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To wonder why the hell I was so stressed out after DC1?

(60 Posts)
Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 19:36:35

DS1 has just turned 2. DD1 was born three weeks ago. With DS1 I spent near enough two years in a constant state of anxiety and stress. Now I've had another I seriously wonder what I fussed about. She does nothing! It's bliss. I can vividly remember getting together with other new mums after DS1 and you'd think we'd all experienced living in a war torn country.

Does anyone else feel like this?

RubyOnRails Tue 07-May-13 08:42:35

No, I seriously was worried that the birth had damaged my brain...I had nerve damage from pushing for four hours. Had no ability to even read anything remotely taxing! Looking back though, it was tiredness and shock. At the time I felt as though I'd lost any intellectual ability, I was such a zombie esp in the first few months.

Good luck to all those worrying x

oinkment Tue 07-May-13 08:44:22

I sometimes have similar thoughts. I remember how bloody hard it was just getting out of the house with one small baby. Going for coffee felt like a major achievement. My husband used to leave me a packed lunch or I just would't eat. I could barely shower some days. No depression it was just that rock hard having a baby.

I recently had number 3 and barely broke my stride. Now the days where I just have the baby are relaxing and easy. I try and work out how one was so much harder than 3.

noblegiraffe Tue 07-May-13 11:07:21

My second is 15 weeks and so far it has been a doddle. I was absolutely dreading the first year with her as with DC1 it was awful. He was a terrible sleeper and a fog of sleep deprivation clouded everything.

DD is a great sleeper, and happy to be left on her mat during the day while I do stuff. The sleep makes such a big difference. Even though she still feeds in the night she goes straight back to sleep and I don't have to spend hours frantically rocking her, begging her to go to sleep. It means that in the day I can cope so easily.

I remember leaving the house being a trial with just one and I was always late places. Now I can just chuck them both in the car or DD in the sling and just leave.

Havingamadmoment Tue 07-May-13 11:12:35

I agree after dc1 was born I remember it taking about an hour to get ready to go to the corner shop. Now I can get all 5 children ready and out the door in much less than that confused. It all seemed so terrifying with dc1 but now its just an average day. When I had dc5 people were saying "how will you manage" about this or that but in reality it exactly the same as before no different to before dc5 ever made an appearance!

The first is psychologically difficult for a lot of people just because its all so new, and the responsibility can seem enormous. Obviously that is different with subsequent children, which makes it psychologically easier.

Other than that sleep makes a world of difference - some newborns sleep a lot, others never sleep/ have colic or reflux, only sleep when held upright...

Not all babies are the same. Not all experiences of motherhood are the same. Mothering several children on a good night's sleep (or just a couple of brief wake up to feed) is less stressful than one who never seems to sleep and screams when awake.

Comparing is nonsensical.

Also the baby who seems to be "good" or placid or a great sleeper at 5 days or 3 weeks or 15 weeks may suddenly decide at 4 months that sleep is for the week and may not sleep for 3 solid hours together again until he is nearly 2 DS2 so beware patting yourself on the back or developing a false sense of security too early evil grin

*weak, not week, obviously, tends only to be the parents who think sleeping for a week is a good plan...

noblegiraffe Tue 07-May-13 12:17:30

Ah it's all relative. DC1 woke every 45 minutes so 3 hours is my great sleeper grin

Fakebook Tue 07-May-13 12:25:16

I remember being on a high after dc2 was born. I came crashing down after a month of wearing myself out spectacularly. Take care of yourself. Keep up the vitamins to boost your immune system.

Wishiwasanheiress Tue 07-May-13 13:08:19

Totes agree op. I remember dd1 with pain and pleasure. Dd2, just pleasure!

elliejjtiny Tue 07-May-13 13:52:23

I think you get less stressed the more children you have. My friend who has 2 children asks me how I stay so calm (I have 3 plus one on the way). I look at my other friend who has 5 children and wonder how she stays even calmer. However, I think the spinning plates bit is harder with more children. With 3 lots of hospital, dentist, piano etc plus my antenatal appointments I feel like I never stop.

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