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To not be at all keen on this idea?

(70 Posts)
Wheelsonthepram Thu 02-May-13 20:08:05

NCing regular in case this outs me!

This may be a bit long but I want to give as much info as possible! We live in a 3-bed house (1 double, 1 single and a box room). We have DS, 19mo, and DC2 due in December. DH's family live dotted around the country. In the 12 years we've been together, we've heard from one aunt sporadically (think phone call twice a year and a card at Christmas), another aunt even less (no calls ever, no cards at Christmas or when DS was born, we do send cards to her) and an uncle rarely - uncle is a bit of a hippy globetrotter who is perfectly happy sleeping on the sofa on his very rare (5/6 in 12 years) short-notice visits. DFIL visits maybe 3 or 4 times a year and stays either in his camper van or with DSIL in a nearby town.

At present, we have the double room, DS has his cotbed in the single, and the box room is a study. There's a futon in DS's room which we brought with us from a previous, bigger house, but not enough floor space to actually fold it out IYSWIM. When DC2 arrives and reaches the right age to be in his/her own room, I'd like to convert the study into a nursery, moving the cotbed in there and buying DS a big boy bed. DH is adamant he wants to use the study as a spare room, and put 6mo DC 2 in with DS - have the cot bed and a set of bunk beds (with DS in bottom bunk until DC2 moves out of cot bed, then he moves up). He's spoken to no-one who's put kids of a similar age in together, and thinks his relatives will visit more if we have somewhere for them to sleep. He also thinks more friends will visit if we have a spare room - no friends visit, ever and we only have one set that don't live in the same city anyway.

Which of us is BU, as neither of us is budging! I've said to DH if he investigates a bit more about the potential pros/cons of 2 young DCs in the same room I might be willing to discuss it further, but his entire argument is 'we always had a spare room growing up, I want one. '

PS - I know in the grand scheme of things this is petty so please don't point this out! I know people have worse problems, etc. etc. but this is what's bothering me right now!

cathpip Thu 02-May-13 20:16:56

My sisters girls (21 months apart) share a room and have done since youngest was 6 months, they had bunkbeds and a cot and eldest started on the bottom bunk and shifted up to the top when the youngest came out of her cot so she could have the bottom. It has worked really well, and no problems at bedtime etc. He does need to come up with a better argument though!!

BOF Thu 02-May-13 20:20:54

I think he's being a bit daft. It would be easy enough to put the eldest in with you on an air bed and let the guest take his bed for the rare occasion it might be necessary. It's silly to have the children cramped in together with all their stuff if it's just for a hypothetical visitor: it's just not efficient use of the space.

ENormaSnob Thu 02-May-13 20:25:51

What Bof said.

He is being pretty silly and quite unfair imo.

Goldrill Thu 02-May-13 20:28:52

Welll, it has to be whatever works for you all, obviously, but I'm in a similar position and there is no way I'm giving up my office!

DD1 is 2.5, DD2 is 6 months and still in with us - but as soon as she's sleeping through she'll be going in with big sis. Firstly, because DP and I both need workspace at home, and secondly because DP's rellies come and visit fairly often and I don't want to have to move DD each time.

And also, because they absolutely adore each other and I think they will really benefit from it! (tbh that's the main reason...)

MummytoKatie Thu 02-May-13 20:30:37

When I was a child we lived in a 4 bedroom house.

Bed 1 - parents
Bed 2 - guests
Bed 3 - me
Bed 4 - db

Until my parents did a calculation one year and worked out that there had been people sleeping in bedroom 2 for a grand total of 8 nights over a year (ie roughly 2% of the year) And what a waste that was.

Db quickly moved into bed 2 (under the agreement that he would move out for guests) and we were all much less squashed.

Suggest you do a similar calculation.

wannabedomesticgoddess Thu 02-May-13 20:32:47

It is your childrens home and they deserve as much space as is possible. Not cramped into a room while the spare goes unused.

HamletsSister Thu 02-May-13 20:33:51

Our two (18 months apart) shared a room from the age when the youngest was 6 months until we moved when they were 6/7. They loved sharing and this left us with space for a study / guest room. Sharing is IMO a good thing to help them learn to get on. But, as boy and girl, I knew it would only be for their early years.

Wheelsonthepram Thu 02-May-13 20:36:19

Thanks all - it's unanimously agreed that we have no need for a study, it's what to do with the room that's the sore point! MummytoKatie, I've suggested this, but as hardly anyone ever visits it's a bit of a non-starter, and DH honestly thinks that the possibility of rellies visiting more often if we had a spare room is enough reason to have one, refusing to listen to any of the reasons it's a bad idea! I've no objection to having DS in our bed for a couple of nights if a relative wanted to sleep in his room once he's in a proper bed.

Scootergrrrl Thu 02-May-13 20:40:17

What about using the spare room as a playroom for the children, so they have a room to sleep in together and a room to play in, plus a sofa bed or something which they can use for films or stories, and which can be folded out for guests? Then they can use the space most of the time and it'll be a compromise of sorts.

invicta Thu 02-May-13 20:42:41

Our boys have their own rooms. if we have one visitor, then they sleep in the smaller room, and the boys (two years age difference) sleep in the bigger bed room. If we have two visitors, they sleep in the bigger room, and the boys share the smaller room. One child has a bed with a guest bed that pulls out in one room.

It's not difficult.

SimplyRedHead Thu 02-May-13 20:45:20

My two girls have shared since the littlest one was about 4m old and moved into her own room. The biggest one just took her mattress and slept on the nursery floor!

They now have bunkbeds (aged 5 and 3) and are already asking when their brother can go in with them (aged 2 weeks!)

MummytoKatie Thu 02-May-13 20:47:50

Ok - maths time! How much (per year) does the box room cost you (difference in rent / mortgage between a 2 bed and 3 bed house.)

In 12 years you have had people stay how many nights exactly???

How much would it have cost to put these visitors in the most expensive hotel where you live? (Plus cost of a cab to get ther.)

Because if your dh is adamant that the boys share you may be better off moving to a 2 bed house and doing that. Actually from what you've said about regularity of visitors it would probably be cheaper for you all to go and stay in the hotel while they are visiting. And eat room service.

Or you could let the kids have a room each.

(It was a calculation like this that convinced us to go down to 1 car - in a year I went away to 2 hen dos and while I was away dh went to Tescos. The cost of those two trips to Tescos was about £400 in tax, insurance etc. The rest of the time at least one of the cars was in the garage. It would have been cheaper for dh to get a chauffeur driven limo!)

Purpleprickles Thu 02-May-13 20:49:53

I think I can kind of see where your dh is coming from. We have a 3 bed and my family live nearly 200miles away. We only have one ds at the moment who has the smallest room and we have a double bed in the spare room. Dh would like to move ds to the bigger room but my argument is that at the moment it's very easy for my parents to come and stay and because there is always a bed made up and available then they don't feel like they are putting us out (which they would) and that its easy for them to stay. Perhaps your dh feels like that?

Wheelsonthepram Thu 02-May-13 20:56:25

That's a good idea invicta, I'll suggest it when DH stops sulking is speaking to me again. He's literally sitting ignoring me at the minute. Scooter, again not a terrible idea, but the 2 rooms in question are very small - the study is a box room, and the single would be very cramped with a single or bunks plus cotbed. I can see a spare room being more practical when DCs are older if they are the same sex, but can't see how it's a good use of the space while they're little.

When DS was teeny, we literally got no sleep until we moved him into his own room, he was such a noisy sleeper! Even without any other considerations, I'm struggling to understand why we'd voluntarily and unnecessarily risk prolonging the sleepless nights by making DS sleep in the same tiny room as the baby, when we couldn't wait to move him into his own room so we could all finally get some sleep!

Oh, DH has just delivered a Kevin-The-Teenager worthy strop and flounced out to the supermarket. If he'd told me he hated me and it was all so unfair he couldn't have been more childish.

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 02-May-13 20:59:54

if the friends/relatives wanted to come and see you then they would. Blow up mattress or even a night in a £29 travel-lodge wouldn't stop them.

Could always compromise and give it 6 months as a spare bedroom and if it is used less than a set amount then it changes to a childs room

Wheelsonthepram Thu 02-May-13 21:01:06

In the last 12 years we've had approximately 4 different people stay a total of maybe 6 weeks? Not 6 weeks each, 6 weeks if you add up all the nights they've stayed separately.

Purple, DFIL currently drives up and sleeps in his camper van. No-one else visits with any sort of regularity, people other than him account for maybe 10 of the nights mentioned above.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 02-May-13 21:01:40

YANBU! Why have a three bed house, and the need for three bedrooms, yet not use one of these on the off chance that a very rare visitor may pop by? Absolutely no logic to DH's argument whatsoever - and he sounds pretty immature to have flounced out in a temper to boot!

CloudsAndTrees Thu 02-May-13 21:17:47

I'd have them sharing just because I liked them sharing.

We have always had space for our 2 ds's to have a room each, but they shared a room until the oldest was nearly 10. I have a lot of lovely memories of sneakily listening to them chat after the lights were out. They can always play in the spare room and have bigger toys/games last out in there to make use of the space.

loofet Thu 02-May-13 21:26:54

Yanbu. Our eldest two are 15 months apart and have shared since DC2 moved in there at six months. They love sharing, I think we'd be hard pushed to even attempt seperate rooms now so sharing does work!

However having them share just because of a hypothetical guest which doesn't even sound that likely is silly. Just put a guest on the sofa if you ever have one or make the DC share/bring one in with you. Its not like you have guests coming and going a lot, just seems silly to leave that space open on the off chance someone will stay for a day or two.

YellowDinosaur Thu 02-May-13 21:28:44

Why not get a sofa bed for your sitting room? Then guests can stay there on the rare occasion they come up.

When the boys are old enough to each be sleeping in proper beds you could have bunk beds in one of their bedrooms and a single with pull out bed under to convert it to a double in the other. They each have their own room but when guests come to stay the boys can gp in together and the guests have the room with the pull out bed in.

thegreylady Thu 02-May-13 21:31:08

My dd has two boys [4&6] who have always had their own rooms. There is a futon in dgs1 room and if they have guests dd and her dh sleep on the futon and guests have their room.

YellowDinosaur Thu 02-May-13 21:31:17

I agree with you that unless there are other reasons for wanting the boys to share it's daft to have a spare room just on the off chance.

We both have parents who stay every 6 Weeks or so and when we lived in a3 bed house similar to you we got a sofa bed for guests in the sitting room. It would have been daft to make our kids share when they didn't need to (and ds2 was a terrible sleeper who would have disturbed ds1 if they had shared)

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 21:32:08

Utterly ridiculous, I'd give them a room each. A room dedicated to occasional random family/friends which will sit unused the rest of the time vs both children having a room each which will be used all the time.


Wheelsonthepram Thu 02-May-13 21:34:32

Yellow, we don't know yet if DC2 is a DS or a DD! I wouldn't be at all averse to getting a sofa bed for the living room, but DH won't listen to any discussion at the moment, I've given up as he talks over me every time I try in a very annoying and immature way "no, no, you have things all YOUR way, after all YOUR family all live nearby so all the IMPORTANT people are ok!" I'm going to bed soon, I really can't be arsed with him in this mood, I'd love to have a civilised discussion about reaching a compromise.

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