Advanced search be fed up of being told how awful having a newborn is going to be?

(132 Posts)
Quilty Thu 09-May-13 15:31:49

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and no one seems to have a good thing to say about the first few weeks of having a baby hmm

Yes I know I'll be tired and no doubt stressed and over emotional at times but there must be enjoyable times to be had with a newborn? Why does everyone seem to want to tell me what a shit time I'm going to have?

saintlyjimjams Thu 09-May-13 15:45:49

I loved it.

EasilyBored Thu 09-May-13 15:46:07

Be prepared for how you might feel physically though - I had a rough (ish) birth and lost quite a bit of blood and for weeks afterwards I found even walking up the stairs exhausting and needed to sit down (though the sitting was a different issue). First babies are lovely because you can just slob around. I watched 6 series of Greys Anatomy while eating cake/grapes/anything I could do one handed while sat on the sofa BFing. I don't get to sit down for 5 minutes these days with toddler DS. I miss that! And the head sniffing and cuddles and OH GOD I WANT ANOTHER BABY! (Only slightly joking, not having another)

HeffalumpTheFlump Thu 09-May-13 15:46:08

I talked to my mum about this today as it was really starting to stress me out. Im 17 weeks and all iv heard so far is all the things I'm going to miss, struggle with or downright hate. No one seems to tell you about the good bits and I can't understand why. My mum gave me a more balanced view and said that it is difficult to adjust to but amazing. She also said that the worst thing i could do is to have far too high standards in the first few months. So what if I stay in my pjs all day? I'm going to try and focus on enjoying the enjoyable bits rather than focusing on the difficulties or being too hard on myself for not being perfect.

SuffolkNWhat Thu 09-May-13 15:47:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Thu 09-May-13 15:49:11

Dc4 is 4 weeks old now and I find it a lovely time.

Quilty Thu 09-May-13 15:50:37

Thank you all, really cheered me up!

I wouldn't want to be completely unaware of the exhaustion, sore boobs etc but it would be nice if some people could be more positive! Only a couple more weeks of work to go, hooray!

birdbrain17 Thu 09-May-13 15:51:30

quilty I'm sitting cuddling my 3 week old dd. Yes I'm exhausted and most evening there's some tears when she won't settle at bedtime, but who cares, I love her to bits, she was totally worth every min of pregnancy and every labour pain. Newborns are hard work but gorgeous!!!!! Enjoy your lo when it arrives they grow up quickly!

Tailtwister Thu 09-May-13 15:54:10

Well I found it to be an amazing time, especially with my first baby. From the minute he was born I felt completely content and just at peace. I just held him constantly (DH had to prise him off me for a cuddle when he came home from work!) and stared at him. Thankfully DH was very good at leaving food out for me otherwise I'd never have eaten anything.

So no, I don't agree having a newborn is awful. It's definitely challenging and some babies are harder work than others, but there's certainly the potential for some amazing moments.

Omnishambolic Thu 09-May-13 15:54:27

The theme tune to the (American version) of The Office INSTANTLY takes me back to marathon boxset sessions with DH whilst DD was asleep in her carrycot behind the sofa, I find myself wanting to peek to check if she's breathing (would be majorly freaked out to find her lying there now at 5.6, mind you - "GO BACK TO BED!")

Some people are not very helpful. It's like telling people birth stories when they're pregnant - it's too late to do anything about it, so why frighten them? Take it a day at a time, take lots of photos and video, and have lots of cuddles. And sniff that lovely smell before it goes.

WhispersOfWickedness Thu 09-May-13 15:54:33

The newborn stage is lovely smile Everyone is so happy and congratulates you at every opportunity and you get to put your feet up and eat cake until it's coming out of your ears and receive a million cards and bunches of flowers and open loads of presents which people have bought you the baby.

I did really enjoy that stage, I have very fond memories smile

Then all hell broke loose when each baby was about a month old and only improved once they could walk grin ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!!!! grinwink

NoKandoo Thu 09-May-13 15:58:25

First time with a newborn was unspeakably awful, and was awful for a long time afterwards (not least because it was such a hellish birth). I was in dreadful physical pain, anxious, depressed, couldn't breastfeed, didn't bond easiy, and felt like the crappest mother ever. Second time (medically advised c-section), I was in a completely blissed out bubble of love. There is no way of knowing what it's going to be like for you; I can see why you're annoyed if everyone is being negative, as it might be brilliant for you. I hope so!

Jengnr Thu 09-May-13 15:58:41

I can't remember the newborn stage as a stage. It's just a blur of wonderfulness and madness all in one. We had an early unexpected birth a week after my FIL had heart surgery and four days before Christmas. It was a touch mental.

I remember tons of chocolate, not sleeping (the baby did, it was just me) and wandering round in this dazed dreamworld. A smiley dreamworld.

I took him out in his pram on Christmas Day for the first time and it was the best thing EVER. I felt so proud pushing him and strangers kept talking to me about him and I was so happy they were. It was fabulous!!

AmberSocks Thu 09-May-13 15:59:27

have to say its the easiest and loveliest part for me!you will be knackered for at least the first few weeks but it really is lovely and so special.

abigboydidit Thu 09-May-13 15:59:46

Yes and no. With DC1 I went into it with my eyes open, having seen close friends with newborns. If I hadn't seen the relentless crying/feeding first hand I think I would have been quite upset when DS arrived. However, when DC2 was on the way I kept hearing about the horrors of 2 under 2 and was terrified. I was basically told to wipe out the first 6 months as they would be a living hell..

3 months in and we've had our moments but I would say the highs outweigh the lows.

Good luck OP you'll need it wink

Jembop Thu 09-May-13 15:59:52

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

sort of.

I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, but a lovely happy truck I was glad to be hit by.

MynameisKeith Thu 09-May-13 16:00:05

I think people tell you all the worst bits to 'prepare' you for the fact that it isn't all lovely newborn cuddles, putting your feet up and being the centre of attention. (That bit is lovely, it just isn't the whole picture! smile

My sil didn't get any of those warnings because I am not that mean and genuinely thought she'd be walking out of hospital the next day in size 10 jeans, baby would bf with no issues, be sleeping through the night after a week and she would have an endless stream of visitors while she sat looking serene and beautiful with a baby that never cried.

Inevitably, when things didn't go like that she got horrendous baby blues, was convinced she had 'failed' in some way snd spent the first month in tears. I wish I had spent some time explaining the downsides, and that when someone else has a baby you usually only see the good bits!

Maybe in a very cack handed way they're trying to be helpful op?

*Disclaimer - the bad bits only make up about 20% of the whole...the rest is the most wonderful experience in life! smile

slightlysoupstained Thu 09-May-13 16:03:19

Heffalump's mum is right, the worst thing you could do is put pressure on yourself by having too high standards in the first few months. Take the negative stuff people say and just tell yourself "they're just saying this because they want me to take it easy and not overload myself".

And then think about the next little wriggle you feel, and when you'll get to see your baby doing that move outside and you'll finally be able to tell whether that lump was a bum, elbow, knee... smile

Jengnr Thu 09-May-13 16:03:57

Don't let the midwives and health visitors upset you though.

I was delighted when my boy weed all over one who was being a bitch smile

Thurlow Thu 09-May-13 16:06:15

People tell you because they want to try and prevent you being floored by something they found hard. I do think it would be awful to go in to those first few months thinking that absolutely everyone bonds straight away, copes on little sleep, doesn't eat 5 Mars Bars a day, breastfeeds easily, doesn't get stressed at colicky crying, and then when that happens to you feeling like the worst person in the world and an utter failure... But yes, it can seem annoying.

I think as long as you accept you might live on toast and 8 times reheated bolognese, and that you'll sleep when you sleep, nothing beats having that tiny scrunchy newborn sleeping on you. I watched so much TV and read so many books in those first few months it was frankly ridiculous.

chickabilla Thu 09-May-13 16:06:18

It's incredibly hard if you have a non sleeping, constantly eating one like the one chaining me to the sofa right now butincredibly amazing and lovely too.

And just when you think you can't cope with the exhaustion anymore, they learn to smile smile

YANBU, love and cherish every second of it.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Thu 09-May-13 16:14:10

...and then when you have the baby, other mothers will constantly say 'Just you wait until blah blah blah..'

Seriously. It's amazing, yes. Newborn snuggles. The feeling that you've made a miracle grin Finally feeling like you've fulfilled your purpose in life!

BUT it is hell also. Sleep deprivation is awful. If you're lucky, it will go on for only 7 weeks (mumsnet on your mobile is your saviour at 3am in the morning)

If you're unlucky, you'll still have had no sleep 6 months in (like my friend)

I would say, just go with the flow. Personally, I'm finding my 6month old a breeze compared to her as a newborn, she smiles, she giggles and we have a real connection. Back as a newborn, she was a tiny thing that stole my sleep grin

PastaBeeandCheese Thu 09-May-13 16:16:05

I loved it too. I hated people telling me I would sit in my pyjamas for weeks just looking at the baby not knowing what to do. I was up, showered and dressed and out every morning right from the start because that is what suited me and DD.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 09-May-13 16:17:43

having a new born is lovely smile, yes I was sleep deprived and chained to the sofa bf for a long time, yes there were moments of anxiety but you have this marvellous, beautiful little bundle of joy. There is nothing like it, it's wonderful! I'm waiting for my DC2 to arrive, due NOW and I can't wait!

NoWayPedro Thu 09-May-13 16:17:50

I loved that stage and think its easier than my now 9 mo. Everyone thinks you're amazing for having produced a baby; everyone will say how gorgeous your baby is and you'll be stopped in the street; loads of people to chat to; meals and drinks on demand; loads of help etc. LAP IT UP - ITS AWESOME grin

(I was lucky with an easy baby and no feeding issues so there are good stories out there too. You hear the worst as people get accused of smugness otherwise and to prepare you it can be like that.)

Then everyone assumes you know what you're doing at about 6 mo (still no idea); they start sleeping in the day a lot less (you have to start providing proper entertainment); you can't go to the new parents groups any more as you need to graduate to the other baby groups and you get less help generally as everyone assumes you have a routine confused

Still good though smile

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