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AIBU to change my mind about this night out now?

(16 Posts)
CrapBag Tue 07-May-13 20:10:22

A friend of mine will be having a night out soon, for her birthday (not significant age) and to celebrate something. I did say before that I would be going (this was a couple of months ago when she mentioned it).

Now though there is a clash of dates. There is something at DDs school that I didn't actually think she would be interested in but she is and wants to go so I am going to take her as its more of a priority over a night out and its something that she got really excited about when I asked her (I was making a bit of an assumption about her not wanting to do it and I was wrong). I am going to take her out for tea first and make it a bit of an occasion as I never get to spend time with just me and her now. It is on in the evening of this planned night out, but I would be home by about 8.30ish.

I admit I am having second thoughts about the night out anyway as I know my friend will invite a lot of people I don't know, and others I do but don't really have much to do with anymore, we used to be more of a group but I feel like I have drifted away from them really although my friend would tell me its not like that if I brought it up (but this would be if I actually see her, I don't see her much at all anymore, a case of she wants a catch up when she can fit me in somewhere). I feel very socially awkward around people I don't know or if there isn't some good friends there at least.

Another reason is another friend of mine is likely to be moving away and going to have a big goodbye night out just after this first night out. I definitely can't afford 2 nights out, plus they take their toll on my shite health so I go out very rarely and just suffer the consequences after. It has to be really worth it for me to go on a night out. A friend moving away for good would be more of a reason for me to suffer after, plus there would be a lot of people I know there as well and it wouldn't be after me taking DD out beforehand, which will tire me out.

I have a feeling that if I tell the first friend I can't go out for her birthday and celebration, then she isn't going to like it too much as she told me to mark it down months in advance as our next night out. Even apart from my health though (which is a reason in enough for me to only have 1 night out that month) I definitely can't afford 2 nights, plus there is the clash of events now.

WWYD and AIBU to say to first friend that I can't go on her night out now?

squeakytoy Tue 07-May-13 20:20:59

Can you not go on both nights out but not drink? That way it wouldnt cost a lot of money at all?

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 07-May-13 20:25:39

I don't see an issue here.
Spend the evening with your daughter and tell your friend.
And if you fell like going on the second one just go.

OwlinaTree Tue 07-May-13 20:26:17

It depends on how important the friendship is i guess. It's a tricky situation tho. Does the friend want you there cos you are a genuine friend or are loads going to make her look popular?

Could you go for a bit after the thing at the school? Then go to other party too without feeling to guilty?

mrsjay Tue 07-May-13 20:28:51

I would go to the school thing tbh what is it out of interest <nosey> if it is something your dd wants to go to I would cancel the night out and just say you forgot or would rather take dd to this, Just go as you said you dont get many opportunities that you do stuff together,

CrapBag Tue 07-May-13 20:29:24

No I can't. It isn't just the drinking, its the energy as well. Plus I would have a shite time not drinking. I don't enjoy being around people who are all drinking if I am not and I am one of those who needs to drink to have a good time blush. I can't dance without alcohol (which also numbs any pain temporarily) and I don't want to go and just sit, feeling a bit miserable and then leave early. Its also not a great part of town, you need to be drunk to enjoy it there. grin

mrsjay Tue 07-May-13 20:30:41

god go to the school think crapbag it would be miserable if you couldnt get pissed have a drink

zeeboo Tue 07-May-13 20:31:39

Kids come first. I wouldn't even turn a hair, just ring her and say "sorry, dd does want to go to the school thing"
End of!

CrapBag Tue 07-May-13 20:32:52

Its a circus thing, jugglers, acrobats, fire eaters etc. Does sound good and DD would love it.

She wants me there because I am a friend, I just feel less so these days. She sees other friends more than me (not trying for pity or anything, just how it is). She says I am probably her best friend but there is rarely any time for me, I'm not the one who is busy and can be free pretty much anytime, but she isn't the same. She does see a lot of the others who I thought I was part of the group as well but it turns out I am not really.

LittleMissLucy Tue 07-May-13 20:33:43

Don't go. Your other options sound a lot better, tbh.

CrapBag Tue 07-May-13 20:34:34

Yeah you are right. I will say that about the school thing, that's not a problem. I just have a strong feeling she will try and talk me into coming after seeing as I can be home by about 8.30.

mrsjay Tue 07-May-13 20:36:09

did you think thank god when your dd said she wanted to go to school or did you feel dissapointed (sp)you couldnt go to the party, you seem to want to go to the school just go tell your friend you can catch up another time and then you can have a drink at home when you get in smile

CrapBag Tue 07-May-13 20:44:48

I was relieved actually. If I really really wanted to go out, DH could take DD and I would stay at home with DS and get ready then leave when DH got home, but I want to take DD and spend some time with her.

Seems like an easy decision when I realised I was relieved. Friend will have to understand.

mrsjay Tue 07-May-13 20:47:36

Seems like an easy decision when I realised I was relieved.

see enjoy the circus smile

OwlinaTree Tue 07-May-13 22:09:37

Yes, sounds like she is a genuine friend but you don't want to go. Just be gentle when you pull out so she isn't too upset. I know if she's a real friend she'll understand, but she did ask ages ago so be tactful!

Have fun at the circus

CrapBag Wed 08-May-13 15:46:41

Tactful. Hmmm, may need some practise at that one. grin

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