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To be slightly frustrated at DH?

(17 Posts)
DorisShutt Tue 07-May-13 12:17:11

DH is at work. I'm at home. I wanted to ask him a question (not urgent, just it was easier to ask him verbally rather than by text) so, as he's often in meetings, I texted him asking if he could call me at lunchtime when he was free and available to talk, and that it wasn't urgent.

He's just called me. I asked the question, and then he asked what DS and I have been doing. I was telling him about DS and he started giving me monosyllabic responses that didn't really correspond to the coversation (think "DS fell and bashed his head", "oh that's good" style of wrong) and I could hear him typing.

I pointed out that he wasn't paying attention, and was obviously trying to work. He got quite irritated and said that of course he was working, what else would he be doing. I reminded him that I'd asked him to call at lunch time so he wasn't disturbed and he grumped at me for reminding him.

AIBU to find this really frustrating? I specifically asked him to call when he was free/available and told him it wasn't urgent. He then chose to call me when he was working and not in his lunch hour and then got cranky at me!


BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Tue 07-May-13 12:23:24

YABU - he is at work!!! I work in an office and have lunch at my desk so will still be working. Nothing more annoying than someone spouting trivial stuff when you are trying to get something done.

Sorry but yes YABU.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Tue 07-May-13 12:24:20

although, to be fair he shouldn't have called you if he wasn't able to speak freely!

Cakecrumbsinmybra Tue 07-May-13 12:24:39

But she told him to call when he wasn't working. Thats the whole point of her post. No, YANBU!

SantanaLopez Tue 07-May-13 12:25:13

YABU, he was at work.

eosmum Tue 07-May-13 12:26:06

YANBU he asked but wasn't really that interested, he shouldn't have asked, a simple answer to your question and got to go would have been fine.

KansasCityOctopus Tue 07-May-13 12:26:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redskyatnight Tue 07-May-13 12:26:58

Does he actually have a lunch hour? There are some days when I am constantly on the go at work and the only way I'd get to ring home (on the basis that you've not said what it's about so he didn't know how important it was) would be when I was trying to get ready for the next thing (and multitasking). DH understands this (and does likewise when I ring him).

TigOldBitties Tue 07-May-13 12:27:24

Yabu, you're bothering him at work for something that you said isn't urgent, he's obviously just trying to show an interest in your day but has most likely got work on his mind.

I don't know the culture of his workplace but when I'm at work I generally work through my lunch break and often eat at my desk even if I'm not technically work through.

He called you back, answered your question and made a little conversation with you but then got distracted by what he's actually meant to be doing. DH and I don't talk during the work day unless its urgent for this very reason.

SanityClause Tue 07-May-13 12:28:43

YANBU, at all. You asked him to call you when it was convenient, and said it wasn't urgent.

He kept the conversation going, even though he was working. He could've said, "I'll speak to you later - I need to work," once he had answered the question. You weren't to know it was inconvenient to tell him about DS, just at that point, especially as he asked.

Mnetter111 Tue 07-May-13 12:29:27

Yanbu to be hurt although I've learned by just this sorted thing, to never call DH at work as I get treated as if I'm bothering him/cant cope and to be fair, they're trying to get their work done as fast as possible to get home on time, so I try not to feel hurt the odd time I have had to call. And if you have to call, try and get off the phone fast...I work from home and I don't appreciate people calling when I'm trying to concentrate even though you texted.

SantanaLopez Tue 07-May-13 12:30:48

Give the guy a break. Maybe he got an urgent email or he automatically said 'what's DS up to'. Forget about it and get back to your own day. It's not a big deal.

squoosh Tue 07-May-13 12:31:58


He prioritised you by phoning earlier than you requested. Presumbaly the request for a call was for the specific question rather than a run down of the day's activities.

DorisShutt Tue 07-May-13 12:42:19

I think the irritation stems from the fact that I asked for him to call when he was available at his lunch hour, and the fact that it was him that continued the conversation.

He often calls (on similar scenarios) and does say that he's swamped but the answer is xyz and I'm fine with that.

It's the asking the question when he's busy, and then the total ignorance of the answer that really riles me - I would far rather have him tell me. It's not like letting him know about DS is really vital, but I assumed, given the context of my text and his question that he was on an early lunch and was free to talk.

KeatsiePie Tue 07-May-13 14:28:42

YANBU I think, but I also think I wouldn't make a big deal of it. If it really bothers you, you can say (later) honey please don't get annoyed with me when you choose the time to talk and then prolong the talk beyond what's necessary and then stop paying attention and then get annoyed. Then he can say okay sorry and then you're done. But yeah, it would irritate me.

But I also don't get the whole "you should not call your husband at work" thing that I sometimes see on here. It's work, sure, but work is a normal non-emergency thing that takes place all the time. Most people at work are juggling emails or orders or customers or deadlines or meeting, but they are not balancing over a tank of sharks during which the distraction of a phone call would be fatal. It's just a phone call. So unless work = performing of emergency surgery, or unless you are calling him at work 4x a day to tell him what the dog just did, I don't see the problem.

Flobbadobs Tue 07-May-13 14:41:20

Doris if I need to speak to DH at work I do exactly the same thing. I would be frustrated too if I didn't have his attention, just as he would get frustrated with me if I was obviously not paying attention to what he said.
If it happens again I would just say "you're obviously still busy, call me back when you get a free minute as I need you to be able to listen".
YANBU, you gave him the option to call when he was free.

Thurlow Tue 07-May-13 14:47:29

DP does this. He'll answer the phone when he is somewhere where he would never be able to hear me - busy pubs, football matches. Then he shouts "what? what!?" down the phone for two minutes before eventually one of us hangs up. Doesn't matter how many times I tell him to not take the call, I'll send a text if it's important, he always takes the call <sigh>

So YANBU. If you can't talk, don't take the call!

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