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I ditched my friend and her reaction has annoyed me AIBU (an unreasonably long post!)

(28 Posts)
giraffacake Mon 06-May-13 14:50:30

The not so Short Story:

My friend (we'll call her Fiona) decided to audition for the X Factor a couple of weeks ago. She decided to go alone as all of her family and friends were busy. A few days before she was due to audition I suddenly became available to go with her but did not offer. She rang me up and after a long talk I agreed that I would go with her. The day before the audition I became extremely anxious (more on this later) and told her that I would be unable to join her but still supported her and would be there for her if she needed to ring me. She went ballistic, decided to stop talking to me and told our other friend (Hannah) that she shouldn't talk to me either.

*The Long Story and the Bigger Picture *:

Recently, I left my University course to move back across the country to live with my parents. This was largely due to depression and anxiety (which I have suffered from for a long time). Fiona knows that I am struggling at the moment; I find it almost impossible to leave the house for long periods of time without becoming extremely anxious and distressed.

A week before the X Factor audition Fiona persistently and repeatedly rang my parents house (up to 4 times in an hour) so as to "encourage" me to get out of the house. She said that if I did not come and see her then she would drive to my parents house and come inside anyway. These types of conversation were usually at unreasonable hours (after 10pm). I appreciate that she was trying to help- in her own way- however her behaviour was considerably controlling.

Indeed, Fiona is an extremely controlling and explosive person. She becomes aggressively upset over the most ridiculous situations; she once styled my hair for me before going out and went ballistic when I brushed it through when she had finished (I hate my hair going crispy from hairspray). The evening was pretty much ruined and she sulked all night and refused to speak to me at all for 2 hours. She also frequently tells me that she's only my friend because she "needs a female friend". She fell out with her last group of friends during a holiday during which she allegedly threw a chair at another girl during an argument (she denies this) and then flew home alone. I have a thousand more incidents which I could mention but I appreciate that this is become an extremely long post! well done for sticking through it

In the week preceding Fiona's X Factor audition I tried to 'psyche' myself up to leave the house. I rationalised that I'd have to go and that it would be good for me to try and conquer my anxieties. However, the closer we got to the day of the audition the more worried I became. I couldn't function properly as all. My mum told me that she did not think I was in a fit state to go at all. I messaged Fiona and said that I was having some reservations; I was worried about the large crowd sizes and having to stay in a hotel room over night if she got through the first round. I didn't say that I wasn't going, just that I was concerned. She got very angry and replied with a message saying that I aa terrible person and friend and that I'd left her to face it all alone (even though she had planned to go alone for months). I apologised endlessly and told her that I was just in a really bad place and that I should never have said yes in the first place. She ignored all future messages but I sent her one on the day of the audition conveying support and luck, etc.

Fast forward a week and she posts an angry facebook status about "bitchy backstabbing" friends. Turns out she had become very angry with our close mutual friend Hannah because she was still speaking to me following the audition. Hannah said that it was nothing to do with her although she did agree that it was annoying of me to have ditched her like that.

I'm becoming increasingly annoyed with her immature way of dealing with things. She refuses to see things from the other side of the coin and whilst I agree that what I did was wrong I do not think it has warranted this type of reaction. AIBU to not want to maintain this friendship? This is just the cherry on the cake of a long list of things.

BinksToEnlightenment Mon 06-May-13 20:12:23

It is very minor.

quesadilla Mon 06-May-13 21:21:13

She sounds pathologically selfish and her behaviour sounds quite unhinged to me. If you are going through a rough time and your self esteem is low maybe you feel you need all the friends you can get but you don't need friends like this. Do yourself a favour, step back and ask if you would behave like this to a friend who had been going through what you have. No. Now walk away and draw a line.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 06-May-13 22:58:43

"She's lovely sometimes. She blows completely hot and cold. It's very strange. Myself and our other friend try and put up with her when she's in a "bad" mood because she's been ditched by a lot of her other friends and we know she has some good points"

Hi giraffacake. Actually, it's not that strange, her behaviour, it's actually pretty clichéd. There's many a thread on here where the OP is in an abusive relationship; where the partner will treat the OP like shit most of the time but keep them confused enough to stick with them by being really nice once in a while. You are in an abusive friendship. Fiona is an abuser. A real friend would be supporting you through your anxiety and depression, not using it against you. "A week before the X Factor audition Fiona persistently and repeatedly rang my parents house (up to 4 times in an hour) so as to "encourage" me to get out of the house." Encourage? My arse! She was haranguing you. And I agree with MammaTJ - she's probably pissed, calling like that at that time of night.

I think you need to accept that her 'good points' are an illusion, they do not exist. She's a user and a taker, and the best thing you could do with her is to tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when she gets there, to fuck off some more.

Best wishes.

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