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To be upset and not really know where to go with friendship after this?

(63 Posts)
DumSpiroSpero Sun 05-May-13 22:20:58

We spent a lovely day yesterday with a family I would consider to be probably our closest friends and some other families. Had a great time and as usual the DC's got on like a house on fire.

This morning I had a text from close mate "This is a a bit awkward but every time the kids play together I find nits the next day. Don't want to rude/nasty but thought I should let you know.".

Spent the best part of an hour combing DD's hair this morning and no sign of anything - she hasn't had nits since before Christmas either, and the kids see each other every couple of weeks.

Tbh I was shaking when I got the text and have been in tears on and off all day. DH thinks I'm completely overreacting. I don't doubt there was no vindictiveness behind it and i don't want to lose a friendship over it, but still feel it's a reflection on DD and me and know it will be on my mind every time I see them now.

Am not sure whether to just leave it, or to phone and have a chat tomorrow to try and clear the air. I think the way it was worded and the fact it was via text didn't help and I am a bit hormonal atm so guess that's not helping.

verytellytubby Sun 05-May-13 22:23:05

I think you are overreacting. I would call her and say your kids are not free. One of my 3 always has nits. I can't seem to get rid of them - I think it's his best friend that infects him.

verytellytubby Sun 05-May-13 22:23:38

Nit free I meant .....

gordyslovesheep Sun 05-May-13 22:24:06

I would text back and say 'oh how unfortunate but just so you know nits take longer than 24 hours to be viable and my kids are thankfully nit free - schools are breeding grounds for the buggers - try Hedrin'

StrangeGlue Sun 05-May-13 22:24:07

You seem a bit fragile to have reacted this badly to what was a rude but not earth shattering text. Is everything else okay? i can understand being offended but to be crying and shaking all day seems extreme

You checked your dd's hair and can text back "no nits here smile" and surely that's the end of it?

YouTheCat Sun 05-May-13 22:24:11

Text her back and say you've done a comb through and your child has no nits.

Maybe your friend isn't treating her kids' lice effectively?

Willowisp Sun 05-May-13 22:24:13

I would just say " no need to feel awkward, thanks for the heads up, but no nits here. Lovely to see you yesterday"

& leave it at that smile

Hassled Sun 05-May-13 22:25:20

You are being a tad unreasonable here - sorry.

From friend's POV - you come and play, and then she finds nits. What's she meant to think? She's acknowledged it's awkward - and the text must have taken some courage on her part. I think she actually handled what she believed to be the truth fairly well.

So she's got it wrong - you can tell her that without it being some massive issue.

IHateSafeStyle Sun 05-May-13 22:27:30

And breathe......

The next day? Youre lucky yours are catching from hers. Seriously why are you so upset.

AgentZigzag Sun 05-May-13 22:28:30

She worded the text diplomatically, it's a legitimate thing to bring up if that's what she genuinely believes, and because having nits doesn't mean you're a scummy fuck, it's no reflection on you or your daughter even if she was right.

The text made me think she'd been wondering about it for a while and it took a lot for her to say it to you, that's not a bad thing, she didn't just dive in and accuse you of all sorts.

I'd just tell her you've combed through your DDs hair and there's defo no nits, and then go on to talk about where her DD could have got them from, which would make it clear there's no way she got it from your DD.

pictish Sun 05-May-13 22:29:03

What willowisp said.

DiscoDonkey Sun 05-May-13 22:30:50

I think it's the "every time the kids play together I find nits" comment that is a bit mean. So I can understand why that upset you.

I would just say what others have "have checked kids hair, no nits here"

BriansBrain Sun 05-May-13 22:31:14

I think your friend handled it really well actually, even though she was mistaken.

Quick text back with "no nits here and we check weekly after a bout at Christmas, I find conditioner and nitty gritty work well"

No need for you to be so upset about it, nits + DC happen.

cees Sun 05-May-13 22:34:26

Just text back yours are all clear and then treat them as they may have been infected while playing with her kids. No need to stress about it.

Tabliope Sun 05-May-13 22:34:32

Actually I don't think it's a nice text at all - "Every time they play together I find nits the next day"?! Every time. Really. That's a bit snotty. That's saying you don't check your kids' hair enough and basically you're a crap mum for that. Not nice at all.

DiscoDonkey Sun 05-May-13 22:35:36

If there were other families and children p
Axing then maybe she was referring to them all not just your dd

DiscoDonkey Sun 05-May-13 22:35:52

Playing not axing

HeathRobinson Sun 05-May-13 22:36:26

What about the other families?

BollyGood Sun 05-May-13 22:36:52

That was a horrible text OP. YANBU it's quite ridiculous actually.

BollyGood Sun 05-May-13 22:37:17

Exactly heath surely there were others there??

BollyGood Sun 05-May-13 22:39:08

It's quite possible OP your friend hasn't been getting rid of the nits efficiently enough and is just getting reinfected each time within her own family. Some people think they are rigorous at nit checking but are not.

fuzzpig Sun 05-May-13 22:40:44

Sorry you're so upset. You seem quite overly sensitive (something I totally relate to so I'm not having a go!) but actually implying that it is all your fault is perhaps quite rude of her and a bit patronising to assume you don't check. Especially if her DCs are at school or nursery every day, it's much more likely they are coming from there surely.

You've done the right thing and checked. Now text back and say - thanks for the alert but I've checked (as I do every [blah]) and no nits here smile

Vosene is awesome for discouraging lice BTW

claraschu Sun 05-May-13 22:42:03

You could mention that if she finds nits every time, she is not disinfecting her kids effectively. These are not going to be new infections (from school or wherever), but one long-lasting infection which she is not treating properly.

Some people think that treating with nit-poison will do the trick, but we all know you have to comb avery few days for several weeks to get rid of everything.

maddening Sun 05-May-13 22:42:16

yes text back but stay breezy - oh just had a thorough search and we are nit free - thankfully we escaped infection - phew! :-) hope you track down the culprit :-)

PixelAteMyFace Sun 05-May-13 22:43:05

Exactly what AgentZigzag says.

Your friend`s message is not rude, so why are you reacting so badly?

Most kids get nits at some time, it`s no big deal and certainly no reflection on anyone`s hygiene, as head lice lay their eggs very indiscriminately - even in hair from naice families smile

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