to think that this is much better advice than Mariella Frostrup's?(19 Posts)
Mariella Frostrup's agony aunt column in the Guardian this week was a letter from a young woman. Mariella's advice, as seems to be usual for her, was a bit about the person writing in, but far more about Mariella and her opinions on the world (I'm not really criticising that - that's presumably what they pay her for).
In the comments, though, one poster has written what I think is some really cracking advice, not just for the young woman but for others too. The article is here and the comment is one of the first few underneath. Lots of posters afterward saying he should be writing the column instead!
AIBU to think that most of us could take a lot from that? I certainly did.
Here's what he said.
"@Speakingforme - I'm going to cut in here:
1. Screw the credit rating - it means nothing - in 6 years it'll all be forgotten about provided you don't make it worse
2. Self obsession and depression are two characteristics that everybody suffers from. They're just better at hiding it.
3. Are you drinking/drugging heavily - they both lead to this type of obsessing and they prevent you from being able to see the world clearly
4. Nothing in this world means anything. Nothing. - humans need narrative to survive in a world that makes absolutly no sense. We each create our own narrative which has little to do with facts but enables us to believe that we have a point. It's a complete fiction - people that have had a rough ride start creating broken narratives which say that we are no good - we are in a downwards spiral etc. the longer we write this broken narrative the more we believe it. It is a fiction - just like positive narrative. Keep away from newspapers and TV for a while - they trade on fake moral judgements and the human need for titilation, this type of adrenaline is addictive and it will corrupt your personal narrative, if you believe the moralistic boondoggles provided by the news industry.
5. Lighten up. Here's a good one - every night when you go to bed make a gratitude list 10 things that you think you are lucky to have - everything from the love of a best friend to favourite body parts . Be thankful that nature has blessed to with some luck - write it just before you sleep, in the morning read it before you do anything else - you will be supposed how quickly your life view changes.
6. Remember that the future doesn't exist neither does the past - there is only now. You are so young you really have very little to change in the scheme of things and you'll drop these feelings as soon as you find better ones.
7. Don't take advice from Mariella frostrup - like all TV people she is not to be trusted - she's using your worries to further he own agenda - for all you know she may secretly be in the same position as you - no one understands your life like you do and you already have the tools to fix any faults you think you have.
8. There is no such thing as happily ever after, and there is no such thing as the right partner. It's all luck and then a lot of hard work - anyone who can stay with someone long term is someone who is doing a lot of hard work.
8. Whittle out destructive people in your life - they are not your friends, and they seek to drain you of power, you shouldn't need to trust anyone other than yourself - it is unfair to put these responsibilities on other people - they may not be able to give you what you need and then you'll start resenting them and it will damage your friendship.
9. You may not be able to live in this consumerist world we now live in very easily, being good with money isn't everyone's forte - it's a skill and a talent and you may not have developed yours very well. I bet there are a few thing you can do that financially responsible people couldn't touch in a dream. We are all different, but your negative thought is more likely to put you in a difficult situation than anything else.
10. Finally - you are already perfect - everyone of us is unique and equally as important/unimportant as another. If you believe others are better than you then you have fallen for their narrative rather than nurturing your own. Don't be fooled some people set out to make you believe their narrative over your own because it feeds their need to be at the centre of the troop they can then use it to advance their own life - but it comes from the same broken narrative as yours. It's nice to have others think you are the shit but you don't need it.
That'll do for now! Remember, you are judging yourself by other people's standards - screw them and find your own narrative that puts you squarely at the centre as the great and beautiful person you really are."
I often roll my eyes at Mariella Frostrup's advice. I remember one letter where a woman in her late 30's wrote in worried that she'd left motherhood too late, MF was quite brusque with her told her to forget about motherhood............even though MF herself only had her first child in her mid 40's. Obv she left this bit out when giving the advice.
But yes, that is good advice,think I'll take some on board for myself!
I do too squoosh - it always seems very much about her, rather than the person writing in. I'm not trying to Mariella bash with this though - rather to focus on the rather inspiring (to me, anyway) advice above.
I agree. I especially like the points about a broken narrative and trust only yourself, don't depend on others because if hey fail it will damage the relationship. Given me something to think about.
Some of it's okay. Some of it is trite self help shite. This would not help someone who was suffering from serious clinical depression. It's a slightly better worded 'pull your socks up'.
That is spectacularly good advice....and I intend to print it off and stick it on my noticeboard!
Anyone ever read Graham Norton's advice column? It's like advice you'd get on MN.
You haven't been the biggest fool, but I would probably put you in my top 10. After 33 years, you still haven't noticed that guys almost never leave partners for mistresses. Oh, they say they are unhappy, but trust me if a man was truly miserable he wouldn't still be with the girlfriend or wife.
My advice is to look for love a little further afield than the photocopier and try to find a man who isn't taken, otherwise you will just continue to be a fun distraction rather than the main attraction. Aim higher.
You haven't been the biggest fool, but I would probably put you in my top 10.
Dawn where did it say she had serious clinical depression - it doesn't say that in the article.
Ooh Craic that column is very addictive - I've just read several straight off. He doesn't mince his words, does he!
Craic thank you for passing that on, it really made me laugh.
I just read the guy complaining about inheritance and Graham's advice is brilliant.
Graham gives good advice! The inheritance guy sounds like a greedy wanker.
Remember, you are judging yourself by other people's standards - screw them and find your own narrative that puts you squarely at the centre as the great and beautiful person you really are that is a wonderful ideal to live by x
Graham norton is just wonderful, and his version of bohemian rhapsody on father ted is the best ever.
I liked that too Gordy, and the point about personal narratives and that sometimes we're listening to a broken narrative.
Remember, you are judging yourself by other people's standards - screw them and find your own narrative that puts you squarely at the centre as the great and beautiful person you really are
Doesn't sound like brilliant advice for someone who already confesses to being self-obsessed. Not sure I agree that this is possible (if everyone else still thinks you're a hateful twat then rewriting a narrative for yourself won't really help), or even desirable (surely societies exist because we value the opinions of others), but if it makes the person writing in feel better then I suppose it's done its job.
Oh, and he had two number 8s - completely irrelevant but needled the pedant in me!
DoJo I see what you're saying, but I read it more that being 'self-obsessed is actually obsessing about how you are viewed by others - she is full of bitterness and resentment towards others, which ime comes from constantly comparing yourself with others and assessing yourself by their measures. If you stop worrying about what others think of you, what they are or have, and concentrate on finding your own voice and ethics, then I think that's a more balanced way of being. Maybe then she would find she doesn't need to lie to and resent those around her?
And yes, the duplicate point 8 was picked up on the thread and he said he's dyslexic (not sure how that has any bearing though).
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