To wonder how so many people seem to have so many nice things?(134 Posts)
I'm sure I'll get told it's none of my business but here goes...
So many people that I know seem to have so many nice things, and so much money, and to be honest it confuses the heck out of me as to how they afford it. We have 3 children, we both work and our income is fairly high but we can't afford the things that some people seem to afford easily.
To give a couple of examples:
A friend of mine works part time as a teacher, so obviously doesn't earn a fortune. Her husband has started a business, about 2 years ago, and my friend says it's not making any money yet. They live in a massive house, worth over 350k, all beautifully furnished. Cath Kidston this. Laura Ashley that. Loads of Next furniture. That kind of thing. I saw her yesterday and she had her 2 DCs with her on their bikes and I said I liked their bike helmets and she told me that each helmet was a whopping £50!! She has also said before their weekly food shop is over £200. I just don't know how they afford it. They don't exactly skimp on things for themselves either and have plenty of clothes and holidays.
Another friend, who is a stay at home mum, and whose DP works in a factory, posted this morning on her Facebook that she was "road testing the new Cath Kidston bedding". Which isn't cheap. She has one baby girl and seems to have so many nice things for her baby; a brand new bugaboo, expensive nursery furniture, designer clothes for the baby. And then lots of nice stuff for herself too. She's always spending money in Topshop, River Island, Monsoon, and those kinds of shops. Never Primark or New Look or anywhere budget.
I'm just fascinated really and am wondering if we're missing a trick to afford all these nice things. As I said, we earn well but our bedding was £12 in Asda, the kids wear Primark and George clothes, and I can't afford to spend anywhere near £200 on a weekly supermarket shop!!
I wondered this about a friend of mine who had 'the best' of everything - what she failed to tell me was her DH, two DCs & herself had been living between her parents & inlaws houses for a few months as couldnt afford rent on their own home , so by living with them, they were not paying mortgage, bills etc & then when they did move in to a beautiful new-build house, it was all paid for by their parents. So the money they could/should of been saving to provide for their own little family & save for their own home etc, they were infact spending on luxuries.
They were also given an inheritance which enabled them holidays etc.
my friend never seems satisfied though, so money doesn't buy everything
I do have nice things, but i don't have kids. I can't have them, if i could, i wouldn't be able to afford them (but would still have, and go without the nice things).. I have never had a credit card or a loan..too scary. I do have an overdraft, which i use... I have always been in work, but i've always had badly paid jobs, usually minimum wage. But that's manageable when you don't have dependents. So I have had the nice hols and buys although not so much in recent years. And i prioritise../sacrifice when need to. I don't go out much anymore. I don't drink. I don't smoke. At the moment it's tough as i'm not well and on ESA. If i want to treat myself to something nice, I'll eat cheaply for a few days to pay for it (and i mean really cheaply) so i can have that treat. I'm not a big foodie, that's just how i'd pay for something i wanted but couldn't justify. I still run a car, as i need it. I will always go without stuff to pay for my pet or car if need be. My friends with kids..inc the single mums...it's done with credit and loans. They buy less than me but a lot of them live better than me. I don't have a house or garden for example. And most of them have a better social life than me.
When i am working, i am pretty bad as a shopaholic and spender..i wish i could save. I kind of justify it to self by saying i have saved thousands as i am infertile... probably some of it is to cheer myself up (doesn't really work, if am honest..'stuff' can't ever fill that gap) I have had friends with kids comment on me having something new or asking what i spent (which i would never ask!) or being resentful if i was going abroad..but i always pointed out that they have something i don't have and would rather have....
Me - single parent, low income, teeny tiny mortgage nearly paid off, generous parents, so spare cash every month.
Have you had some counselling or support in RL re your infertility as it sounds like you are really hurting.
Have an unMN (((Hug)))
Sometimes you realise how little having "stuff" matters.
Must agree with Shanghaidiva !!!! Perhaps you should be happy with what youve got rather than what youve not got!!!!!
Have a nosey on the special needs blog and read what folk are 'moaning' about there!! Your right 'alltoomuch' , you do realise how little having stuff matters!!
thanks Chazs. I have just started counselling (for something else) but this week i did bring up this very subject and it helped...so i will explore it more. It does seem to be at the base of many of my problems. I do shop to cheer myself up. However..when was younger and not bothered (and not really sure if i was infertile) I still balanced it out...if i wanted something badly , i would go without other things. So, i have always appeared well dressed and well groomed, even now when out of work. You don't need lots of money, to not look cheap, if that makes sense. I have friends who would say for eg 'oh All Saints, isn't that disgustingly expensive?' if asking where my new top was from. One even says, 'well it's alright for some'. It's about priorities. She could buy it if she desired...but she has takeaways several times a week. She drinks. Buys DVDs. Convenience food. etc etc. I do none of those things..if i did,i couldn't have nice clothes, fill my car up etc (she has kids , but doesn't drive) It's all swings and roundabouts. What is one person's luxury is another person's norm and so on.. Of course to most, a car is a luxury. But i do need mine. I went without tv for years. I was very late getting a mobile phone when they came out. I'm not into gadgets. I would never own an I pad. Having an exotic pet now i'm out of work is now of course a luxury, but he's my responsibility. So i will eat cheap and not go out socialising, to give him quality of life.
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