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To be annoyed with DH for not feeding the baby the food I prepared

(84 Posts)
finnbob Fri 03-May-13 21:21:09

DH works away 4 weeks at a time so I am usually wrecked by the time he comes back as 8 month old wakes once a night every night.

I organised a day away for myself today, shopping, lunch, facial.

Left lunch and dinner in the fridge to be reheated for the baby. When I came home they were both still there. The baby hadn't had dinner yet but his lunch was still there too. So I was a bit pissed off and said what did he eat. He gave him a yoghurt, but not his baby one, a fruit corner. He said he forgot he was supposed to give him pasta.

I lost the plot then and threw the meals on the counter and said why did I bother making food for him if you can't be arsed to heat it and feed him. And I shouted a bit about not being able to have one day off.

He got stroppy and said he didn't realise what he was supposed to give him. I just thought I couldn't have made it any easier and that he obviously doesn't listen to a word I say. So he stormed off and I started crying. I did actually tell him many times about reheating the food and to give him a yoghurt after his pasta if he was hungry. I don't usually go away for day so I had told him everything I thought he'd need to know.

Days relaxation undone in 2 minutes lol! So do your worst, WABU to get in such a state!

Feckadeck Fri 03-May-13 21:57:58

Sirzy normally fair enough Dad knows best as well but this dad is away for 4 weeks so hasn't see baby or what it needs in that time hence OP leaving instructions which normally hopefully wouldn't have been required as the DH should know what baby needs as well.

HorryIsUpduffed Fri 03-May-13 21:58:39

I think that would be good, OP. So long as there is something in the fridge/cupboard for him to cobble together a meal from, they'll be fine. Especially if as you say DS is vocal grin

Feckadeck Fri 03-May-13 22:00:41

Ah OP yes let it go but do talk to him about the ignoring discussions concerning your DS - that is worrying esp as things change fast and he is away for 4 weeks he should be open to listening to your thoughts etc when he is home then going his own way within that.

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 22:00:42


I think this is really very hard for you, having to do it all and then he comes home after 4 weeks and doesn't listen to a word you've said about the baby's care.

I think it's difficult to "chill" in those circumstances so well done OP. wine

EverybodysStressyEyed Fri 03-May-13 22:02:02

i went out when ds was 2 and came back after 5 hours (mid afternoon). Asked DH what they had had for lunch -

startled look, oh, i forgot

clearly ds had too but on mention of the word he was dragging me to the kitchen!

Passmethecrisps Fri 03-May-13 22:03:12

I think everything has been said that needs it really but why not stick my ore in?

I really do get the frustration of OP. she spends weeks alone creating a finely honed routine for her and LO. She goes for a few hours and it feels like it has gone to shit.

I reckon OP knows that worse things happen at sea but she sort of expected that her DH would respect the way she keeps things running.

It's a respect issue. Not a yogurt issue

finnbob Fri 03-May-13 22:04:43

Thanks I will talk to him about it, I do think he doesn't realise how much things have changed it the 4 weeks so he does need to listen when I tell him how things are now.

Passmethecrisps Fri 03-May-13 22:05:19

Also! A month is such a long time in the life of a baby surely instructions would be necessary and expected?

I am giving my last wine to OP. I think she did well just flinging some Tupperware on the counter.

SanitaryOwl Fri 03-May-13 22:07:36

Jesus. Poor hubby.

quoteunquote Fri 03-May-13 22:09:53

Don't prepare any food in advance, leave a list of everything the baby eats(is allowed to eat) on the fridge, and leave them to it.

Feckadeck Fri 03-May-13 22:12:21

Poor OP more like! Seriously poor hubby my arse. He is away for 4 weeks ignores all advise about his DS from his wife who has been caring for him alone. It;s not normal circumstances where both parents are there most of the time and both are aware of the changing needs and requirements of the DS - the DH needs to listen to OP when he returns from working so he know what is going on at the new stage.

SanitaryOwl Fri 03-May-13 22:14:44

If my OH had thrown a tantrum like that, I'd have told them to fuck off. People make mistakes. The baby obviously wasn't starving, or the OP would have mentioned it. Where's the harm been done?

If the OH had come home and abused his wife like that, there'd be a stream of LTB's, frankly.

Jojobump1986 Fri 03-May-13 22:15:04

Surely it's as much about keeping the child's routine than anything?! Of course it's not going to harm the baby to have a day off from the usual routine but I suspect a lot of children would find it unsettling to be left with someone they've not seen for a month & not have the comfort of the usual food/routine.

My DH insists on checking with me about the bedtime routine if I go out for an evening... Despite the fact that he's not only at home in the evenings but he puts DS to bed every night. He'd probably make notes & set reminders on his phone if I left them alone for a whole day! DS's routine is never that organised when I'm in charge! confused

MrsOakenshield Fri 03-May-13 22:17:11

some rather extreme reactions here I think. OP, it's going to be hard for you both, getting used to each other, and I think doubly hard for him as so much will have changed with the baby while he's been away, and of course you and baby will seem to close and clued up to each other. He got it wrong once. Not the end of the world. It IS frustrating when food you've prepared is wasted, but again, not a biggie, really. I would suggest some jars might not go amiss at these times. Your DH is missing out on so much of his child's early life - after all, which would most of us prefer? Having to do it all for 4 weeks at a time - or not seeing your child AT ALL in that time. I know which I would prefer.

VinegarDrinker Fri 03-May-13 22:17:45

He didn't ignore all the advice. The kid got just yoghurt instead of yoghurt and pasta shock - all this melodrama is ridiculous. The routine is not "ruined" FGS.

VinegarDrinker Fri 03-May-13 22:18:31

Why was the food wasted? Pasta doesn't go off overnight.

sudaname Fri 03-May-13 22:23:34

The OP has said however that baby had all his bottles and obviously a full fruit corner and that he would certainly voice his hunger very loudly if he had been left hungry. Also l presume all was well on the nappy side of things or l am sure the OP would have thrown that in her rant that he was soaking wet/ stinking soiled nappy aswell.
So all we have here is a well cared for, adequately fed and milked content baby in his dads care.
So he didn't get the actual meals prepared by his mum. Big deal.

Pinkflipflop Fri 03-May-13 22:24:58

YANBU! Your dh sounds like a numpty! What kind of idiot can't feed the baby food that has been left prepared in advance?

I too would be furious; why does your dh get to be all 'let's have fun and relax the routine' while you get to be the boring, proper parent?

Poosnu Fri 03-May-13 22:32:01

I think the OP has had a bit of a hard time. Yes she perhaps overreacted, but I can completely understand in the circumstances.

Her DH goes away for long periods of time and so does need to be told what baby is currently needing in terms of food, sleep etc. Things change so quickly at that age. It's not the sort of thing that he would instinctively know. The OP gave instructions and left out good wholesome food which he ignored.

OP perhaps doesn't get out often by herself so it felt like a huge deal, and perhaps difficult to let go of baby. She was probably stressed on returning home because of this, so it wouldn't have taken much to make her fly off the handle.

Having a fruit corner doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but I don't think that's why OP is upset - it's because her DH wanders back in after a month's absence and ignores her instructions.

Yes of course DH needs to find his own way with baby, but for this to happen he needs to spend a lot of time with baby and get to know him. At the start he will need guidance from the primary carer.

shallweshop Fri 03-May-13 22:36:43

I can understand totally and don't think you are being unreasonable - these are the tentative early days of weaning and establishing a routine and these things are important to you. I would have felt the same and reacted the same. However, now my kids are older, I can reassure that letting your DH do it his way sometimes is good for you and your baby - you just need to learn how to switch off.

mrsjay Fri 03-May-13 22:42:54

I dont think she is being unreasoanble about her husband being lazy I do think she is being OTT about the throwing pots about and having a hissy fit,

Littlehousesomewhere Fri 03-May-13 22:46:45

I am a sahm (not through choice as I lost my job) and I do long days with no family or friends around so when dh does have time off work I disappear and leave him completely to it....... I find telling h

Littlehousesomewhere Fri 03-May-13 22:49:20

Him instructions on what to do a waste of my child free time an I trust his common sense. So far all has been fine, dc have food, sleep and playtime so I am happy with that.

Thank your dh for not using your pre prepared meal..... Saves you making lunch tomorrow!!

Startail Fri 03-May-13 22:53:47

you can explain child care to DHs, but they do not listen

I have long ago learnt to write notes and to trust that DH and my older DDs will muddle their way through even when they don't read them.

I once wrote a very detailed note as DDs were/weren't going to be in the bus and doing all sorts of things. Then DD2 was ill and didn't go to school. I was 100 miles away, they sorted it out just fine.

Honestly DP/DHs are perfectly able to look after children they just don't do it our way.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 03-May-13 23:23:59

I can see why you are cross. at that age, not enough food in the day= not enough sleep at night... and guess which muggins gets up to feed.

he should have followed baby's new routine. it will be different every four weeks for a while.

what did you give baby for breakfast? were you home on time for his dinner?

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