to think most people would assume you share tapas?

[AaDB]

Why suggest going for tapas, take part in a discussion to ensure a good mix is ordered and then take your food and say you will not be sharing?

[StuntGirl]

I would be

I sometimes get one dish to myself because I'm vegetarian and can't always share in everyone else's but everything else gets shared!

[gail734]

Tbh the sharing is the one reason I'm not mad about tapas! Who wouldn't share, OP?

[maddening]

I've gone for tapas as it was someone else's bday/leaving do etc but as a veggie who doesn't like spicy food I just had to order a couple of things for just me otherwise I would have had a bit of garlic bread and one bit of omelette. No dietary issues withstanding yanbu

[MagicHouse]

YANBU, but the trouble with tapas is that the portions are often so minute that "sharing" often means the couple of people who get to the dish first! I'm always starving after a meal of tapas. I guess I would make sure that more than one dish was ordered if it were something I really liked!

[LittleMissLucy]

I would say "so are we sharing or are we each going to pick one or two that we want" unless I was with my husband, a Spanish friend (of which i have several). I wouldn't assume anything if I was with someone I hadn't eaten tapas with before.

[Speedos]

YANBU however sharing food is my least favourite meal out!

[DiscoDonkey]

How weird! Although when it comes to Chinese my order is mine and everyone else can bog off!

[DiscoDonkey]

I would hate going for tapas and being limited to one or two dishes, that's why it's great to go in a group so you can order lots of different things

[trixymalixy]

YANBU, tapas is for sharing. Which is precisely why I don't like it as you always end up having to compromise. I'd much rather just choose my own food.

[AaDB]

Not a veggie or requiring a special diet. Friend was adamant that they didn't want to share food. If someone suggests tapas or a Chinese banquet, I would assume a share or even a taste is on the cards.

If sharing is a problem it is worth mentioning before the plates arrive at the table. I'd hate for someone to be stressed out when we are having a lovely night.

It is a bit like the extremely fussy people that go on Come Dine With Me.

[starfishmummy]

I think it would depend on who I was with. DH and I like different things so we would each have dishes just for ourselves as well as sharing ones. With other people I would say upfront if I wanted something to myself!

The good thing with tapas is that you can order more!!

[LadySlatternlysHoover]

I believe tapas is for sharing but when I go with DH and the DSs (both teenagers), we have to order quite a lot before we feel like we have been fed.

[sue52]

The whole point of Tapas is to share a variety of dishes over a drink with friends. YANBU.

[zipzap]

I think it depends on how many are in the group and the size of portions the restaurant serves.

If, say, you absolutely love the little lamb kebabs that come with 3 on a plate with a special sauce but a couple of others love the meatballs that come with 4 or 5 in a dish, so they get a couple of dishes - then if there are several of you at the meal, there's a high chance that you will get only 1 or none of your little lamb kebabs that you are really fond of, whereas the people that like meatballs will get a couple each plus there are some extras for others to have one each to try, so they can't see a problem with having one of your kebabs if you are having one of their meatballs. Can all end up very out of sync if you are the person whose favourite dish disappears before you get to it and all you end up with is a meatball or two that nobody else wanted when you don't even like meatballs...

In which case - I think it is reasonable to say that you want to keep your lamb kebabs for yourself as you don't like meatballs, if others want some to try then they can order some for themselves. If you end up in a group where there are some people that are greedy or selfish you can find yourself having a very unsatisfying meal whilst they think that it's marvellous because they've taken all the really nice stuff and nobody else gets a look in.

On the other hand, things like your patas bravas and tortilla that everybody wants a scoop or slice of as a basic part of the meal, then it is sensible to order xx of each for the table, see how it goes down and then decide whether or not the table needs more of either of them. So ordering these as a table makes much more sense as chances are you're not going to want to eat a whole portion of both but starting off with some and then adding more as needed (and when you can see which you like the best and fancy some more of) makes good sense, plus means you don't end up with lots of uneaten food.

I used to go to a lovely spanish restaurant with friends. Going with one or two friends, we were able to order between ourselves and would share the food, it was ordered on that basis and we knew what we liked and that we would both get enough of the bits we liked. However in bigger groups - we would definitely order one or two things each along with some sharing things. Then you could have your fill of the bits you wanted and if there was anything left over you could open it up for others to have - or swap something with a neighbour as you wanted, that way everyone is happy.

Sorry it's not a simple answer!

However I do agree that it's plain odd to take part in a discussion about getting a good mix and then say that their food is not up for grabs - are they expecting to be able to grab at other's food though?

[AaDB]

I am glad my friend could say what they wanted. I will ask in future. I really didn't realise how difficult some people find it to share food.

I think not wanting to share or allow a taste of tapas is a bit strange. I think if you suggest tapas, sharing is implied. You could order meals or meze boards.

[Viviennemary]

I think it's OK going for a shared meal like this with close family then you can say hey leave some for me. But it's not so easy with others. But if you only get one dish of something it's difficult enough to share with two people never mind more. Everyone gets a tiny morsel.

[AaDB]

Zipzap, not sharing meant that one person would have got patatas bravas and chick peas. Good job everyone else shared.

[bollockstoit]

I think it's nice to share with whoever you are with even when it's not tapas

[AmberLeaf]

I love Tapas, but if you are in a group bigger than 3-4, it is not enjoyable IMO.

[DontmindifIdo]

tapas is one of those meals where the assumption is sharing, I do think the onus should be on the person who has an issue with sharing to either steer a group away from the sort of meal where dishes go in the middle and you share, or to say before ordering that they would like to keep their dishes just for themself - allowing other people to work out what they would like to share (and not thinking, "oh, I won't order patatas bravas because X has" just to find X won't share).

If you really have a problem with sharing, you should be the one to make allowances when you are in a social situation where sharing is what's expected (although I do believe it's best not to trust someone who won't share food)

[AmberLeaf]

Even the thought of a larger group meal of Tapas makes me feel stabby!

Good points zipzap

[AmberLeaf]

The sharing of Tapas; you are meant to go for the larger portions if you intend to share dishes. The typical small dishes are not really to be shared.

[catgirl1976]

YADNBU

If someone broke the Tapas sharing law I would tip my Patas Bravas over their heads

Of course you share Tapas

The whole point of it being that you order waaaayy more food than is polite because you can fudge it around two or more of you sharing and you get a bit of everything you fancy

Am horrified some people would seek to ruin this. Savages.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I hate sharing food. Maybe the friend didn't understand the Tapas rules?

[Maggie111]

Tapas is my idea of a nightmare - food gets all mixed up, I'd rather eat what I ordered than have 30% of what I'd like and a mix of what everyone else thinks is good.

I always say to friends I don't like tapas when it is suggested - and push for another restaurant.... However if everyone wants to go I could go along with the crowd and depending on how the conversation went I might not pipe up "this is my food by the way" before it even arrives..

If people were asking each other "What are you going to order? I'm going to order x, if you order y we could also get z..."

I might just sit there and think it would be a bit weird to say "Well I'm ordering ABC and you can't have ANY!"

Yuk tapas!