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To want to go by myself to a music festival?

(94 Posts)
KatyTheCleaningLady Fri 10-May-13 08:13:31

Okay. My husband has been working up in Scotland while I've been living in England, working and being a single mother since Christmas. DH is due to come down to join us at the end of the month, and today he finds out if he has a job he really wants. We are pretty optimistic about that happening.

If he has the job, we are financially set. Yay!

Now, I've been scrubbing toilets and wrangling kids and making decent money, and I would like a little break.

I have never been to a festival. I also have never seen Slayer live. They are headlining at Bloodfest in August. I was thinking it would be fun to go for the Saturday and Sunday, leaving Sat am and coming home Monday am.

I don't think a little weekend away is a big deal, but a lot of people I know are aghast. "You want to leave your husband with the kids while you go to a heavy metal festival?" Er, yes? confused

I have not asked my dh yet as we are focused on the job thing he will hear about today. If it's the good news we're hoping for, I will ask him.

My husband has "let" me take a trip to Los Angeles and a little trip to Bruges. I also go for all day hill walks, etc. I like the occasional break and he's pretty cool about this.
But so many people look shock at me, and make comments to the effect of me somehow having my husband under some sort of unfair control that makes him agree to these things, that I'm wondering if maybe they're right. DH is ok with this sort of thing, but he does grumble a little.

How many of you with dh/dp's would be "allowed" to go off for a weekend like this?

Am I BU?

SchroSawMargeryDaw Sun 12-May-13 23:11:39


And Slayer are awesome live, just make sure you are well away from the pits, the last time I seen them I ended up in A+E and the whole A+E was full of people from the gig!

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 12-May-13 23:08:34


Unfortunately, I've already asked the kid if he would be interested. So, he might be unhappy at a change in plans, although I could probably buy him off with a promise of a camping/fishing trip another weekend.

Numberlock Sun 12-May-13 22:49:08

You wouldn't even be considering taking a child if he'd not put the idea in your head.

Glittertwins Sun 12-May-13 16:29:26

I would not take a child with you. Let your hair down and enjoy it without wondering if he is okay/bored/tired/need the loo!!

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 12-May-13 14:30:22

Well, he sent me a text saying "Have fun and don't catch Anthrax." (har har!) So, I've worn him down.

Still not decided on taking DS or not. I kinda don't want to because I'd like to drink irresponsibly. (Not really. I just mean drinking more than one should if responsible for a child.)

Numberlock Sun 12-May-13 11:28:11

That's not the point though is it, she wants some child-free time which her husband is doing his best to prevent.

Dilidali Sun 12-May-13 11:15:03

Hehe... Woke up this morning with this mad heap of unruly hair next to my face saying: mummy, where can I do crowd surfing? Lol.
I would absolutely go, a chance to wear my 'god hates us all' t-shirt, hihi, mind, we both love this kind of stuff, but what would be even more exciting is taking my DD! So yes, do go, taking son would be a bonus smile.
Go, go, go!

Numberlock Sun 12-May-13 11:14:06

... and when you get back, tackle the rest of his crap behaviour.

seeker Sun 12-May-13 10:48:58

Go alone. That's what you want to do. Do it.

NicholasTeakozy Sun 12-May-13 10:30:40

Bloody hell! Get tickets booked for you and DS1 and tell your H he can just suck it up.

ravenAK Sun 12-May-13 05:47:12

Say 'fuck it' and GO, woman!

I went to DV8 in York on my own a couple of years ago. It's a goth festival, & dh's band were playing the opening night.

I fancied making a weekend of it, dh wasn't particularly bothered, & both of us attending all weekend would have meant sorting childcare - so I booked a single room & had a great weekend.

I don't think kids at festivals is at all a bad thing (we're doing Saturday at Download this year, taking at least the eldest if not all three), but it sounds like you need to assert yourself a little - enjoy your festival, child-free. It'll be good for dh to have to man up a bit back at the ranch.

McGeeDiNozzo Sun 12-May-13 04:49:51

I've been to two festivals alone because I was on the bill at both of them at short notice. The first time, I talked to no-one and hated it. The second time, I found some people I could be matey with, and it was better.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 11-May-13 23:38:48

But I may tell him if he's determined to be unhappy about it, I won't bother taking the kid (unless said kid is deeply disappointed at this change).

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 11-May-13 23:38:11

I will probably go. Maybe my problem is expecting him to be happy about it.

cece Sat 11-May-13 23:32:15

I have a weekend away booked for July. Can't wait.

I did mention it to DH before it was booked but tbh I didn't ask his permission.

MegBusset Sat 11-May-13 23:23:32

YABU at all. I am pretty much over going to festivals now but I go to loads of gigs by myself as DH doesn't like crowds (or half of the bands I like), if I said I wanted to go to a festival he wouldn't bat an eyelid, nor would I if he said he wanted to go off to watch snooker or go walking or something for a weekend. We do not have 100% overlapping interests and we don't feel the need to live in each other's pockets.

This sounds like a bigger issue though. Why on earth shouldn't he take his kids out, or look after them for the weekend - they're his as much as they are yours.

PoppyWearer Sat 11-May-13 23:20:45

Say "fuck it" and go.

PervyMuskrat Sat 11-May-13 23:20:40

Sorry, re-read your last post and you said he'd be grumpy. That doesn't seem fair sad

PervyMuskrat Sat 11-May-13 23:18:41

I came on this thread to say "Yay" to a fellow Slayer fan and to debate the merits of the various festivals, but your last post has put a different slant on things.

You're not taking the piss to go to a festival and be yourself for a bit. My DH actively encourages me to go to gigs he can't be arsed to go to and I always find someone to talk to.

I've had a beer too many to fully articulate tonight but I'm on team "Fuck it, I'm going"

How would he react if you wanted to do something on your own but it was something he "approved" of ?

BeerTricksPotter Sat 11-May-13 23:17:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rambososcar Sat 11-May-13 23:14:35

1. Say fuck it and GO, woman!
2. Start seeking out more supportive, understanding, less biased-towards-old-fashioned-double-standards friends and dump the ones who think you're taking the piss.

LemonPeculiarJones Sat 11-May-13 23:10:46

Sounds like he's the selfish one OP.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 11-May-13 23:04:39

Well, it seems that taking our oldest son doesn't actually make my husband feel better about this. He's just not happy with the whole idea. Honestly, it sounds like he just doesn't like the idea of me going off and doing something that doesn't include him. He wouldn't care if it were knitting, although he would still maybe grumble a bit about me "disappearing" on the weekend. I do NOT go away somewhere every weekend, but he doesn't like it when I do. I think it's something to do with feeling like I am escaping (which I am) and he feels rejected. I'm not escaping him - I just want to go away and do my own thing. I'm probably escaping the kids more than anything. I have always enjoyed being alone and doing things on my own.

When I stay home on a Saturday, he sits and watches reruns of Lovejoy all day and dozes in a chair. He likes to sit at home and relax. If I make an effort, I can get us to all go do something as a family outside the house, but it's a hassle and he doesn't much like it. It's stressful for him to deal with the kids I think. It is for me, too, which is probably why I like to escape sometimes.

I would encourage him to go do something, himself, but he won't. He'll say he can't afford it (implying that I can't afford it, either) or will just sit in the chair and not actually do anything.

Honestly, weekends for me usually mean running around dealing with bored, hungry kids becoming resentful while he dozes in his chair and makes little hints about wanting something to eat. That's probably why I like to escape when I can. My most common escape is to grab one kid and take him with me for a day of running errands, thereby reducing his burden by 1/3 and giving that one kid some one-on-one attention.

My husband almost never does this for me. In fact, I will take all three kids somewhere (not fun, but I will do it) and he absolutely refuses. For six years when we were living in Scotland, I drove down here to his parent's house with all the kids at every school holiday (half terms and a couple of times during the summer). He'd be left at home alone for a few days and I would have all kids with me. I once begged him to return the favour - I thought lazing around an empty quiet house sounded like heaven - and he flatly refused. He said he can't handle driving all three boys in the car for a long journey. Even taking one child out somewhere - even some trivial thing like going to B&Q for something - he doesn't really want to do. He says he can't cope.

Anyway, I don't know if I should just say "Fuck it, I'm going" or if I should be less selfish and not go running off to a festival and stay at home. Because I will feel like a guilty bitch if I go. It doesn't help that a lot of friends honestly seem to think that I'm taking the piss to even consider doing it.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 11-May-13 12:16:42

Nicholas I saw VoiVod back in 1989 or so. I had a terrible flu and I wasn't able to enjoy it, although I do remember they sounded good. I had to leave early.

I would like to see them but it's really unlikely that I can go before Saturday. As it is, I will be leaving as early as possible in the morning so that I can have the tent pitched by noon. It's sort of tempting to go Friday night, but I probably can't leave before tea time so I'd show up in time to see King Diamond and that would be utterly pointless. Given a choice between King Diamond punching me in the face or singing to me, I'd choose the punch.

Bunraku Sat 11-May-13 12:15:51

I don't mean to sound cruel but from what I've seen the experience of festivals for people with kids in their party is a little restricted due to younger kids getting tired if standing/toilet/food/weather as well as the other things like being close enough to the front to actually see anything...(private head banging and shameless singing!!!) and also despite their best wishes there are always mosh pits/walls of death/ circle pits/unpredictable people be it drugs, drink or general douchebaggery, crowd surfers/ flying bottles etc and these can all get nasty. you have the most fun when everyone you bring can look after themselves so you can spend more time enjoying and less time worrying and watching a little person. Also most couples I see there end up falling out. And having my husband there would seriously make me feel self conscious of how I sang/danced and things.

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