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AIBU to think they should share the joke?

(10 Posts)
Kneebeefjerky Thu 02-May-13 12:04:56

I have returned from maternity leave within the last few months and my small team has changed quite a lot. New boss who doesn’t work on site, new staff members, it’s got extremely cliquey and bitchy in a way that it wasn’t before.
Anyway, there are four members in our team, one of them works from home quite a lot and the other two are very close. Fine.

The problem is that the two of them are always sitting in the corner giggling with each other and sharing private jokes, which makes me feel uncomfortable. Especially as I am the only one left out most of the time. They make such an effort not to allow you to hear what they are saying it makes you paranoid and they admit they are being ‘mean girls’ and ‘bitchy’.

The worst thing is they are constantly sending each other messages over our messenger systems which is obviously stuff which is even worse and they don’t want to be heard by others even more. But they do this while you’re having a conversation with one of them. You’ll be talking to one of them about something serious to do with work and they’ll suddenly burst out laughing in your face at something they’ve had messaged to them by the other one. It’s happening so often it makes me think that they’re taking the piss out of me whilst I talk to them using the messenger. It is making me feel undermined and insecure at work.

AIBU to think that they should either share the joke or not have it all and that it’s rude to be constantly giggling away like school children at jokes you’re not prepared to share with your colleagues? I’m not sure if I should say something or how I should handle this, it’s making me feel horrible.

emsyj Thu 02-May-13 12:06:46

I would report this to HR. How are they getting any work done if they spend all day doing this schoolyard crap?

aldiwhore Thu 02-May-13 12:09:36


Very juvenille.

I like a giggle as it makes the day go faster and helps keep moral high, but in our office EVERYONE is always included, and our instant messenger service is monitored (this helps!).

I would concentrate on building a good relationship with your new boss. Do you have regular PDRs? You could bring it up as a general issue? Though that's dangerous ground and will certainly make things more uncomfortable.

I'm not sure what to do for the best, because you're not dealing with pleasant, inclusive people. I'm sure you'll get excellent advice on here but I just wanted to say YANBU at all. It must make your working day very difficult.

Kneebeefjerky Thu 02-May-13 12:39:51

My boss is very much disinterested in the personal politics in the office and if you bring them up with him seems to view you as being 'difficult'.

It's also a problem because he works out of office and since I've come back he is asking the same two people for progress reports on how I'm doing. And they're being overly negative, there might have been a few teething problems but they're exageratting and reporting every little thing as being a huge problem (like one line of text being 1pt too small in font).

I feel like I need to bring it up with them directly but don't know how to do it.

Kneebeefjerky Thu 02-May-13 12:40:58

And also the negative reports seem to be motivated more by their personal feelings about me than by actual performance.

seriouscakeeater Thu 02-May-13 13:01:32

I would ask for a team meeting. Sit down all together and discuss. Tell your manager it's making you feel anxious about coming to work. If he thinks your gonna go of on the sick with stress he will soon sort it, failing that go over his head and say he is not supporting you.

The two brats in the office are really nobody's , it's the line manager that needs to intervene

VinegarTits Thu 02-May-13 13:06:34

dont bring it up with them directly, go to your line manager again and ask him to support you, tell him that you feel it is work place bullying, also point out that they are abusing work priviledges by using the company IM in this way, if he doesnt support you go above his head

find out if the chat history is logged, and maybe mention (in casual conversation) to the two knobbers that their chats are being logged, maybe they will think twice

VinegarTits Thu 02-May-13 13:07:29

i would also start keeping a diary of their little outbursts

Wishiwasanheiress Thu 02-May-13 13:20:21

Messenger systems at work are under the firms code of conduct rules. Like you would be sacked for inappropriate emails, so can u be for messenger.

I sacked a secretary for bad mouthing another girl on such a system. Girl who wrote it left the desk. She forgot to close the screen. Another girl saw it. She was so upset by seeing the comment about a team member she told me. Being the team boss and she still wasn't back I photo'd the screen and IT downloaded the conversation. She was sacked in 48hrs. Gross misconduct, breach of IT policy & code conduct.

Her defense? She (was dim) thought it a private conversation. As. If.

So, YANBU to feel intimidated or bad about this. If mention to team leader. Start with quiet word or reminder of business policies. Might be enough to cease it.

Wishiwasanheiress Thu 02-May-13 13:20:49

Oh and IT policy rules

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