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To expect my DH to let me know roughly what time he'll get home?

(49 Posts)
Beccadugs Tue 07-May-13 19:10:56

I know he is currently v busy at work with a deadline on Thursday, but I don't think it's too much to ask that he give me a vague idea of when he'll be home. If he is going to be v late ill have supper without him. We had also talked about taking the dog for a walk together and it's going to get dark.

His mobile is crap, and often drops signal so I have no way of getting hold of him. It just makes me so irritated, and I think it's frankly selfish on his part not to think about me.

foreverondiet Wed 08-May-13 07:07:09

I agree to a certain extent but I am used to this and DH knows I eat at 8pm at the latest. I often stick his serving in fridge - he eats it another time.

DoJo Wed 08-May-13 00:14:49

I love the idea that wanting to know whether you will be able to share some time with the person you love is stalkerish. Even if he is caught up in his work, coming home should be something he is looking forward to and thinking about at least enough to drop you a text.

Joiningthegang Tue 07-May-13 23:20:28


chattychattyboomba Tue 07-May-13 23:16:20

I agree with you to an extent OP. being in a relationship means you co- exist. It may sound old fashioned but this involves considering that someone may be trying to fit their life around you too so that you may spend more time together. Alone time is important but why should you have to wait around not knowing if and when someone will show up?

LooseyMy Tue 07-May-13 23:09:44

As a long term singleton threads like this amaze me. Do some people cease to function independently when in relationships? Why should his hometime affect you doing any of those things?

livinginwonderland Tue 07-May-13 22:54:18

i can see both sides. if he's really busy with a deadline, that's what his focus will be, not texting or calling you.

however, if you're going to be cooking or have things to do, it's only polite that he lets you know if he'll be really late.

DP always texts me if he'll finish late so that i can plan accordingly, and it only takes seconds. so, i would say YANBU, but i can see where DH is coming from too.

Beccadugs Tue 07-May-13 21:37:53

Thanks for everyone's views. As I have requested a rough idea of when he'll be home! Always nice to polarise opinion!!

HollyBerryBush Tue 07-May-13 21:11:35

I'm always nonplussed at threads like this.


VerySmallSqueak Tue 07-May-13 21:09:28

Agree that you will do your own thing.
Leave him to do his own thing.

mrsjay Tue 07-May-13 21:06:27

Ok you need to eat wen your hungry take the dog out when he needs it but your husband needs to say if and when he will be home a text would do, even if he has no clue he really should tell you it is just manners imo, he probably doesn't know what time he will finish but a quick text, I do think you need to do things to suit yourself when he is working late I know I have to with my DH work id starve if i waited on him some nights

LittleMissLucy Tue 07-May-13 21:06:17

I'm bored of commenting. THis thread seems pretty polarized. Half think yabu and half think yanbu. Good luck working it all out op.

LittleMissLucy Tue 07-May-13 21:04:33

You think no one is that busy Fairenuff but you don't actually know what a lot of people's work is like, first hand.

Fairenuff Tue 07-May-13 21:03:12

what if you have 3 calls ringing and people lined up outside your door and 100+ emails to wade through? A 30 second call in those circs is asking a bit much

I disagree. 30 seconds would not make a jot of difference to any deadline. No-one is that busy unless they are in the middle of open heart surgery or something equally life threatening.

Manners cost nothing. If you can't give 30 seconds to your nearest and dearest then you might need to reconsider your work/life balance.

Equally, the person the other end should also be respectful and ask the 'worker' to let them know if plans change, not just expect them to know that they want them to call. Which is why I was asking OP in the first place, if she had had that conversation with him or not.

ShadowStorm Tue 07-May-13 21:02:33


Agree it's good manners to let your DP know if you're going to be home much later than planned.

Obviously if someone's working to a deadline, they won't be sure when they'll be finished, but even so a quick "No idea when I'll be done, assume I won't be home till v. late, so carry on without me" text sometime during the day / evening would be considerate.

MrsOakenshield Tue 07-May-13 21:00:18

if you know he's working to a deadline then leave him to it and do your own thing. It's only till Thursday! Not for weeks on end! DH has an annual project where he has to do 2 weeks of 12/13/14 hour days - I don't expect a daily update. He'll be late. That's it. I sort me and DD out without reference to him and if he's back earlier, jolly good, he can have beans on toast.

Slobberedupon Tue 07-May-13 20:54:40

I'm the one in my marriage that is likely to be late with DH at home cooking dinner, I work in a very hectic demanding environment and agree that it's good manners to call or send a quick text stating that you're going to be late, not sure till when but to ahead without you. I've been in meetings with extremely senior people where someone has made an apology to the group so they can quickly let their DP know that they were going to be late. Most people have absolutely no problems with this.

I think it's just general consideration to your DP no matter what your sex you are....

dyzzidi Tue 07-May-13 20:47:22

I think yabu. In my job if you are working to a deadline you may think you are five minutes from meeting it but then a problem hits and you are another couple of hours.

Get on with what you need to leave him a plate to microwave and leave him be.

IME if I text dh to say will be an hour but then am in a meeting with four people which is dragging on if I take a loo break to text him I will be another half hour the meeting is derailed and takes even longer and dh is pissed because I have messed him about.

TantrumsAndBalloons Tue 07-May-13 20:45:55

But what if you don't know what time you will be leaving work?

What if you have to stay at the office until stuff is finished?

Is it better to say ill be home at 7 but not actual be in until 9?

LittleMissLucy Tue 07-May-13 20:45:04

There is of course the issue of not actually knowing when you'll be done and it being a total waste of work time to try and figure that out and stuff it into a text.

I'd be happy with "on my way home now" and I'd expect my DH to be happy with the same.

Mintyy Tue 07-May-13 20:42:22

roffle at the swaggering about deadlines on this thread!

"He has a deadline ffs" grin

It takes 5 seconds or less to send a text saying "Home at x time"

TantrumsAndBalloons Tue 07-May-13 20:41:38

But to be honest if he is working to a deadline and the OP knows he is working to a deadline and he doesn't know what time he will finish, why would he need to call?
Surely the OP knows he is under pressure and doesn't know what time he is finishing? What's the bloody point of keep asking?

Tbh I would be pretty annoyed if DH was ringing me at work to ask me this.

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 07-May-13 20:39:46

I'm not going to debate the rights and wrongs OP but even before I married DH I learnt that 7ish meant 9ish. It was perhaps easier because I knew he was entirely faithful and had I phoned him at work, on his work phone ( which in those days was the norm) I knew he was at his desk. And if he didn't answer there were other staff around. In some ways pre-mobile days were easier.

23 years on - it was worth letting him be a workaholic but not always easy with a young family. I used to eat with the chidlers and have a glass of wine with him when he got home.

He texted me five mins ago btw to say sorry but just leaving and I have been at a family funeral all day. I'll be pleased to see him in about 35-40 minutes!!

scaevola Tue 07-May-13 20:39:01

If there's not time at desk, then phone from the loo. Even the maddest times I've worked, people manage to urinate in a loo, not a pot under the desk.

TantrumsAndBalloons Tue 07-May-13 20:37:10

Of course there may not be time to make a 30 second call.

When I am snowed under at work and under pressure the very last thing on my mind is whether DH should eat without me or whether he should walk the dog FFS.

A tight deadline is just that-a finite amount of time to complete a job.

Is it more important to tell someone to eat their dinner without you?
Do people not just eat when they are hungry?

LaGuardia Tue 07-May-13 20:35:53

YABU. He doesn't need the added pressure of pandering to you.

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