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To think my husband is a borderline alcoholic

(57 Posts)
birdinatent Mon 06-May-13 21:02:25

I have issues with DH drinking, as he cant just have a social drink, he has to drink himself unconcious, not every night and it doesnt affect work, and he doesnt drink during the day usually, but enough to really piss me off.

well we went to a family party yesterday in a posh hotel. We walked there with our 3 kids, and stopped at 2 pubs on the wave for a "flyer" I was paranoid how much he would drink before we even landed as a couple of drinks and you can tell, he starts to slur slightly and his behavour changes. Anyway he only had a pint and a half and was fine when we got to the venue.

first round there however, and we both order gin and tonic, he a double, he flew into a rage after he had handed me mine and then said I had picked the wrong one up and it was the double and I had put too much tonic in and it was ruined. I honestly couldnt see the problem but he was almost panicking that he didnt have the double. He calmed down after a minute, but then spent huge amounts of time away from the table ordering wine for the meal, he got me a glass of red, and himself a bottle of white. They poured his white and then put the bottle in an ice bucket, at the other end of the table from us and he was panicking again, saying it was his bloody wine and they had no right to put it anywhere other than next to his glass. Honestly it was embarrassing. I think he has a problem, he disagrees and says I am controlling and a nag.
what does anyone else think please?

TweedWasSoLastYear Tue 07-May-13 19:44:57

You could try to work why hes drinking , what drives his desire to get plastered.?
Going on a beer march on the way to a nice hotel , ands topping en route for a warm up isnt normal.
I guess when you do go out in the evening he drives there and you drive back, or its a Taxi both ways.
I think you need to stop drinking as well OP. It will make it slightly more arkward if he's the only one having a drink .

It will get worse as he gets older , and the kids will notice alot more. All the random sudden mood swings . The daft behaviour , disappearing acts , stumbling / falling down in the street.

Then there are the financial implications, plus the health ones. It might be OK now , but alcohol abuse has a serious long term impact especially in binge drinkers .

Al anon will help . Trying to help him to stop will also help . Having no booze in the house, or alot of quality soft drinks. Even low alcohol beers , sometimes its the sitting down and cracking a beer open after work is a habit . If what follows on becomes a problem then it is an addiction.

One of the worst addictions of all . Legal , accessable and cheap.

Good role model for your 3 kids as well. Make it harder when they want to go the park or camping and would like some cider to take , as most teenagers seem to do . If there is an abundance of alcohol in the house they will probably help themselves to it.

PenelopePortrait Tue 07-May-13 19:59:31

tweed "you could try to work out why he's drinking" WTF? Have you not read any of the posts above?

Your post is spectacularly unhelpful. Do you have any experience of living with alcoholism?

TweedWasSoLastYear Tue 07-May-13 20:08:41

Yes, thanks
Ruined birthdays , ruined holidays , amazing rows, ruined family weddings . The uncontrolled rage and instant spiralling decent into arguements, with absolutely no provocation . The deceit , the lies , broken promises.
Seen the illness , the inside of an ICU , the crem ... do i need to go on .

TweedWasSoLastYear Tue 07-May-13 20:34:39

Plus all the wasted years
Totally ruined Xmas break , destroyed xmas dinner , having no life that didnt revolve around booze, days out suddenly cut short because there was a potential for getting drunk, hundreds, possibly thousands of dinners ruined because the pub was preferable to a nice sunday roast
stealing to fund the drinking
not being able to afford a car , but still spending hundreds a month on booze.

sorry i skip read all the replies . will try harder next time, if I can be bothered.

PenelopePortrait Tue 07-May-13 20:43:30

Your post shows little understanding of how an alcoholic functions.
Telling OP to stop drinking -because it might make it more akward is nonsense. Another persons drinking does not affect how an alcoholic drinks.

Asking her to find out what drives his desire to get plastered?? I am astounded that someone who has lived with active alcoholism and sought the help of Al-anon holds the views that you appear to do.

AnyFucker Tue 07-May-13 21:06:43

I agree with PP

Spending long periods of time trying to understand why a person drinks to excess is really just enabling by another name, I am afraid

the only thing to "understand" is the point at which your family is being damaged by the choices of one of it's members, and act accordingly

Fairenuff Wed 08-May-13 08:23:51

Your post shows little understanding of how an alcoholic functions

Sorry, Tweed but I would agree with this. All the years spent trying find out why he drank, trying to help him stop by having no alcohol in the house, putting up with his behaviour and trying to make amends to everyone else, including children were to no avail. You said it yourself, they were wasted.

No-one can make an alcoholic stop drinking. The only choice you have is to enable the drinking by tolerating it or leave. The drinker is extremely unlikely to stop if you keep tolerating it.

Tolerating means ignoring it, enabling it by buying alcohol, driving them because they are over the limit, cleaning up after them if they make a mess, minimising or trying to hide their drinking to friends and family, compensating to children, making demands and not following through, having repeated discussions which go no-where, accepting promise after promise, threatening to leave and not doing it. All of these actions will encourage the drinker to keep drinking because there is no real reason for them not to.

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