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Fiancé double booking me

(117 Posts)
Missy44 Sat 04-May-13 22:40:00

AIBU? I've been working really hard lately so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Yesterday, his friend (a new father) text to invite fiancé out to wet his baby's head. My fiancé asked me if I wanted to go too and I agreed, so he set about texting his friend to 'ask' if I can go out.

Said friend replied this afternoon. He said no, our new mother friend is breast feeding and couldn't join us and she's only happy with the guys going out tonight.

So, fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out. None of my friends were available at such short notice and I'm feeling bored and pee'd off. I don't understand why fiancé has to gain permission for me to go out, I am also annoyed that I've been left without plans when I was fancying a long overdue night out and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation. I'm quietly stewing but please share your opinions to let me know if I'm over reacting or perfectly reasonable. Thanks

QuintessentialOHara Sat 04-May-13 22:59:54

Agree with Holly, and Softly is SPOT ON!

Softlysoftly Sat 04-May-13 22:59:58

I think yabu to be one of those "partner guess too" people.

Yanbu to be annoyed to be abandoned suddenly though yabu if it's a "special circumstance".

HIBU to get pissed with a new father who should be home.

The mother ibu to worry about other women out.

The mother inbu to be annoyed at the blokes being out on the lash so possibly hitting out.

Our possibly her dh ibu using her as an excuse to have a lads night.

So all in all I have no idea confused

QuintessentialOHara Sat 04-May-13 23:00:19

Read a book.

Xales Sat 04-May-13 23:00:26

Nothing to do with being insensitive to the woman who just gave birth.

I don't think she was actually asked as I personally think that any woman with a baby that new so her H was going out to wet its head wouldn't give it a rats arse or second thought.

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 23:01:08

Well you should have phoned up a pal and gone for a few drinks yourself op!

ChocHobNob Sat 04-May-13 23:01:18

That might feel crappy for the Mum Holly, but is it much different to how crappy the OP feels tonight, having looked forward to having a night out with her partner, only being dropped on the day for someone else. I can totally see why you are annoyed OP. He owes you an even better night out very soon.

attheendoftheday Sat 04-May-13 23:01:46

Also, I agree with softly that wetting the babies head is a bit rubbish anyway. I saw loads of new mums at our baby club who's partners spent their paternity leave drinking and sleeping off hangovers. I fail to understand why any celebration of a birth wouldn't include the mother.

DiscoDonkey Sat 04-May-13 23:01:47

Love the way that the bloke makes a crap decision and women pile in on the new mum hmm

CloudsAndTrees Sat 04-May-13 23:02:48

YANBU to be pissed off given the pathetic excuse you have received.

A planned boys night where partners are excluded is fine. A last minute drink where you are told you can't go be use of some ridiculous insecurities belonging to someone that wouldn't even be there is not fine.

Your fiancé made the mistake when he asked if you could go. He should have said he could only go if you were both welcome, because he'd already made a plan to spend time with you.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 23:03:40

One baby wetting, lots of Saturday nights. There is a precedence to some things in life.

If the Op is so desperate to spend time with her fiancé, then he doesn't go to the baby wetting evening with his mates.

Perhaps the next baby could diarise itself so it doesn't have a diary clash?

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sat 04-May-13 23:03:48

I don't believe the friends partner actually said that, I think it was a lame excuse for a lads night out.

There is no reason you shouldn't go along to celebrate the baby's birth. Calling it a 'man thing' is pathetic.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:03:49

Christ, they may just be having a couple of pints in the same way that girls night for me might be a pizza and cinema. Still doesn't mean partners can come. Why do they have to partying the night away? How do you know the mum's not got support at home in the form of her mum, sister or whoever?

The issue here is the OP expecting to be put first when that's not always the case.

And the use of the phrase 'my man' spoke volumes to me.

TheSecondComing Sat 04-May-13 23:05:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialOHara Sat 04-May-13 23:06:03

Are you friends with thew new mum? How about a visit? bring a take away and a listening ear?

CherryMeg Sat 04-May-13 23:08:45

So happy I'm not one of those women who see other women as some dangerous threat

I don't think it's about seeing someone as a threat.

I think if partners were invited then that would mean everyone would be going out. Would feel a bit shit to be sat at home by yourself after just giving birth and all friends and partners were out having a great time together.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:10:01

Did you actually see that text where she said you couldn't go OP because I don't think it exists.

CherryMeg Sat 04-May-13 23:14:48

If I wasn't welcome on a night out I would expect dp to choose me over his friends tbh. Not because I'd kick up a fuss, but because he'd be happier knowing we were both having a good time

This made me cringe. When my partner used to go on nights out with his friends I wouldn't dream of tagging along as sometimes it was night out for just the guys. It didn't mean I was disliked by them.

I'm the exact same way with my friends, sometimes it's lovely to just go out with friends and no partners coming.

Booyhoo Sat 04-May-13 23:14:52


Mn is weird tonight.

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 23:16:52

I agree with that CherryMeg, people who refuse to socialise without their partners boggle my mind.

BackforGood Sat 04-May-13 23:18:58

What Holly said.
If you were going out for a drink with the girls, and one of the girl's partner wanted to come, then the answer is likely to be "no" as it's a girls night out. This particular evening was a boys night out. Ergo, you are not invited. It's not that difficult to understand. Why should the dynamic of the evening be changed because you want to tag along ?

Also, I thought you said you were going out with your own Mam
so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it. So surely you weren't available to tag along to your fiance's night anyway ? confused

Missy44 Sat 04-May-13 23:20:25

I saw the text, i didn't believe that our new mum friend would have said that so i asked to see it too. I'm certainly no threat to our new mum friend. I've been there a lot for her because her family live away and she had a horrific birth. The baby was born a month ago now and he's gorgeous and doing well.

I didn't really want to go on a blokes night out, wetting the baby's head, it was dp idea to ask if i could go and he text to ask without telling me.

I had just wanted a night out with do because I've been working so hard lately and haven't seen much of dp. I was just a bit annoyed that I was only told at 4pm today when lots of my friends had already made plans.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:23:55

Well it's happened, deal with it and move on. It's a bank holiday weekend so go out tomorrow instead.

ilovesooty Sat 04-May-13 23:24:24

If the baby was born a month ago the night out could surely have been arranged with more notice, enabling you to make appropriate plans?

Itsaboatjack Sat 04-May-13 23:25:20

Surely this could have been easily resolved by you meeting your dp later after he's had one or two drinks with his friend after new father goes home to help with new baby? Or am I being too optimistic there on behalf of new father?

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:25:31

So the new dad has to make his

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