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To lie to the church about our godparents?

(369 Posts)
bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:25:51

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

thepig Fri 03-May-13 15:42:53

You could do the best thing for your child by letting them choose their own beliefs when they grow up.

If you want a nice party maybe have a naming ceremony or start your own tradition.

Thanksgiving services can be quite nice so I've heard.

Snowflakepie Fri 03-May-13 15:43:39

I don't think there is any standing in law on who cares for your children or makes decisions on their behalf, based on godparents. My DD is not christened as we don't believe, it is all written in our wills instead. YABU for having a religious ceremony if you don't hold with it, and all the more so if you have to lie to the priest. I may not believe in it all but I do think there is something wrong about that, sorry.

bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:44:47

I see the obvious ethical question... and if you're very religious then it must seem an awful question to ask...

But for me (though not my in laws or my DH) it isn't about entering a church or being guided in religion, it's about making people happy, which I'm more than willing to do, I'd just like to have the godparents I want as well.


K8Middleton Fri 03-May-13 15:45:09

You will be struck by lightening and be damned for all eternity. Or nothing will happen wink

Your morals are your own business but I wouldn't be having a sham religious ceremony in the first place. Not even if the church is really pretty, the grandparents will be pleased, it will get them into a better school and the vicar is amazingly photogenic or whatever other reason. But if you do, well... I can't quite work up the energy to care and I have tried. A tiny bit.

Snowflakepie Fri 03-May-13 15:45:23

Oh and my SIL had a naming ceremony for her oldest DC, it was the most cringeworthy event I think I have ever attended. Have a family party to welcome the newborn, but please, give it a rest with the faux ceremonies.

catsrus Fri 03-May-13 15:45:33

my children were not christened because we do not belong to a church - they are supposed to be GOD-parents!!! they are the people who PROMISE to support your child in being brought up a CHRISTIAN and as a member of that particular church. You are asking them to also lie during the ceremony - what will they say when they have to make the promises? will they say the words they don't believe or mean and not think twice? nice honest people then? shock. Basically you want your child to start their life surrounded by liars hmm

We did appoint people to be our DCs guardians should we die - that is a totally separate issue.

If you want a lovely special naming ceremony day then there are lots of secular non-religious celebrants who can do a lovely ceremony for you (like this one). A friend of mine did her own for her ds and it was lovely.

Be honest!

bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:46:11

And I know it's not law or anything, and we will make a will.. It just seems silly to me to choose people I wouldn't choose just because they're christened.

Hey, Just Do It OP !
Don't ask us first !

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 03-May-13 15:47:49

I think it's a bit risky. What if He smites you/one of the godparents?!

JeanPaget Fri 03-May-13 15:48:36

Will it really please your, presumably religious, parents if you lie, and go though a ceremony which ultimately means nothing to you? hmm

bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:48:38

I'm not having a naming ceremony or anything else...she is being christened. I'm just questioning myself on the godparents issue as I'm worried about being caught wink

SneakyBiscuitEater Fri 03-May-13 15:48:38

Jesus will know and I suspect he won't be happy but I guess he will forgive you?

I think this is balls ^ and that's why neither my kids or I are christened.

bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:49:31

Outragedfromleeds - surely He has bigger fish to fry? :p

catsrus Fri 03-May-13 15:49:39

CHRISTened - as in joining the CHRISTian church! why would you make your dcs members of a group you didn't agree with??????

Its not a naming ceremony its a JOINING ceremony!

K8Middleton Fri 03-May-13 15:50:04

I think the key question here is... WWJD?


Floggingmolly Fri 03-May-13 15:50:33

You're confusing Godparents with guardians. If you want a nice day out, why not just have a party? There's a hell of a lot more to a Christening than a nice day out. hmm

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 03-May-13 15:51:18

I don't know bumble, His record for smiting the right people is somewhat dubious......

I'm fairly certain telling lies makes the baby Jesus cry.

Honestly if there is a God do you think she cares about tick boxes on a CofE christening form ? No, she has bigger things to worry about !

ErrorError Fri 03-May-13 15:51:23

My friend had chosen Godparents but because neither were Catholic, the priest told her she had to choose another as well. They really didn't want to, but picked a Catholic acquaintance, who now rarely sees the DC anyway. For some people it's an honour, for others it's just a title. I'd rather have a naming ceremony myself (not religious) but this is not the norm where I live and family pressure could be a problem. I don't have DC yet but I do think about this possibility.

I know some people who happen to be Christened but would be terrible role models, and non-religious people who'd be wonderful and attentive to children. This is one of the reasons I abandoned religion, it's so subjective. Would still feel a bit weird about lying to the Church, but if it's not a moral issue for you then do it. Do whatever suits your own family.

orangepudding Fri 03-May-13 15:51:50


Your child shouldn't join the church based on a lie.

I'm not religious but I do feel that what you are doing is wrong.

bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:52:17

Floggingmolly - I'm not. I know what godparents do, and I know what guardians do. One of them is confirmed... I'd like them all to be one in the same.

And for ME, it's a nice day. But for others it means more.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 03-May-13 15:52:37

Can you join your children up to a number of different religions so that they have a choice when they're older? Like how you put down their name for a number of schools, just in case.

bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:53:59

You can put their name down for a number of schools??! wink

Nothing makes the baby Jesus cry according to what I learnt as a child "No crying he makes" - the only non-crying baby ever - wonder how Mary knew when he was hungry !

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