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To lie to the church about our godparents?

(369 Posts)
bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:25:51

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

mikado1 Thu 02-Apr-15 17:17:08

I know this is an old thread but have found it interesting reading. All going well we will be preparing for a baptism and deciding on godparents in 5 months time. DH (baptised but considers himself atheist) wants bil (as above) as godfather because 'no one has ever asked him and he'd be one sees it as a religious thing'. I am already annoyed by this tentative and v early conversation and don't feel bil should lie in preparatory 'class' or on the altar but both gps were from my side last timea I know I will be made to feel v unfair/selfish/only wanting things my way hmm

memememum Wed 01-Apr-15 21:46:00

"(I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on. "

Are you saying your DH is a Christian? If he is then it should be him arranging/making decisions on your child's induction into the Christian Church.

Maybe you could arrange a separate party with some kind of "naming and guardianship" element. You could compose some non-religious vows which you believe, to be made to your child by the special people you choose.

justmyview Wed 01-Apr-15 21:05:06


honeyroar Wed 01-Apr-15 20:39:56

ps, I wonder what OP did?

honeyroar Wed 01-Apr-15 20:39:09

I know it's an old thread, but an interesting topic.

I expect at least half of the people that got married in church did so "for a nice day". I didn't as I didn't want to be saying vows that meant nothing to me. My husband's late father was a vicar, and I'm sure my MIL would have preferred us to have a religious service, but she was too nice to say and respected the fact that DH and I don't believe.

Personally I think you really should believe if you marry in a church or have a child christened, but some churches are more flexible, I guess they need "work" sometimes! I've had many a friend irate because the vicar that was marrying them asked questions about their faith. It made me smile a bit.

Tomodachi Wed 01-Apr-15 19:20:52

Oh dear have we all been april fools?!

Tomodachi Wed 01-Apr-15 19:20:18

I'm in Ireland - the most information my selected Godparents had to give was their names!!

overthebliddyhill Wed 01-Apr-15 19:19:16

Oops. Just realised that this thread is 2 years old!!

clam Wed 01-Apr-15 18:57:38

Puts me in mind of the glorious thread where the OP was fuming (or was it fumming?) because her ds had been left out of the school nativity play as she'd withdrawn him from all things religious. She wanted him to have a part as long as it wasn't about "God or any of that shit." grin

Marvellous thread.

MissBattleaxe Wed 01-Apr-15 18:44:50

What also worries me is people think it is alright to lie to a religious institution so they can have a lovely day. It's not right. It's also incredibly disrespectful.

I agree. I have seen threads when they complain the vicar is too religious, and one where the parents complained about religious gifts!

overthebliddyhill Wed 01-Apr-15 17:34:52

I assume you realise that there are promises and declarations of faith that you will be required to make? It seems clear that you won't be able to make these responses honestly Which makes the ticking of the boxes quite minor.

chrome100 Wed 01-Apr-15 17:03:11

Actually, I think having a Christening to please the grandparents is a good a reason as any to have one. If it means so much to them it really does no harm at all and is part of a larger tradition of faith in the family.

The godparents are, as others have said, supposed offer religious guidance and are nothing to do with who will look after your child once you have died. Therefore it doesn't really matter who you pick as you are not bothered about the religious guidance bit anyway. You may as well pick the religious ones as any good friend should be there for your child regardless.

SirVixofVixHall Wed 01-Apr-15 10:34:22

I could not have lied about this, it would have made me very uncomfortable to lie to the vicar. Why not have a naming event, where you have named special guardians or something instead? I have been to several of these, where the Godparent-type people chosen have given promises as to their roles in the child's life, and they have been very moving and lovely. Also, I thought that usually Godparents were not usually close relatives? ( As a close relation will have an influence on the child as she/he grows anyway) but I may be wrong there. My dds have been Christened, and not all the Godparents are active regular-church-attending Christians,(they have all been either Christened or confirmed though) but they do all have an influence in my childrens moral development, and I chose them as church goers or not they all have a fairly strict personal moral code that fits the brief of Christian ethos, and I felt that if my children needed moral/spiritual guidance in some way, and wanted to talk to someone other than DH or myself, then any of the Godparents would be able to advise them.

TwinkieTwinkle Wed 01-Apr-15 10:07:29

Dammit! Sorry!

Only1scoop Wed 01-Apr-15 10:01:30

Zombied twice in one week aggghhhconfused

Only1scoop Wed 01-Apr-15 10:00:55

Yabu to lie

But then it sounds as if it all has little meaning to you other than a 'nice day'

TheSingingMonkey Wed 01-Apr-15 09:59:33

Zombie thread everyone

I'm sure as the christening happened two years ago it's not really an issue now.

TwinkieTwinkle Wed 01-Apr-15 09:58:33

What also worries me is people think it is alright to lie to a religious institution so they can have a lovely day. It's not right. It's also incredibly disrespectful.

MissBattleaxe Wed 01-Apr-15 09:45:23

What worries me most about this thread is the fact that so many posters seem to think that godparents raise your children in the event of your death. They don't- unless you specifically name them in your will as appointed legal guardians should you and your partner both die before your child is 18.

Are there really people out there who assume no will is needed and your kids will just automatically go to their godparents? It displays an alarming gap in knowledge.

ilovesooty Wed 01-Apr-15 07:47:55

Another zombie thread. angry

sashh Wed 01-Apr-15 07:44:18

Not sure if applies in all denominations but in some you can have 'sponsors' sometimes known as 'witnesses', they basically fulfil the same purpose (which is not to look after your children when you are dead) but do not have to be baptised.

Don't forget a Baptism is not just a ceremony for the baby, it is also a ceremony in which godparents repeat the vows made for them at baptism, how can they do that if they have not made those vows?

Aridane Wed 01-Apr-15 07:29:43

Two observations here - made by other posters:

1) godparents won't have automatic status to step in if you're no longer there - if that's the rationale for them being godparents, you need to take the appropriate legal steps

2) I was asked to be a godparent. Friend spoke with vicar about my non christened / non believing status - and that was fine. Personally, I didn't feel appropriate to undertake this commitment without clearing it first with the vicar

bedhaven Wed 01-Apr-15 07:23:14

I haven't been christened and so have sadly declined to be a godparent to a few friends kids. At a christening ceremony I would have to promise to guide the child in the Christian faith, I didnt feel it was right to lie in church to people who really believe. I am however the "fairy godmother" and have promised to take on my best friends children should anything happen to her and and her partner.
How do the individuals you have asked to be GP feel?
Is there a compromise of having faith guiding godparents and some fairies?

SunshineAndShadows Wed 01-Apr-15 07:18:44

Another art heist here who thinks YABU. Christianity is a religion with rules and values. Lying about what you believe just so you can have some nice photos and a nice day out is both ridiculous and deceitful. Have a non-religious device for goodness sake!

Mrsstarlord Wed 01-Apr-15 07:09:56

Rooney - yes!!

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