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Did I ruin Sunday?

(45 Posts)
Dorange Sun 05-May-13 14:36:37

Cutting a long story short, basically I spend the whole day out with DD yesterday so dh could relax and enjoy himself as he has been working hard. Left at 12 (he was still asleep) and came back at 9pm still managed to praise him for the jobs he did around the flat (cleaned the algae in one fish tank but didn't change the water nor fed the fish/hung up some clothes to dry but there were socks in the duvet cover and cooked a 5 minutes meal leaving all the mess behind. Fine. That is what usually happens and I was not bothered.
The plan for Sunday was for us to go out as a family, (since I have plans for me and DD for Monday and he can stay and relax), so I woke up early and cleaned the flat which was extremely dirty and messy as week as dealt with DD (6) the whole morning. Dh than wakes up at 12 and decide to go out to the corner shop (probably to get smoke and few bits and pieces). After much faff around while I am cleaning high and low, he leaves the ironing table on my way which I put away whit out problem. He than starts huffing and puffing because he 'can't ' find his bag (he never can't find any fucking thing) and I say his bag is 'overthere' (right under his nose) and carry on cleaning. He than complains in a annoying manner that I moved his belongings...I point out that I moved the bag because it was on my way and it would be back to where it was when as soon as I finish...
Instead of leaving (or even better apologising) he carries on still complaining about me moving his bad and at this point I declare that I am not going out anymore, that he didn't complain about me moving the ironing table since it was convenient for him and that I have been cleaning up the whole morning and the fact I moved his bag from A to B (only because I am tiding up) is the only thing that springs to his mind.
After a brief argument when we bring up each others 'mistakes' from the past he decides to go out to the shops but I make it clear I am still not going anywhere.
He than comes back, and to his defence do a job in the bedroom that took like 45 minutes (but ha has been postponing for 4 weeks) and goes out with DD.
I am still not going.

AmberSocks Sun 05-May-13 14:39:11

he sounds a bit of a dick.why doesnt he get up til 12?is he on nights?

SoleSource Sun 05-May-13 14:40:18


Stay home then. X

StrangeGlue Sun 05-May-13 14:42:17

Hmmmm I think you only ruined it if you're going to be sulky and off with th when they get back. Was your dd upset you didn't go? It's not her fault he's being annoying.

I can see why you're upset as he's been a pain but I think you've only ruined Sunday for yourself as you're in huffing on here and they're out.

Why are you having two days when you're all free but not spending them together btw?

YummyCalpol Sun 05-May-13 14:44:08

Why does he need all that time to 'relax'?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 05-May-13 14:44:35

managed to praise him?

You talk like he's your 5 year old child!

He doesn't need praising for doing simple tasks. And doing them badly by the sounds of things!

It sounds more like the interaction of a stroppy kid and his mum than two adults in a relationship!

Is it normally like this?

Mintyy Sun 05-May-13 14:44:48

Do you seriously think anyone on Mumsnet is the least bit interested in any of this?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 05-May-13 14:45:59

wow, mintyy, that was really mean. That's not like you. Most of the things on here are, if we're being honest, not that interesting to each other. But we still give one another the time and the listening ear.

StrangeGlue Sun 05-May-13 14:47:30

Mintyy you can say that for almost everything on here. If you're not interested then don't read the thread and comment you're under no obligation.

The fact other people have commented in a none arsey ways suggests they are interested.

dreamingbohemian Sun 05-May-13 14:49:21

It sounds like both of you are being really passive-aggressive.

What's really going on here? Is it always like this, are you having a rough patch?

MissSG Sun 05-May-13 14:50:14

It depends on your DD, was she upset you didn't go with them?

Why couldn't your DH take her out on monday so you can have time to relax as he got to on Saturday?

If your DD was upset, YABU because the disagreement between you and your DH could have been resolved easily for the sake of a family day out.

Bit harsh mintyy.

So basically you are living with a man child OP? I wouldnt have went out either. But then my DP wouldnt have let it get that far.

Not sure what to advise though. He needs to pull his weight more.

maddening Sun 05-May-13 14:53:50

Sounds like he wanted an argument and caused one himself or was in a bad mood.

fedupofnamechanging Sun 05-May-13 14:54:10

I think he is getting away with behaving like a lazy teen, rather than a partner. Why are you doing all the work and he US getting all the lie ins and not pull his weight with housework?

Agree that you don't praise a man for doing something in the house - he's not doing you a favour, you know. It's his mess too!

Stop indulging him and start demanding he grows the fuck up

Dorange Sun 05-May-13 14:56:39

My OP is a mess, sorry.
My Sunday is not ruined at all, I am actually happy I will get few hours to myself since I was very busy yesterday and will be tomorrow too and the whole week ahead. i forgot to mention that I too work full time albeit Dh works more hours in a more demanding job for sure.
He wanted to come on monday but I am going with friends and their kids, and we 'girls' like to do our own thing on our own whit no husbands tagging along. It will be only until 3pm anyway so we still will have half a day together at home.
Dd is not bothered, she almost never spend time with him only and she loves it and she will have fun where they are going regardless
He is a nocturnal person and usually work night shifts and still do morning shifts following day, it is hard, so I like to give him space to sleep in, I don't mind waking up early, and when I need to sleep in we agree beforehand he will wake up with dd.
Probably sunday now has beeb ruined for Dh as he planned this outing on Wed and has been looking forward to it, told people I am coming, but I will not tolerate this kind of attitude...I can see how FIL is with MIL and she accepts because he is a man, fuck it, I may be radical, but I am running to the other direction and Dh better learn fast.
We were on good ish terms when he left, and I hope everything will be ok when they are back.
I will miss the Sunday roast though, will probably order a chinese grin

Dorange Sun 05-May-13 15:00:04

Yep, I managed to praise him to avoid confrotantion, not to criticise and point out his man childish attitude...

Dorange Sun 05-May-13 15:02:19

sorry for all the spellings/grammar mistakes, I can do better, I promise...

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 05-May-13 15:02:30

You need to praise him in order to avoid confrontation?

What happens if you don't praise him?

Dorange Sun 05-May-13 15:07:13

Nothing happens if I don't praise him, but the jobs he did, he did whit out me asking first which is a big step forward (yep I wasn't wise enough when I got pregnant from a man child), so I thought I would put a positive input on what he did rather than criticise he didn't do perfectly...
A part from cooking I usually have to ask him for other household jobs...he does takes the lid on polishing and mopping once in while (when the moon is in Virgo or something)...

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 05-May-13 15:07:24

He sounds like an arsehole high maintenance person who doesn't show any gratitude for the things that you do. It's not really a partnership, is it? sad Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Dorange Sun 05-May-13 15:09:11

yep LadyMary so I am happy I am not BU.
he has redeeming qualities so that is why I am patiently still in and wisely closing my ears to MIL's advices...

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 05-May-13 15:10:49

what is your mother in law advising?

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 05-May-13 15:10:49

So his own mother doesn't have a good word to say about him? Ouch! sad

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 05-May-13 15:16:29

I can't believe you 'praise him' for doing chores. I praise the rabbit for shitting in his toilet.

I get the impression his mother is advising the OP that women do the housework to let the man have a rest...

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