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To fail to be grateful for what i have?

(20 Posts)
BooCanary Fri 03-May-13 22:03:28

Went to visit a good friend in hospital yesterday. She is dying of cancer, and will leave behind a 4yo DS and her DH. So sad sad.

Left feeling so grateful for my lovely DCs and DH, and with a big lump of perspective. Determined to be more positive and be more grateful for everything I have, especially health & love.

Fast forward to today. Possibility of redundancy at my work, DHs job looking less than secure. Then see a fb message from bf saying her DH has got fantastic new job. She has recently got a promotion too.

Suddenly felt totally jealous and fed up (about job, tiny house, diy disasters etc). This is turning out to be a bad year for us, but nothing compared to what my ill friend and her family are going through. How can I be so ungrateful to be feeling jealous of a friend whilst another friend is dying. Hate the fact I am such a jealous ungrateful person.

I am totally BU, I know. Just needed to vent.

ssd Fri 03-May-13 22:05:09

you're just being human

SirBoobAlot Fri 03-May-13 22:06:36

You're not being unreasonable, you're just human. Just because someone else is having a horrible time does not mean you're not allowed to feel shit about your own lot in life too.

Don't beat yourself up, it's not worth it.

JeeanieYuss Fri 03-May-13 22:08:14

Everybody feels what is relative to there situation, so don't feel bad!
Chin up smile

ihategeorgeosborne Fri 03-May-13 23:22:51

Don't beat yourself up Op. It's easy for us to compare ourselves with people who seemingly have it all and wonder why we don't. It's not so easy to look at people in a far worse situation and think we're really lucky actually. My dh keeps me grounded. When ever I moan about something, he always tells me he's the luckiest man alive to have 3 healthy dc and to have each other. As ssd says, you're only human.

greenformica Fri 03-May-13 23:26:31

Gratitude really is the key to happiness. Try listing three or five things to be thankful for each day. It will really help.

BooCanary Fri 03-May-13 23:32:08

Green - I think I will do just that!

MaryRobinson Fri 03-May-13 23:39:00

Agree with green.

I also think you are being human, but definitely one of our 'frailties' and I Think something we should try not to give breathing space to. Have you congratulated friend and her husband on the promotions.

Try to respond to others' good news in the way you would like people to respond to yours.

Montybojangles Sat 04-May-13 08:02:43

You will never have this moment, or this day to live again. Do you really want to waste it with this sort of negative feeling?

If you can, why not take your DH (dc if you have them) out for a walk in the country/park, have a picnic, enjoy the sun.

You are both well, and things can change positively for you, it's pointless worrying about things that may never happen (but it is human nature).

edwardsmum11 Sat 04-May-13 08:45:46

Just normal tbh. Getting a huge perspective of life sucks here too as sil's sister, 30, has months to live but still get jealous of other people too.

buildingmycorestrength Sat 04-May-13 08:54:48

I actually find that acknowledging feelings of jealousy and envy is the key to letting them pass through and being ABLE to be grateful.

So, well done coming here for perspective, I think. All to easy to sometimes pretend we aren't jealous when really we are. Normal human reaction.

But the key is to let it pass on. Don't let the feelings take hold or take root and turn into something else like bitterness or really hating your own life. Once I've said to myself, "Man, I'm jealous!" then I'm able to say "You know what? It really isn't fair! I feel so xyz about my own situation." Then I can grieve about my own situation and then I can take action or move on to a more positive perspective.

Job insecurity is genuinely horrible. Hope it all works out.

BooCanary Sat 04-May-13 18:27:48

Thanks for the advice. Forgot about all my worries today, had a great time in the garden with DCs and DH, and am feeling very glad for all I have. The bank holiday helps smile !

kotinka Sat 04-May-13 18:37:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ssd Sat 04-May-13 18:40:05

glad you had a good day op x

ilovexmastime Sat 04-May-13 19:11:50

I get like this too, but like building advises I try to recognise and acknowledge the feeling and then move on.
Listing things you are grateful for is really helpful too. Just reading through them occasionally gives me a real boost.
Practice thinking positively as well.

Skinnywhippet Sat 04-May-13 20:13:43

You might not feel it, but you know that you are fortunate. That is halfway there. Some people are ungrateful buggers but that's not you . Smetimesm I'm the same...I count my blessings (under 30, almost paid off mortgage, secure job, decent income etc) but that doesn't mean I'm always bouncing around feeling ecstatic but I do appreciate my circumstances.

hermioneweasley Sat 04-May-13 20:17:20

Totally agree with greenformica - happiness truly is good for your health. Start keeping a gratitude journal and you'll feel better.

sarahtigh Sat 04-May-13 20:53:47

"....contentment is great gain" a biblical quote but nevertheless, being content with what you have right now is the key to happiness. it does not mean no ambition or not trying to improve things; being being happy with what you have right now rather than wishing for something else so the wishing for something else risks becomes central

however it is not horrible to feel both lucky and jealous at the same time, it is only horrible if you want good things regardless of whose feeling, ambitions finances etc are damaged or hurt in the process, just saying "worse things happen at sea" helps nobody

claraschu Sat 04-May-13 21:00:20

It never makes me feel better to think that other people are having a worse time than I am. That just makes me feel even more terrible.

The only thing that helps is getting older and giving up on the comparisons and feelings of unfairness; they still come occasionally but much less often, maybe because I have accepted that I will not have the life I used to dream of.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 04-May-13 21:01:10

Well. You are not dying and leaving behind a 4 year old. Aside from your own worries and problems, it must be hard to watch a friend go though that, so maybe you are actually feeling more stressed about it than you realise?

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