to be finding parents such hard work?(15 Posts)
I don't know if it is just me. I feel as if I should be more patient and try to appreciate things from their point of view but it is so, so difficult.
My flat is on the market and has been sold. I no longer live in it and asked dad and step-mother if they'd mind dropping the key off at the estate agents (they live a 10 minute drive away.) Huffing, sighing and head-shaking and a bulletin of their movements over the next week and "well we are going away in the motorhome" comments. Eventually I get sick of it and snap not to bother if it's that much trouble. Then I get theatrical sighs and accusations of being touchy and groans and "we will do our best" repeated as if I'm an idiot, I only want them to do such a little thing (both retired by the way.)
This is one thing in a long line of things and it shouldn't bother me but it's a reminder that if helping me is an inconvenience, a nuisance and a burden then so am I and the DC. I never ask for help by the way - it isn't as if I am on the phone every day!
AIBU? I don't think I am, but I suppose my question is AIBU to cry my eyes out?
Yes YABU to cry your eyes out. They sound hilarious. Your challenge: to ask them 10 increasingly bonkers favours over the next six months and see what excuses they come up with. 'We're going away in the motorhome' is genius.
I welcome your sense of humour Joan, to be honest though I can't see it just at the moment! As it is, because they absolutely must go away in the motorhome, I'm going to have to take a day off work, drive for an hour and a half, drop keys off then drive back, for a task that would take them twenty minutes. It hurts I'm not worth even that much.
Are they going away though? It's a bit much to expect them to cancel a trip they have planned to do you a favour, but it's understandable that you are upset if there is a lot of history.
Could you post a key to the estate agent?
They are going away, yes. I'm not sure how planned it is, but it's a motorhome and they go away most weeks to be honest. I definitely wouldn't expect them to cancel a holiday but am a bit baffled as to why they can't drop in en route to Wales or Yorkshire or wherever they're off to!
I'm just feeling a bit vulnerable as am in the very early stages of pregnancy ... pretty horrible knowing that as they won't do such a small thing for me they won't do anything big either, if you see what I mean?
Post the keys, just don't write the address on them. As long as the buyer has access then one outstanding set of keys isn't going to throw their plans off if it doesn't get there spot on the day (when I moved into my flat, it was a friday afternoon when the sale went through and the dimwitted estate agent actually posted the keys to the property which we then had no way to access).
All buyers are usually advised to change the locks on purchase anyway.
It's a tiny bit more complicated than that - thanks, though. It's just made me feel like there's no one I can turn to for help with anything.
Off topic a bit but no one's ever suggested to me I should change the locks on purchase!
Ring the estate agent and ask them whether they want you to post the keys or would they rather come and get them from you.
I don't blame you for feeling a bit crap, they are being remarkably obstructive. I would start working on not taking it to heart, though; I doubt it's personal. My mother very wisely says that whatever people's personalities are like, they become more like that as they get older. So if they've always had a selfish streak, that will get more noticeable. It's really important that you don't break your heart over it though, so it's time I'm afraid to lower your expectations.
I don't know I had any real expectations, is the strange thing! As I say, I think I'm just feeling particularly vulnerable as I don't feel I can ask them anything at all, and have visions of dying and leaving DC alone in the world and they'd still turn their backs (and they would.)
I suspect I'll be like your parents when I'm older. TBH, I find myself increasingly doing that 'but I'm going away in the motorhome' thing more and more now, and I'm not even middle aged.
My problem is that I have my plans all worked out and i know what's going to happen, and then someone suggests something slightly different, and I get stressed for ten mins or so until I get my head round it again. I don't like it if the plans are then changed back again, either.
I guess I could understand it if it happened all the time, but it doesn't. Last time I asked them for help was last July (met them at a local pub to collect something, they drove five minutes, I drove an hour and a half, and they still complained!)
Mmm, I have a nasty side.
Why not buy some cheap and nasty crap off eBay and accidentally get it delivered to their address. Then ask them to post it to you. Do this 3 or 4 times a week and bask in the glory of their annoyance.
Well if they're going away in a motorhome they can drop the keys off on there way!
Reminds me of something I posted in AIBU when I was also in the early stages of pregnancy too (dd now 3.5 mo). I got lots of helpful advice and perspective about my unhelpful DM, and resigned myself to her being of no help whatsoever with dd. Fast forward and she is being an absolute star and way more helpful than I thought she would be - don't give up hope .
flip side is you don't have to feel guilty when they need your help later down the line.
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