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To really upset DH and insist DD does not go with him to spend a weekend with her revolting jezza kyle style grandparents?

(133 Posts)
pinksmarties13 Sat 04-May-13 00:07:43

Namechanged as I forgot my password, but:

I joined this site at xmas time asking for advice in dealing with my incredibly rude in-laws, who were making their 10 day xmas visit even more unbearable than usual. ( particular "issues," included but were not limited too: pretending to vomit up food at the dinner table if I put vegetables on their plates, continuing to light up and smoke in the house when asked not to, graphic, loud descriptions of their sex life in front of my extended family and children, constant racist outbursts and sulking when I wouldn't provide their favourite food/ fry ups etc.)

Anyway after I eventually told them to reign in their behaviour, I got into a very upsetting argument with my MIL who made some disgusting comments about my sex life and then abused both me and my 14 year old niece over facebook, ( she told my niece she hoped she died of AIDs.)

Unsurprisingly we have not spoken since the event, and until last week they refused to speak to DH either, as in the end he sided with me over them. This complete lack of contact was rather nice, HOWEVER:

MIL has recently contacted DH to inform him that FIL has slept with a much younger neighbour, (who is also a distant cousin of DH's from his mothers side.) MIL and FIL plan to stay together, but MIL is having difficulty living in such close vicinity to the "lucky lady." She has admitted to DH that to try and persuade the woman to move, ( woman is married and has two young kids,) she has been regularly throwing open bags of rubbish into her garden, shouting at her whenever she walks past, ( including when she has children with her,) and when she (MIL,) was drunk one night earlier this week she went out and pissed in her garden. ( It goes without saying I'm mortified my children are related to her.) She has also been cautioned by the police after she slapped this woman in front of witnesses.

It is against this backdrop that DH, is being asked to go down and "mediate," for the weekend, as said family have made complaints to the council and FIL is worried they will lose their home. DH feels he should go, ( probably because the thought of his homeless parents turning up on our door is terrifying,) however they want DD to come down to "see them as they can't see her now the ginger bitch (me,) won't let them in." They have no interest in my son staying as he has a different biological father.

Now whilst I normally agree with grandparent-child bonds, and DD wouldn't miss anytime off school, I really feel this is a completely inappropriate environment to take a child into, and am refusing to let her go. DH is really upset with me however, and says whilst he knows his parents are dysfunctional and rude their not child abusers and deserve a chance to spend time with their grandchildren. He does agree it's no longer appropriate for them to come to our house.

so AIBU to say it might not inconvenience me, their not child abusers but I just don't want my child exposed to this environment>

TheRealFellatio Sun 05-May-13 09:27:26

It's sounds to me less like 'mediation' and more like they want a strapping younger man on their side if it all comes down to undignified fisticuffs in the street. Uuurgghh. What horrorbags.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 05-May-13 10:06:35

Yes, thinking more about why they want him down for the weekend and what this 'mediation' is all about ...
Neighbour is much younger and married, so presumably her husband is also younger than PIL. Sorry, but your PIL do sound appalling enough to be expecting your DH to be their proxy punchbag. What else can it be? Can they really expect that he'd be able to persuade the neighbours to withdraw their complaints to the council? I very much doubt it (both that they'd expect that or that he would be able to). On the plus side, getting punched on their behest might finally persuade him that he's better off without them sad.

Figgygal Sun 05-May-13 10:09:08

Jesus that is vile is the woman ill or always been like that?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 05-May-13 10:39:21

Regardless of anything else whatsoever, the fact that your DH is going to mediate because of a fall out with the neighbours makes the situation potentially volatile and therefore inappropriate to be taking a child into.

Factoring in everything else, the only sensible answer to your DH/IL's suggestion is 'over my dead body'.

pigletmania Sun 05-May-13 11:31:12

I would not want my dd in a violent volatile situation with horrid vie individuals who were asty to her at Christmas. Noway op!

pigletmania Sun 05-May-13 11:32:58

And if they do get thrown out of their house no way should they stay at yours

foslady Sun 05-May-13 16:50:33

You ok, OP?

phantomnamechanger Sun 05-May-13 17:41:05

Aside from the fact that they are dreadful "role models" and your DD will undoubtedly be exposed to foul language and lewd talk/behaviour and hearing you being spoken of in a detrimental manner, all of which counts as emotional abuse in my book, I would seriously fear for her physical well being too - you have said they smoke round her against your wishes for a start? I fear there is every chance of this whole bizarre scenario "kicking off" big time - she may witness slanging matches, fights, FGS these sound like the sort of people who settle neighbourhood disputes by torching each others houses!

Your DD has NOTHING to gain from being in a relationship with them at all, however, I feel for your DH too - deep down he WANTS his parents to be normal, he wants them to have the chance to be better grandparents than they were parents. He wants them to have the second chance of a better relationship with him through their relationship with their DGD - he probably feels he has to excuse and forgive them over and over again so that HE has not failed in his side of the relationship. Would he let DD go to a sleepover where the family behaved like this? If he is intent on trying to help them, that's more than they deserve and you should support his wishes, but NOT at the expense of DD going with him and being subjected to all manner of frankly, scary and potentially dangerous goings on.

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