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To say no to this request ?

(39 Posts)
frumpet Sun 05-May-13 11:45:29

Bit of background , i have a neighbour who is disabled . She often asks me to do things for her that she cannot do herself , which i am happy to do . She also asks me to do things that she could do herself but would rather not . She had a little dog that died , she would ask me to clean up the mess in her garden for her , i did it occaionally , although i really didnt want to and suggested way to her that she might manage it herself .
She has now got a new dog , i personally dont think she should of got the dog , as she is unable to walk it and can only pay someone twice a week to walk it . She came across this morning and asked if my dd would walk the dog for her , as apparently the dog wont get into the car . I dont see why dd should walk the dog , she isnt really an animal person , we have our own dog and i wouldnt expect dd to walk him and pick up his poo .
I am going to have to say no , even though it means the dog wont get a walk , but will feel guilty as hell !

pumpkinsweetie Wed 08-May-13 11:53:37

'not allow'

pumpkinsweetie Wed 08-May-13 11:52:58

Yanbu, you must not feel guilty, you sound like a lovely neighbour. She is lucky to have you, but she should allow her disability to use others for something she can manage herself as that is taking liberties.
Clearing up the dog mess before really shouldn't have been down to you, but i applaud you for helping her out when she needed help with her pet but to go and buy a new dog knowing full well she cannot manage isn't fair on you and the dog and cant make her feel very good either.

I don't know what to suggest, maybe there is some sort of instrument that would make it easier for her? Maybe if you find one you could help take her shopping to buy it?

frumpet Wed 08-May-13 11:45:13

Oh and a horse , but they dont know about that one wink

frumpet Wed 08-May-13 11:43:49

Sadly my house has its full quota of pets , the HA will not allow me to have more than two pets , have a cat and a dog already .

DontmindifIdo Wed 08-May-13 11:07:56

you should call the rescue too - if the other neighbour has spoken to them, then then call your neighbour with the dog who says "oh, I've got an arrangement with frumpet she'll walk my dog with hers" then they might consider that to be acceptable. You need to make it clear you can't and won't do it every day, and this is just a short term solution. There's still time for them to rehome the dog (of course you know what will happen don't you, you'll end up getting attatched and let them rehome him with you... wink )

frumpet Wed 08-May-13 11:04:40

I think she has basically lied to get the dog she wanted , she told the rescue that she is paying a dog walker and that she will walk it the rest of the time . This clearly isn't true .
She does also have a cat .
I feel a bit torn , on the one hand its no bother to me to take it out with me , but the days i work i pay someone else to walk my dog . So i cannot walk it every day . I feel sorry for the poor thing , it loves other dogs and is well behaved around them .
It doesnt have any recall to speak of , i certainly wouldnt feel happy letting it off the lead at the moment , so it isnt as though my neighbour can take it somewhere and let it off for a run around as she wouldnt be able to catch it .
I think in all honesty it would be better off in another home , sooner rather than later . I will continue to walk it for the time being for the dogs sake . Have a feeling another neighbour may have already spoken to the rescue .

acceptableinthe80s Wed 08-May-13 10:33:42

OP, are you prepared to do this for the next 10 years! What happens if you move? or go on holiday? I can't believe a rescue center would re-home a dog to someone who is incapable of walking it (or paying someone else to). Very irresponsible of them.
Why the hell didn't she just get a cat for company?
Letting a dog out in the garden is not good enough imo. Dogs need to be socialized. An old neighbour of mine kept her dog in the garden, never walked it, ever, and one day it escaped and attacked and killed a passing labrador.
Sorry, you do sound lovely but i think this woman has made an incredibly stupid decision. There are lots of pets that make great company that don't require walking.

theodorakisses Wed 08-May-13 07:53:43

You really are lovely. I miss muddy dog smells, here in Qatar they just smell of boring old sand.

Fuzzysnout Tue 07-May-13 22:33:18

Ah, frumpet, you are lovely flowers thank you on behalf of the dog x

frumpet Tue 07-May-13 21:58:58

Update ! took the dog for another walk where it experienced life as a real dog , jumped in river , ran in mud etc , took it back looking like a soiled wig grin

Will continue to walk dog as it looks so happy on its walks .

theodorakisses Mon 06-May-13 08:53:05

Sorry just read your latest post, you sound lovely blush

theodorakisses Mon 06-May-13 08:52:01

I don't think you are being unreasonable to not do it for her but a little bit for saying whether she should have a dog or not. Dogs can change people's lonely existence into a better quality of life and unless she is going to keep fighting breeds and let them loose in the streets to terrorise people and bark all night I think it is important to respect her wishes as long as she is responsible and kind.

CSIJanner Sun 05-May-13 23:05:58

Probably, especially as it adores your own.

Did she get the dog because she's lonely maybe? Still unfair to impose but maybe DD can talk about payment for walking the dog? She won't be expecting that!

And yes - she probably does see you as her go to neighbours for jobs robe done sad

frumpet Sun 05-May-13 22:38:22

Oh buggeration ! i went over with the intention of being all strong and purposeful , but the dog is adorable . It is a rescue , this is its third home in as many years , it is very wary of people and i had toi lift it into the car . It panted and drooled and shivered all the way to the park , thankfully not too far and then it met my dog who was in the boot and suddenly it was happy and confident . It loves other dogs , not too bothered with people , which i guess is understandable given its circumstances.

Im doomed arnt i ?

Jestrin Sun 05-May-13 17:05:39

Another vote for the Cinnamon Trust here.

letseatgrandma Sun 05-May-13 16:13:15

God, no-YANBU. Say that your DD doesn't want to-say she isn't keen on dogs (as lots of people are) and she doesn't even like walking yours much. She's taking the piss, I'd try to distance yourself from such needy requests. She should have got a cat!

quoteunquote Sun 05-May-13 14:20:44

There are at least six people in this village who are disabled and have dogs, all 'walk" them using an electric ride on scooter, a couple of them who cannot bend over to pick up poo have these

We don't have pavements here(one or two) it's all little lanes, they manage fine, being disabled does not mean you can't look after a dog properly.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 05-May-13 13:57:39

She probably thought as you were taking one dog out (yours) you could manage 2 dogs especially if hers is smallish.

Is it a puppy or a Rescue?
If it's a Rescue, they would have asked her what plans she had in place for excercise.
If they said it was OK for two walks and a run round the garden -then fine.
More likely her family said they'd help?
If she'd 'volunteered' you. I'm sure they'd have formalised this?

Or if her family bought her the dog, then they should help.

Sounds very sad - it's her companion but at the end of it, the dog loses out. A garden doesn't really give the stimulation for a dog.

She could try Dog Training Classes? The access would be there for her wheelchair, her dog meets other canines.
And she might meet someone who will walk her dog.

DontmindifIdo Sun 05-May-13 12:51:31

BTW - it would be a completely different issue if she had the dog first and then became disabled, but she knew at the point she got the dog she was not capable of caring for it. So selfish.

spiderlight Sun 05-May-13 12:51:18

I was going to suggest the Cinnamon Trust as well. She should have had these arrangements in place before getting the dog, though.

DontmindifIdo Sun 05-May-13 12:50:21

oh, one for the cheeky requests thread! Quite frankly, she got the dog on the understanding other people would walk it without bothering to ask them first? Say no, she needs to understand being disabled doesn't give her an opt out of being a rational grown up. I'd like a dog, but work outside the home 3 days a week and can't afford childcare for DS and dogcare, so rather than assume my SAHM friends/neighbours will do it for free, I've not got a dog. Adults don't get a cute puppy without thinking if they are actually capable of looking after it.

everlong Sun 05-May-13 12:48:11


It's not for you to be doing this.

Cinnamon Trust is a good idea.

MummytoKatie Sun 05-May-13 12:46:20

I'm 8 months pregnant. I hate changing nappies. Would you / your daughter mind popping round and doing those too?

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sun 05-May-13 12:42:04

Hell no! YANBU! She should either have not got the dog or discussed it with you first to see if DD walking it would be an option.

sooperdooper Sun 05-May-13 12:35:51

Another vote for Cinamon trust, tell her to get on touch with them and they will find her a local dog walking volunteer

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