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AIBU to expect my ex to pay child support - he thinks he shouldn't need to

(57 Posts)
glitternanny Sun 05-May-13 19:50:37

Does anyone have experience of ex partners arguing over maintenance

Yesterday my ex informed me he couldn't afford to pay maintenance (£140pm) - and wants it scrapped/reduced. He's spoken to the CAB and they've told him that he doesn't need to pay anything, and a court would agree with him. I told him to let me know what he thought was reasonable amount but that I would be speaking to the CAB and getting legal advice.

He then posted on FB that he needed some advice - whether to be an arsehole or not - not quite sure what his decision is.

He pays me £140 a month on maintenance - and another £360 in money he owed me (cant transfer to his name) He's due to pay me on Friday when he gets paid. This is the amount the CSA says i should have given the amount of nights he has him.

Our access at the moment relates to his shifts - he works 4 nights, has our LB 2 nights normally - he has 2 more days off and then works 4 days and has him 3 nights. When he has overtime (2/3/4 a month) I have our LB instead - can be anything upto 2 extra days depend on whether its an extra night or an extra day

I need to try and speak to CAB on Tuesday and child options I think my friend suggested and maybe a solicitor if I need to sad

any thoughts/suggestions welcome

;( I can cope with no maintenance until september when my hours change then I'm screwed and if he decides to pay me nothing then I'll probably have to either rent out or sell my flat and move sad

1Catherine1 Wed 08-May-13 12:01:10

Your situation is very contrived. Given your situation, where you have managed a perfect balance with no RP/NRP situation, then I agree no child maintenance should be paid. However, this would only stand true where both parents did an equal share of buying the boring stuff. The non luxury clothes, as mentioned above - socks, knickers, multipack t-shirts, the real day to day stuff. I love my DH, but I know it wouldn't occur to him to buy these.

I suppose a situation could occur (my aunt and her ex-husband were that petty they actually did this), where the child could have 2 completely separate lives that never interact - where both houses had equally dedicated rooms and complete set of clothes (boring stuff and all), and the children were not to take either from the other. The set of clothes they arrived in would be the same one they would leave in when they went to the other house. The boys (my cousins) had 2 x-boxes (it was a while back) and a copy of their favourite game at both houses. This all came about due to their DF refusing to pay child maintenance. Personally, I thought it was a ridiculous set up. But hey - No RP/NRP. Kids hated it too, especially when they got a new game at dad's but had to wait for mum to get it or wait 3/4 days to play it again.

BillMasen Wed 08-May-13 12:29:35

Agreed catherine, that's too much and makes no sense in the real world. And I take moomins point about inequality of living standards too.

I suppose it's just this assumption that no matter what I as a NRP pays for or buys, there is always going to be more paid to the RP. Even if the standard of living is unequally biased (not in my favour I add)

MsIngaFewmarbles Wed 08-May-13 12:40:13

We have 50/50 residency for DSD. She does have a complete set of clothes, toys etc in both homes but it's no biggie if something goes to the other home unless it ends up with both at one home and none at the other eg school shoes IYSWIM.

Nobody pays any maintenance as we have equal costs. I would imagine our financial situations are similar, although DH probably earns a bit more than his ex, we have 4 DC at our house whereas it's just DSD and her mum there.

MsIngaFewmarbles Wed 08-May-13 12:43:04

Sorry I posted too soon.

The situation seems to work well for everyone, DSD is happy with 2 homes. When she was younger and DH was the NRP he paid maintenance, it was never an issue.

MoominsYonisAreScary Wed 08-May-13 12:50:12

bill it can work out unfair for NRP, the same as it can for the RP. I guess it would cost too much for them to look at individual cases in tiny detail.

I'm in a better financial position than exh so I take less maintenance than I would get if it were to go through the CSA. I know that if I didn't my ex couldn't afford to do some of the 1-1 things he does with ds2, which he really enjoys.

Some people will say he shouldn't have had another dc if it means he can't do the things with ds2 without me dropping the maintenance but I don't see it that way.

We don't have a 50/50 arrangement though

needaholidaynow Wed 08-May-13 12:58:00

MsInga That is the same with my DP and his ex. They have DSD 50/50, so share the costs of bringing her up. Nobody is doing more than the other. They both have a house to run and all that comes with that, plus everything DSD needs such as clothes, school dinners, uniform, and any thing else big they share the costs for. It's not just his ex that foots the bill at all.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 08-May-13 19:27:58

I think with 50-50 it very much matters whose responsibility things like school costs are or childcare or with a baby stuff like prams.

I know a nrp who claims he's 50/50 but in reality his ex funds everything is even expected to provide food whilst at dads, he works any child related things around his work but mum needs to work her work around the children its very subtle differences that do matter.

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