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AIBU and need to get a grip on myself?

(60 Posts)
SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 15:56:51

I am single Mum' aged 39, very overweight. DS is 14, blind Autistic, naughy' behavioural issues. The few friend's i have i rarely see and the have their.own problems.

I am always alone, no.job, on benefits, house is a shitty mess, no motivation to clean.

Mu DS spends all his time at home in bed.
I feel really alone and low.

I am better off than some i this wotld. Maybe i'm judt a fat, slob.

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 15:57:26

No 'naughty' behavioural issues.

RiotsNotDiets Mon 06-May-13 15:57:53

Are there any support groups you could join?

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 15:59:48

Guess so as i live in B'ham. But i have no motivation and one night to myself every other week.

McNewPants2013 Mon 06-May-13 16:04:46

I assume you are getting DLA and careers allowance, if not then please cliam.

Use that money to hire a cleaner, because it will make your life easier.

Then see if there is support groups you can join, the one I go to is amazing they do day trips and organise events that are closed off to the public ( some free some at a cost) but its worth it because it means you can get out a bit more.

Also as a career you should be able in most places to get in free.

McNewPants2013 Mon 06-May-13 16:07:44

Motivation is the key, set your self tiny mananagable task.

Like go to the local shops pick up a newspaper come home and read that paper.

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:08:00

We do get DLA and Carers. I just found out that we are entitled to child tax credits, after fourteen years of believing we were not after being told tjis by the tax credit staff. That money would have changed our life. Awaiting award letter

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 16:08:58

Hey sole haven't seen you for ages (Alien here, don't know if you knew NC)

I think support groups would be ideal for you, Mums in the same situation, and maybe you could take DS too, get him out and about?

Regards the cleaning etc, mine gets me down too, but I do the 15 minute burst thing, and then chill for 10 or 40!

I'm also trying desperately to low carb, have cut out bread etc, it's just beer I can't say no to!! But am starting The bastard shred tomo, it's free on you-tube, if you want to be low carb or shred buddies??

giraffacake Mon 06-May-13 16:12:26

With regards to the messy house-

Why don't you start by cleaning just one room? Don't think of everything at once because then it'll seem like an absolutely ginormous task and you'll have even less motivation. Say you're going to do one room today and just do it! You'll feel a bit better from just having accomplished something.
GO GO GO you can do it.

Montybojangles Mon 06-May-13 16:19:47

Are you having treatment for depression? If not you may benefit from talking to your gp, as this may be part of the cycle you are trapped in right now.
Score yourself on this to get an idea of whether you might be suffering from depression.

Hope you can get some support for you and your family soon

Montybojangles Mon 06-May-13 16:20:04


SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:28:00

I scoted 8. Mild depression. But if i am out of the housr with people who czbn talk and have sight i feel OK

I truly belivr my DS is the cause.

Its so boting

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:30:15

I just get low and am sick of being his Carer. I need a long break or maybe better off living apart

HollyBerryBush Mon 06-May-13 16:32:37

This wont go down well - don't all leap on me for suggesting it - I come from the angle of an old school friend who had a son with CF (and some other medical complications) - eventually she couldn't look after him; her health and sanity suffered dreadfully with so little day to day help with him. She eventually had to put him into residential care when he was14. Is that an option you would consider?

If you believe your DS is the root cause of your depression, it may be the solution.

Tweasels Mon 06-May-13 16:33:22

Are there any local charities that could help you with respite care. Maybe take your son out for the day now and again to give you some time to get yourself together.

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 16:33:45

I thought he was getting some respite time sole?

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:37:29

Thank you Holly. I have almost got to the end of my tether. I have no life. A blind Autistic child, he is taller than i am.nowat 5'10. He is so sweet, quiet, loviig but always in bed. Still in pads and shits a lot and i am sick of my hands reeking of crap.

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:38:27

I have called the disability social worker.

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 16:41:53

Hey Sole I remember you, I am sorry you are feeling like this thanks
and you are not a fat slob at all just need a little help.

I have no experience with autistic children, but mild depression I have had myself and it's difficult to try and feel better about yourself.

Small changes can make a difference and really boost your confidence.
Slightly adjusting you eating habits can help with weight loss, when the carers are there can you get out and go for a walk now the weather getting abit better?

Is there a Mumsnet local meet up you could look into?

DolomitesDonkey Mon 06-May-13 16:43:46

I hope you don't mind, but I read a post earlier today where you'd made a typo "too big to love" and you'd meant to say "too big to move".

I think you were right the first time. When I was your weight I'd lost the ability to love - I'd stopped loving myself and had no capacity for anyone else.

I think you need to start loving yourself a little bit at a time and that you probably need a hand hold to start.

An always happy to chat by pm for practical advice, tips and an understanding ear. X

magimedi Mon 06-May-13 16:44:28

I have called the disability social worker.

I am glad to hear that. I so hope that you get the help you need and deserve. flowers

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:45:27

Hi jammy smile

Isn't it odd that after writingthe thread and getting replies i feel better. IT IS not having anybody to chat to.

What treatments are there for me if my lowness is about my circumstances and not brzin.

Just i am wasting life, even though ly DS needs me, maybe he might be happier elsewhere. He loved his two nights a week.

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:47:19

Lol dolomites i thought the same thing!

I guess my eating is my comfort as i am always alone

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 16:54:52

So we need to think of something else to occupy you instead of eating smile

Well, MN for one, as you are never alone on here, but what other things do you like to do?

Maybe cooking? You could start growing your own herbs or veg?

You don't need a massive area a window sill will do or patio and then experiment with what you grow.

Tiny changes really will help smile

SoleSource Mon 06-May-13 16:55:22

Thank you magi x

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