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to think theres something wrong with the world where my 3 YO dd is being bullied and ostracised

(14 Posts)
MoodyDidIt Tue 07-May-13 16:12:01


dd is at part time school, she only goes afternoons

today she was sobbing for half an hour before we went saying she didn't want to go. this is unlike her.

she comes home and tells me that another girl has "kept hurting" her on her arms and legs. she wont tell me exactly how but from what she has said i think its pinching. i get the impression its been going on longer than she has told me.

she has also told me that another girl has been calling her names, doing "horrible faces" at her and not talking to her, and that now none of her friends will play with DD. i asked who she played with then and she said no one. sad

she described them all as her "friends" sad who the hell could hurt my sweet, kind, quiet dd who is little more than a baby?? they are all 3 and 4 in this class ffs. is this what girls are like?

i just told her that "friends" dont behave that way, and told her to tell her teachers if it happens again. and i will be having words with her teacher tomorrow myself. i have had the same with my DS as well, again, he is quiet, shy and kind. in fact i posted on here a while back about him and got a flaming cos i said i'd rather him be a bully, than bullied.

am i doing something wrong as a parent if both my little DCs are ALREADY being bullied?? sorry for long post but i am going through a bad time of things at the mo anyway sad

givemeaclue Tue 07-May-13 16:14:07

I would speak lo teacher before jumping to any conclusions, you don't know what has actually happened although its very upsetting to think other children are hurting your child.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Tue 07-May-13 16:14:35

I would mention it to the teacher, but try to be upbeat about it to your daughter 'Yes, some children aren't always very nice to others, but I'll speak to your teacher and we'll find you some nice children to be friends with'. I really would try to play it down otherwise you might find that if you make a big deal now she will start school expecting to be bullied.

I know it's hard and I know you are upset, but I think trying to make it as small a deal as possible at her age is the best thing

RiotsNotDiets Tue 07-May-13 16:15:32

Of course not. That's awful, you're doing the right thing going to see the teacher. Hopefully, as they're so young, it should stop once the teacher addresses it.

Freddiemisagreatshag Tue 07-May-13 16:15:35

Sweetheart. She's 3. The other kids are 3 or 4.

Go in and talk to the teacher first and then see what she says. And then take it from there.

VinegarDrinker Tue 07-May-13 16:18:39

I would have thought repeated pinching over days/weeks would leave marks.

I would also get a few more facts before jumping in to saying your 3yr old is being "bullied and ostracised" based on what you have posted.

I can sympathise with the Mama Bear reflex though!

worldgonecrazy Tue 07-May-13 16:23:59

I would speak to the teacher, though be concerned that, if she genuinely did end up with no one to play with, why the hell the teacher didn't notice and step in at that point to ask her what was wrong.

I agree that you should try and make it seem a small deal to her so that she doesn't think she's done anything wrong, or expect it to happen again.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Tue 07-May-13 16:26:31

I'm not saying your daughter isn't telling the truth, but sometimes kids say that 'no one' would play with them, when it's just the people they want to play with that won't play with them. There are probably another 20 or so children that do want to play with them, but obviously little ones often can't think the way we do and just go off and find others to play with

MoodyDidIt Tue 07-May-13 16:27:50

oh i have completely played it down, the last thing i want is her getting some sort of complex or expectation of bullying

i know she is my dd so i am bound to be biased ;) but she does not tell lies and she is very articulate for her age so she will know exactly wat she is saying

god i just wanted to cry at her sad little face telling me

i have been warned about girls though re bullying and cliquiness (is that even a word)

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Tue 07-May-13 16:30:54

Lots of 3 year olds are articulate smile but sometimes they stretch the truth or only see things from their point of view or from their own little world. Which is totally normal, and is fine.

I just wouldn't upset yourself yet with talk of bullying and cliques and assume that she will be a bullying victim when you've not yet spoken to the teacher

fluffyraggies Tue 07-May-13 16:31:33

Definitely go in and speak to the teacher and focus on how upset your DD is about the idea of coming in to school.

The why's and where-fores and who's fault it is, and what exactly is going on is follow up to the fact that for some reason she doesn't want to go in. IYSWIM.

I'm trying to say that sometimes a teacher will try to allay parents fears by being very upbeat and chirpy saying 'oh it's just usual playground stuff'. You can point out that that may well be true but the fact remains that your DD is not looking forward to her time at school and that needs sorting out.

It is sad when your young DCs encounter less than happy times when they are away from you. It's tough to hear about it going on when you are not there to jump in. ((hug))

NotTreadingGrapes Tue 07-May-13 16:32:44

She is not being bullied. Not by other 3 yr olds. Please don't belittle the word by using it for (unfortunately) common 3-4 yr old behaviour.

Do go in and speak to the nursery teacher and make sure it stops. Because hitting and pinching are unacceptable.

butterflyexperience Tue 07-May-13 16:33:36

Speak to the staff...

There are always 2 sides to a story. Especially a 3 year olds!

Doesn't sound like bullying, but a bunch of 3 & 4 year olds learning to interact with each other

Grinkly Tue 07-May-13 16:38:17

I wonder if you going through a bad time at the mo is being picked up by the kids and they are a little anxious or something.

Can you put on a happy smiley face when with DCs, sorry if this adds to your burden but I think kids do pick up the vibes even when they are very little.

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