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--d-- h (separated) wants camera he gave to dd but asks through friends. AIBU to not "comply"

(26 Posts)
catfourfeet Thu 02-May-13 23:37:49

dh walked out on me and 4 dc 10 months ago.

He has severe m h problems (amne sia)

Has hardly contacted dcs, never come to visit them.

Living with his sister. A controlling bi**ch.

I have no direct contact , just emails via solicitor.

I'd be happy for him to ring / text / email me directly but he won't.

But ....... He has asked a close mutual friend via fb to ask me if he can "have" one of cameras.

Youngest dc is having a very important event and dh wants to take photos.

Am aibu to say "on your bike"

The camera is an old one of his and he gave it to dd.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 23:40:40

I remember your previous threads, I'm sorry to see its ended like this sad

If you need it tell him no. Or better yet, ignore him. After all, he hasn't actually asked you.

Softlysoftly Thu 02-May-13 23:40:56

So his amnesia means he forgets his kids but remembers he wants a camera he gifted to his child?

Tell him to fuck off, make sure you get nice photos for youngest dcs event and send him them.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 23:42:55

Ahh I misread, I didn't realise it was to photograph your kid.

So he doesn't remember any of you but remembers an old camera he gave away? sad I don't know anything about amnesia, is it possible he could remember such a strange detail?

catfourfeet Thu 02-May-13 23:46:38

He remembers me and the dcs.
Just forgets day to day stuff.

It's not his mh issue that's the "problem" but that ge won't bloody TALK to me but then "uses" our friends.

Separated ATM as until ge get well or sil releases her control HE effectively doesn't exist.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 03-May-13 00:15:36

is this the interferring sil who is not even related to h?

he hs not asked you diectly, it is lso not yours to give. there is a good chance that it will not come back too.

squeakytoy Fri 03-May-13 00:17:46

how can he take photos of your daughter if he doesnt see them?

catfourfeet Fri 03-May-13 00:18:24

It's HIS sister but the control has just got worse.

Actually "HE" hasn't asked me has he ???

thebody Fri 03-May-13 00:18:58

I would ignore him as he is ignoring you.

catfourfeet Fri 03-May-13 00:21:53

He is (supposedly) coming fir this very special event.

Though his emails gave been "will try my best"
" plannIng to come " crap

He can't come unaccompanied , his sis won't bring him and he's refused all my offers of friends to go and get him or taxis

Sunnywithshowers Fri 03-May-13 00:42:01

If he can't ask you directly...

Ignore. And (((hugs)))

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 03-May-13 01:03:50

Are you going to the important event? Can you not take photos and email some to him?

<I don't know the back story>

BookieMonster Fri 03-May-13 01:20:17

He hasn't asked you, and if you're not even sure he'll turn up I wouldn't bother. I'd say to this friend that you will take photos yourself and are prepared to forward these to him if requested.

JennyWren Fri 03-May-13 03:02:09

I would wait until he asks you himself. Then tell him that you'll give it to him at the event...

ZillionChocolate Fri 03-May-13 06:56:44

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry you've been put in the awkward position of a go between. I don't think that's fair. I'm perfectly happy to communicate with Dave directly. To save you from being stuck in the middle, I'm not going to answer any requests he makes through you.


ZillionChocolate Fri 03-May-13 06:57:31

I too remember your posts and am sorry to hear how bad things have got.

verytellytubby Fri 03-May-13 07:18:41

I remember your posts and was wondering how you got on.

I would ignore the request. You could email pictures to him.

Wasn't your sister overly involved as well?

FarBetterNow Fri 03-May-13 07:33:24

Don't give him the camera - you'll never get it back.

As others have said, you take them and email them to him.

Best wishes to you.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Fri 03-May-13 07:34:57

I remember you. Sad that it has ended up like this, but you had to put your DC's first in the situation they were in.

As he hasn't made a direct request, not even by text or email, I would just ignore it.

Hissy Fri 03-May-13 07:38:55

Ignore. Ignore ignore.

Let supersis get him one.

Altinkum Fri 03-May-13 08:06:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catfourfeet Fri 03-May-13 08:13:17

Altikmum : sis is VERY controlling , only thinks of dh nit his family.
Dh mh issues make him very vulnerable , easily led. She has said "I will fo everything I can to make sure ge never comes back"

I think my only "crIme" against his family was to say I couldn't cope full time with his ,quite frankly, appalling behaviour ( mood swings, aggression, selfishness etc) all due to his mh issues.

He left us but with the help of my sis and his sis.

Only thing is I'll take rubbish photos whereas he's REALY good.

Birdsgottafly Fri 03-May-13 09:15:57

I remember your other threads. I had to separate from my DH because of behavioural issues, it was difficult as he has cancerous brain tumours, but my DC's were at risk, so I understand some of your feelings. I had interfering relatives and I let that side of things take up to much of my energy. I would, as said, ignore requests unless they come from him. Don't let yourself get caught up in these petty issues. I am sorry that I didn't get help and counselling, so I could accept that my marriage was over and I had to parent alone. I looked after my DH when he became physically unwell, the relatives disappeared. You need to be discussing this with people who understand your on-going personal conflict. Are there any support groups for people whose relationship has been ended by disability? I am sorry that I didn't go down that route much sooner than I did, it would have benefited me and my children.

Birdsgottafly Fri 03-May-13 09:24:35

In regards to the actions of "family", they will have to eventually live with what they have done, it will catch up with them, whereas your worries will fade, your children will come through this and you will eventually have no trouble "living in your own head", unlike them.

Birdsgottafly Fri 03-May-13 09:24:36

In regards to the actions of "family", they will have to eventually live with what they have done, it will catch up with them, whereas your worries will fade, your children will come through this and you will eventually have no trouble "living in your own head", unlike them.

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