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to feel upset @ 38 weeks pregnant..hubby out drinking

(24 Posts)
wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 09-May-13 23:59:46

It's a work thing which I don't mind but I asked that he didn't get drunk/stick to around 3 pints max. My due date is exactly 2 weeks away and we already have a 2 year old at home.
Hubby is supposed to be my birth partner.
Well,the works drinks started at 5.30pm and it's midnight now...no news,no sign of him.
No doubt he will roll in later steaming drunk. I feel like he's chosen booze over his family :-( Aibu to feel so upset?

Jinty64 Fri 10-May-13 06:43:17

I don't think you are unreasonable to be upset,. That is your prerogative but I do think YABU to ask him not to have a few drinks at a works night out. You could go two weeks over and he would be quarantined for more than a month. If you go into labour I'm sure you will be able to txt him.

My dsd chose to get married 5 days past my due date. I chose not to go but I didn't tell dh not to go or limit what he could drink. You can't hibernate.

MsJupiterJones Fri 10-May-13 06:59:10

Yanbu at all. Time for a chat when he has sobered up I think. What would he do if you had gone into labour last night? Plenty more work drinks ahead but his baby will only be born the once.

mytitsareonfire Fri 10-May-13 07:09:23

YANBU for feeling the way you feel about it, having been there myself recently I totally understand. However you would be unreasonable to stop a grown man doing as he likes. But you haven't stopped him anyways so that's not an issue.

I do get the loneliness of the 3rd trimester though, for me it seemed like the whole world was having an amazing time whilst I was glued to the sofa with feet the size of wheels. Then my waters broke at 38+6 and I haven't been on my own since! Won't be long til you're cuddling your beautiful baby and all of this will seem like such a non issue smile

NoWayPedro Fri 10-May-13 07:12:47

My LO came a couple of weeks early and DP had had one wine too many - at home!! Sobered him up pretty sharpish when I said I was getting contractions though grin

Don't sweat it too much if he doesn't normally do this sort of thing. I'd rather he was in when baby arrives if it was me.

Congrats and GL smile

BabyMakesTheBoobiesGoLeaky Fri 10-May-13 07:35:05

He could have stuck to soft drinks,no need to lash the alcohol in and get langered. I don't understand that mentality. He wouldn't be quarantined,if he can't go a few weeks without drinking then there could be a problem.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Fri 10-May-13 07:43:11

Jinty, I really don't understand why people say it's unreasonable to expect a man not to have a few drinks when he goes out so close to his partner's due date. The partner has no doubt managed to go to lots of social occasions over the last few months without getting drunk. Is it really too much to expect that a man can do the same confused

'You could go two weeks over and he would be quarantined for more than a month' The poor lamb hmm

not that I'm 5.5 months pregnant and REALLY want a few drinks, particularly as we're going on holiday this weekend. grin

wedontplaywithelectrics Fri 10-May-13 07:44:54

Thanks for your advice so far ladies. He did roll in just after midnight,set up camp on the sofa and immediately started snoring like a warthog.
This morning,he says "believe it or not, I drank water for most of the night"...I'm not buying it. Water doesn't cause that kind of snoring. Getting lashed and smoking umpteen fags does.
Fwiw I never stopped him from going out. I just asked that he not get himself drunk,just in case I did need him.
He will drink most nights at home too which I'm ok with as at least he has a more sensible pace. It's when he's out with others that he seems to knock them back at breakneck speed :-/

noblegiraffe Fri 10-May-13 07:54:02

Expecting your DH not to get drunk close to your due date is not unreasonable, nor quarantining him if he can still go out and not drink (a month! Try nine.) You need him to be sober in case you go into labour and you need driving to the hospital. He's no use to you wrecked.

Don't feel guilty, it's not like pregnancy hasn't restricted your social life.

RememberingMyPFEs Fri 10-May-13 08:03:43

YANBU! If he's not yet awake, wake him up and ask him how the hangover is and then ask him how he'd feel if you were in labour NOW. How he'd feel in 12 hours with no sleep on top of the hangover if you'd gone into labour at 3am this morning. How he'd had driven to hospital?
That might get him to wake up and be more responsible?!
I'm 28+3 and ensuring DH gets to do what he wants now cos from 37 weeks he's on a max 2 hour journey from home/hospital with minimal booze (his idea too before I get flamed from someone)

Hope all goes well with the rest if your PG and your DH steps up in the taking responsibility stakes thanks

Midori1999 Fri 10-May-13 08:07:27

No. YANBU.

I can't imagine how I would feel if my DH was so drunk he missed the labour and birth, because no sober person wants to deal with a drunk one but especially not in labour. No reason he can't go out and stick to one or two pints. Aside from anything else, surely him being drunk means you would either have to drive yourself to the hospital or get a taxi? I would have been furious, it's very selfish of him.

Nanny0gg Fri 10-May-13 08:33:28

He will drink most nights at home too which I'm ok with as at least he has a more sensible pace.

Pace? How much is he drinking every night?

YWNBU, but I'd be looking at the whole picture here, I think.

Illustrationaddict Fri 10-May-13 08:33:32

YANBU I would have been livid. Faire enough for a partner to go out for say first 8 months of pregnancy, and drink whatever, but in the ninth month, surely it isn't reasonable to get shit faced?! Yes you could go over, but what if you don't? I understand this is DC2, and aren't you less likely to go over on the second? Is it really too much to ask DP to show a small amount of self control for a month Jinty? After all we have to do it for nine months, not to mention the extra self control you need for a good few months after if you are BF. OP didn't ask DP not to drink, only to have a 'few' to respect the fact she could be going into labour that evening. Maybe give him a false alarm just to panic his sore head a bit! ;)

wedontplaywithelectrics Fri 10-May-13 08:50:51

Nanny0gg, by pace at home I mean he may have a couple of bottles of ale or a couple of glasses of wine max to unwind after work. I have absolutely no problem with this

samandi Fri 10-May-13 08:55:37

Jinty, I really don't understand why people say it's unreasonable to expect a man not to have a few drinks when he goes out so close to his partner's due date. The partner has no doubt managed to go to lots of social occasions over the last few months without getting drunk. Is it really too much to expect that a man can do the same

This.

Nanny0gg Fri 10-May-13 09:05:07

wedontplaywithelectrics

Fair enough.

MrsMelons Fri 10-May-13 09:38:53

I don't think its too much to expect that late on as you are really full term. My DH got quite drunk about 6 weeks before boths our DCs were due, he doesn't really drink often and I think it was a subconcious thing.

After that he ensured he was always able to drive, DS1 came 2 weeks early so good job as I was in labour 23 hours so that would not have been fun with a hungover DH, it would have been selfish of him IMO.

I don't see why it is unreasonable, its just a few weeks without getting hammered, if that is a problem then I would be concerned there was a bit of a problem with drinking.

ENormaSnob Fri 10-May-13 09:43:45

Yanbu at all.

NUFC69 Fri 10-May-13 09:45:57

We were invited to a party on my due date - needless to say I didn't want to go. I didn't mind DH going, he didn't drink at all and was at the end of the phone if I wanted him, so no problem. DD was born two days later. I don't think there is any need to stop husbands/partners going out, as long as it is not too far away and they don't drink.

Pontouf Fri 10-May-13 09:49:17

Another who can't understand why people think it's unreasonable to ask you partner not to get drunk for up to a month. As a pregnant woman you mange to not get pissed for 9 months at a time. Having had a pretty horrendous labour three weeks ago which ended in a scary EMCS, I really needed the support of my DH. I needed him to be alert and coherent and be my advocate when the pain was so bad I couldn't express myself. I needed him to not be dozing in the corner in a drunken stupor! I think your DH was incredibly selfish and I would be waking him up and following Remembering's advice.

flowery Fri 10-May-13 09:57:29

If he's having a couple of bottles or a couple of glasses of wine every night he's probably over the limit every night so would never be in a position to drive you to the hospital anyway if you went into labour at night. I'd probably be concerned about that more than a one off, although I would also not be impressed with that.

specialsubject Fri 10-May-13 09:59:05

time he learnt the meaning of 'enough'. He can have some sociable alcohol but he is a parent with responsibilities and his days of guzzling it until he can't stand are now over.

the childish lies aren't good either.

honeytea Fri 10-May-13 10:14:33

I asked my dp to drink at his christmas party which was 3 days before my due date because I was so fed up of being pregnant i wanted to tempt fate and us to end up getting a taxi as dp would be over the limit.

Dp is not a big drinker and had 2 ciders, I didn't go into labour for another 2 weeks.

landrover Fri 10-May-13 10:52:43

You are deffo nbu. You have not been able to drink for 9 months!!!!!
Im sure he can manage a couple of weeks, if men had to carry a baby, they would all be grown in test tubes by now!!!!!(how would they cope?)

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