To think making snide comments to about not working to a potential future client is a bit thick?(19 Posts)
I've just had the pleasure of meeting the manager of my Dd's old nursery. The nursery she attended from age 5 months to 4 years. I paid £715 a month for 3 years for her to attend and then she went 15 hours a week from 3-4 years, when I left my job and studied for an MSc for two years (alongside having a baby!)
I am not working at the moment because I want to build my family and spend time with my family whilst they're young. My Dad has Parkinsons and I look after him on a part time basis (6 months a year) and his health had deteriorated a lot in the past year which means its good I'm not working because I can care for him and spend the extra time with him when he needs someone most. My years of working meant we have savings that we can delve into if need be. I have one toddler and a baby on the way (our last) and will at some point in the next two years be needing childcare arrangements for them both. My family members have all sent their children there and I have recommended her to 6 friends with children so I've drummed up a lot of business for her.
So Dd's ex nursery manager just had a dig at me (in Tesco of all places) telling me her son and Dil are expecting again in 10 weeks (they'll have a 18 month gap between their two children) BUT, her dil is different to me because she's working FULL TIME. Infact she had TWO JOBS and is a hard worker like everyone in her family who WORK AND DON'T STAY AT HOME ALL DAY DOING NOTHING. Yes. She said that to me in Tesco.
So I calmly told her that at the moment I don't need to work as I want to spend time with my family and that looking after an ill father means going out and working 40 hours a week is not feasible at the moment but I will be looking for suitable childcare in a few years time. Then she tried to backtrack and ask how my dad was, and I said "not very well" and said "bye".
So AIBU to think it was quite thick of her to say that to me because I won't be sending my children to her nursery now and not recommend her either. She already has a bad reputation in my city for running a bad business and has 4 complaints to ofsted for not abiding by rules (something I realised after dd left). How dare she call me lazy in a shop full of people just because I am concentrating on my family for now!
Oh my goodness that's long. Thanks to anyone who actually reads all that.
She sounds thick, and tbh I'd send your baby to a different nursery
It's hard to see how she could have said it without meaning to be offensive, in any case if the nursery has complaints then your kids aren't going to go there, sounds like best to forget it. Fwiw, looking after children is much harder than my job, it's not exactly an easy option unless you're doing it badly...
Thanks yummy and comedycentral. Glad you agree! I've had so many people tell me what a rude woman she was but ignored and gave her benefit of the doubt. I'm still very hurt and angry at being labelled as a lazy arse who sits at home all day! I can imagine that's what people think of me now; well at least the judgemental cows like her!
From what you posted, it doesn't sound like she did call you lazy.
tbh i wouldn't have even justifiend youself to her. i would just have looked directly at her, given a little disappointed shake of the head and turned and walked away. she would have known what she did.
also i did laugh at "because I want to build my family " . it sounds like you're hoping to build a huge mafia family!
Haha booyhoo! Yes it does sound like that! I know I don't need to justify myself to anyone, but God she made me angry!
Clouds, no she didn't call me lazy, but she made a direct comparison between her Dil and me and then went on to say she was a hard worker like everyone in her family who has a job and no one stays at home all day in her family because they all work. So that's implying I'm lazy and avoiding work. That's I how read her comment.
really dont let it get to you. people say things like that to make themselves feel better- which really means they aren't feeling that great about themslves if they feel the need to put you down for a boost!
another thing you could try in future is just look at her as she's talking, continue looking at her when she's stopped as if you're expecting her to say more- she'll feel she needs to fill the space and probably dig herself a deeper hole, let her get into full swing and when she's right in the middle of it say "right. must dash. cheery bye!" and rush off without a backwards glance or just let her keep taking, dont fill teh silences and eventually she'l realise what she's doing and be embarassed so will make awkward excuses and slink off!
She sounds dreadful - weird that since her job is in childcare she doesn't view childcare as a job
anyway - she has got to you because you have come on here and felt you had to justify your life decisions, - you don't at all, but for what its worth they sound perfectly sensible given your circumstances, and are no one's business but yours.
I would just think 'fuck her', she's a stupid woman who gets her kicks out of trying to make others feel bad. I wouldn't want her looking after my kids.
Sorry to hear about your Dad, that is very tough, Parkinson's is horrible illness But it's great you are able to help him out.
So she gets paid for doing nothing? Cushtie.
That's brilliant Booyhoo, I will definitely put that into use in the future!
Could she just have been gibbering away? She didn't directly compare to you. I'd suspect she was just wittering about her family and what they're up to without thinking at all how it would come across.
Kurri and wafty, I never even thought of it like that! It's great her Dil can work two jobs and leave her child with her Mil for free too .
Kurri, I just feel really vindicated for making a decision not to work. I never understand why people get so emotional over the sahm/wohm threads, but when someone makes jibes at you for a decision you've made it's very hurtful. I used to get similar comments from family members and strangers when I worked full time about how I don't give dd time. There's never a win-win situation is there?
Gerald, she started the whole conversation with "still not working?" Accompanied by a disapproving look. Can't see how she didn't mean to be rude.
I have a little nursery... what a parent does/does not do during the hours I care for his/her child is none of my business. The nursery manager was highly unprofessional... was probably having a bad day and needed a vent, unfortunately she saw you in the aisle!
Something I have learnt for myself of late... that I do not need to justify why I do/don't do the things I want. It's my (and my husband's.. depends what it is) business only.. and family/friends/acquaintances can have all the opinions in the world (and they will!).. but it doesn't matter.
I have had Ofsted Outstanding twice.. not blowing the trumpet.. but running a childcare business is VERY hard work when done correctly... but the most rewarding and incredible business to have. And a joy to be involved in a child's life at such a fundamental age.. and the lives of his/her family's too.
You being a loving mum and daughter... to those who need you... comes first, before any job/need to prove something to society.
Thanks poopnscoop, and congratulations for the outstanding ofsted reports.
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