AIBU or a pushy mum over

[SodaStreamy]

please give me an honest opinion coz now I'm now feeling a bit like a pushy mum of a sort of adult child.

Eldest DS is19. He started his first job 8 weeks ago and tonight is 'the works night out'

He started yesterday with the I'm getting a cold I don't know if I'll go and making a million reasons not to attend, I said to him it nerves, going on your first works night out can be nerve wrecking but I think you should go

Tonight when he got home from work I listened to all the reasons he didn't/couldn't/wouldn't go then got a bit assertive and said 'Go , you are on a temporary contract and if you want it made permanent not turning up for a night out the management have paid for is going to make you look like someone that doesn't want to bond and that will go againest you' Saying stuff like 'No one really wants to spend a Saturday night with their work colleagues but sometimes that's just what you have to do

He got showered and is off out but now I'm thinking shit, perhaps I should have just let him make the choice himself and not go?

[ElvisJesusAndCocaCola]

I think you told him something important that it might have taken him a long time to work out for himself.

Once he's there I'm sure he'll have a better time tha he thought he would.

[Sirzy]

Is he happy in the job?

I think (unless he has some issues with the job/colleagues) you did the right thing, I might have given him a get out clause for if he was really not enjoying it (he text you and you call to say he needs to come back for whatever reason) but I do think encouraging him to go was the right thing

[Finola1step]

Good stuff. He'll be fine once he gets there.

[SantanaLopez]

Unfortunately jobs are so rare nowadays that you can't let him make his own mistakes. YANBU.

[pointythings]

I think you did the right thing and I'll bet that he enjoys himself. And does his career prospects good too. First jobs can be hair-raising, and nights out ditto if you're the newbie, but it has to be done.

FWIW I love socialising with my work colleagues, they are a lovely bunch.

[drinkyourmilk]

My mum did the same to me. It really did help me 'bond'. Most of them smoked so would have a natter outside at work but I hate the smell so never really chatted that much. Going gave me something other than work to talk about.

[Tee2072]

Well he does need to make his own mistakes, no one can learn from someone else's, but I think you were right to convince him to go.

[SodaStreamy]

yes he loves the job and he really wants to be kept on ....it's a temp 13 week contract and he wants it extended

[ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged]

You have him good advice. To let's hope he doesn't get blind drunk and insult someone!

[SodaStreamy]

@TheSecondComing yip

@NatashaBee ..it is sad that this sort of thing matters .. but yes your right

I myself feel like a daft mum because I basically told him 'to get his arse into gear and go' then gave him £30 to get a taxi home and buy his colleaques drinks........as in 'if you get to the place and there is one or two people there offer to buy them a drink'

I know he won't abuse the money I have given him

And know I feel I have done the right thing ..thank you

[fancyabakeoff]

I have to do this with my husband. He's 42 and the manager FFS!

[StuntGirl]

bakeoff

I think you did the right thing OP. Our new manager didn't turn up to our first works night out since he joined, it really doesn't do you any favours with the other staff to skip these things!

[DeskPlanner]

YANBU. Hope he has a good night.

[GreyWhites]

YANBU. He's only young and your advice was sound, it's no more than you'd do for a friend in the same situation, and you wouldn't feel pushy in that instance. Not sure you'd give the friend some spending money though, that was sweet of you. I hope he enjoys his night out, and comes to appreciate your advice.