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to ask how do you do it?

(295 Posts)
catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 06:59:55

DS wakes at 5am - 5:30am every day.

Then I have to go to work all day, then come home, feed him, play with him, bath him, put him to bed, tidy the house, do laundry, finish off some work, eat, get ready for work, maintain some semblance of a beauty regmine (and mean finding time to wash my hair or shave my legs, nothing intricate) and try to have some quality time with DH.

DS is amazing. He's worth every 5am start, but I am so tired today and have a busy day ahead. I do get a lie in on Sundays but it feels so far away today!

How do you cope with it? Any top tips?

Coffee is my good friend, but I'm considering swapping sweeteners for speed.

ninjasquirrel Wed 08-May-13 07:23:58

You prioritise sleep. When DS was waking at 5 for about 9 months, one of us would do the first hour, then swap and go back to bed for an hour. And sod 'quality time' - early nights all the way. It sounds crazy to me that your DH is getting so much more sleep than you.

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:24:43

He is at home all day

3 days a week on his own, 2 days a week with DS

He does cook most nights

llamallama Wed 08-May-13 07:24:58

My DD is 19 months and both me and my DH work full time.

She gets up at 6am, DH leaves 6.30am. That first half hour is just cuddles and books in bed while DH gets ready and goes. Then I have 45 minutes with DD to get up and out. I serve her breakfast and quickly load dishwasher and put a load of laundry in (put laundry on delay timer so it finishes as I come in from work) that's the extent of house stuff in morning.

6pm we are all home. So it's play for 30 mins. DH does bath. I empty washing machine and do a quick 20 minute tidy. Then it's milk and night garden for DD. she is in bed by 7.15. DH cooks dinner. I sit down. After dinner I do a quick kitchen tidy and that's it! I shower before bed.

Cleaners once a week for 3 hours. My daily routine is quite polished now and it's enough to get things ticking over till cleaners come. No one is home during the day though so less mess creation time. Your DH needs to step up it seems!

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:25:37

I go to bed about 12pm which is way too late but otherwise I dont seem to get any downtime. I dont sit down to eat till half nine / ten most nights

Tortoiseontheeggshell Wed 08-May-13 07:26:37

He is at home without his son three days a week, and he has a cleaner? And you do the early mornings?

Fuck me, some men don't know they're born.

Katnisscupcake Wed 08-May-13 07:27:26

I second the groclock. Gave DD one from about 2 years old (or just a little older) so 17 months is a bit young. But definitely get one in a few months. You set it so that a lovely star on the screen changes to a sun at whatever time you set and they are allowed to get out of bed when the sun is up. Helps with the change between light/dark mornings aswell!

Until then, I have no idea because I had a 5.30am riser aswell... Sorry..

ninjasquirrel Wed 08-May-13 07:27:45

What would happen if you told your DH he should do half the early mornings?

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:28:28

Groclock sounds good smile

Am counting down till he's old enough! grin

Tortoiseontheeggshell Wed 08-May-13 07:28:48

Catgirl, honestly, do you not see how ridiculous that is? Your partner is a SAHD, with three days of fulltime childcare AND a cleaner, and you're the one doing the bulk of the housework as well as working fulltime.

I am utterly gobsmacked. You do realise that a SAHM who posted here saying that she had a cleaner, three days a week of childcare and her breadwinner husband did most of the housework would get fucking crucified, yes?

GoodtoBetter Wed 08-May-13 07:29:02

So, your DH is at home all day (3 days without DS) and you´re doig most of the housework????? That is why you are knackered my love. Your DH is being a lazy git, honestly.

dogrosie Wed 08-May-13 07:29:14

catgirl, this is meant kindly, but what time does DS go to bed and what do you do after that? It's craziness for you to be in bed that late with an early start.

Can you eat with your child when you get home and take the time after DS is in bed as 'adult time', your downtime, and still be in bed by 10pm?

Euphemia Wed 08-May-13 07:29:50

Your DH is at home three days by himself, you have a cleaner and you're run ragged?! Your DH is taking the piss, big time.

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:30:22

I know tortoise

I have been told to LTB a lot on here. But I don't want that

Things have improved from where they were, so I am working on it

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Wed 08-May-13 07:30:50

If he got up at 6.30 instead of 7.30, you could use that time to wash your hair and shave your legs. Why is your day an hour and a half longer than his? Surely if he got up earlier like you do, you would have more free time then to get stuff done.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 08-May-13 07:31:17

Catgirl - your DH is a lazy twat. 3 days at home alone doing nothing? He should be doing the early mornings, all the housework and laundry.

But you know this, because that is what people have said before. I am really sad to see that things are still the same and that he is taking you for a mug.

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:32:04

DS goes to bed at 7:30 dogrosie

Then I do some work for an hour or two

Then a bit of housework . laundry. Get stuff ready for work

Then eat about half nine to ten, Then watch a film or something with DH

karinmaria Wed 08-May-13 07:34:35

It does sound like your DH needs to do more! If he is at home he can do house stuff like clean when your DS naps and should at least be doing the early starts on the days he is home.

You're being superwoman at the moment - my DS is only 5 weeks old and I couldn't imagine keeping up your schedule and would probably kill my DH in his sleep if he didn't help out (bear in mind he's now returned to work and I'm at home with bub all day and still he is like the cleaning robot from Where's Wall-E on his days off!).

ohforfoxsake Wed 08-May-13 07:34:47

You need to eat earlier, and go to bed

Is your DH dicking about on MN all day?

Whitewineformeplease Wed 08-May-13 07:35:11

Are you being serious? Your DH is at home all day, three of those days your DS is at nursery, and you have to do the cleaning and the laundry? What does he do on the days he is off? Can he really not stick a load in the washer, tidy up a bit, cook dinner? Does he see how stressed you are?

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:35:39 dicks about on on-line games

I dick about on MN grin

Tortoiseontheeggshell Wed 08-May-13 07:36:04

This is an improvement?

Right, well. Presumably he's shit hot in bed then, because I can't imagine living with a man who thinks that your basic needs for sleep and rest are so unimportant that he is willing to treat you this way. Who has such utter contempt for the concept of you as a equal human being that he lazes around on his arse all day and then watches his wife stagger up at 5am every morning ready for another seventeen hour workday.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Wed 08-May-13 07:38:52

Ok, he cooks most nights. But he is an adult, he is quite capable of doing things like hoovering, stacking the dishwasher etc while he is at home with your DS.

If it was 'impossible' to get housework done when at home alone with a toddler, my house would look like a cesspit. And it doesn't well, not all the time...

I am a Lone Parent. My toddler has hyperactivity and probable autism. I also have 3 older DC's. Two of them have SN's. I manage to fit in hoovering, washing up, clothes washing, and keeping the toys tidy-ish with him around.

I also have to fit in the toddler's Physio, speech therapy AND play therapy in the 5 hours I have outside of school run times.

Your DH needs to pull his socks up and start acting like a bloody grown up!

It's NOT you. It's him, and his lack of effort, that is leaving you feeling exhausted. He needs to do his fair share.

And if, like me, he can't get it all done with a toddler about, then he needs to do what I do, and stay up later to make sure that all the jobs are done!

catgirl1976 Wed 08-May-13 07:39:26

He's getting up now so I will have to go and get ready for work

Yaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwn sad

quesadilla Wed 08-May-13 07:39:38

Welcome to my world. There's no magic formula. Liking your job helps, but it won't stop you feeling permanently Knackered. It's just a case of taking it a day at a time and not feeling guilty about snatching down time when you can.

Whitewineformeplease Wed 08-May-13 07:40:16

Catgirl you asked how we do it. We do it because we don't have a partner who takes the piss and doesn't give a shit about anyone else. If you've been told to LTB on here before, then I'm not really sure what you're looking for here. I'm certainly not going to help you come up with strategies to continue to do everything, while setting a really bad example for your DS regarding who does what in a relationship, while your DP has a free ride.

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