family, couldn't your DH take the kids back to the hotel and you stay on a bit? Maybe book a hotel close to the venue just for that one night?

Or convince your mum/an older family member who doesn't necessarily want to stay up late to do it!

Wearyworker Fri 10-May-13 16:42:25

I wouldn't go, we were invited to a party once, party started at 7.30pm, children welcome but had to be out for 8pm!!
Erm no we'll not bother then sad

LurcioLovesFrankie Fri 10-May-13 16:44:22

"they're not all going to put the car keys in a bowl, are they?"

smile This has made my afternoon.

5Foot5 Fri 10-May-13 16:50:33

TBH if it starts at 3pm and you are there from the start - you and the kids might have had enough by 8pm anyway.

loofet Fri 10-May-13 16:55:30

Yanbu, I wouldn't go either. Seems silly to tire out small children travelling that far for the sake of a five hour party.

I think it's reasonable to have the no kids after 8 rule though, kids <12 should be in bed or settling down for bed by then anyway. They'd just become overtired, most likely whiney and start playing up otherwise which would ruin the atmosphere.

sparklestar Fri 10-May-13 17:06:43

Thanks everyone. smile

Startail Fri 10-May-13 17:17:57

Having DDs who would happily do adult parties until 10.30-11pm from toddlerdom. I'd tell them to fuck off and spend the money going some where else.

I've never had babysitting easily available and can't stand this children are only part of the family sometimes attitude. They are not dogs.

honeytea Fri 10-May-13 17:21:01

I think that 8 is probably late enough for a <1,5,7 year old to be going home, especially after a 5 hour party. If it was your choice when would you plan to take them home?

It sounds like you would be spending time with your family the days around the party anyway so it would be a nice trip.

Startail Fri 10-May-13 17:23:20

Children<12 will be getting tired at 8pm???!!!??!

Scouts and gymnastics don't finish until 9pm on school nights. At a family party on a lights summer evening even 3 year olds aren't going to be tired until 9.30, especially not after a long car trip when most littles sleep!

If a bunch of selfish adults want to get pissed fine, but don't call it a family party,

Shelby2010 Fri 10-May-13 17:25:38

I think you will probably be ready to go after 5 hours at a party with a small baby! Do any of your friends or family also have small children? If they are also leaving maybe you could arrange to meet up with them in the evening.

Alternatively, if you are having fun just don't notice the time until some one tries to kick you out!

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