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Long term crush on colleague

(129 Posts)
Iamanananas Wed 01-May-13 22:31:51

I have been married with DW for over 2 years, with her for more than 10. Things have not been great for a while. Not completely sure when it started but I reached a point when I lost all my confidence at home. I started to have a crush on my colleague almost 2 years ago. she is in a long term relationship with DB and I don't think she has even realised I like her. I started counselling a few months ago as the crush did not stop and my relationship with DW was not Improving. The crush started quite a while after the realisation that my relationship was not going the right way and i never had a crush until I met her. I know that DC is unreachable but I cannot stop thinking about her all the time. The more i go to counselling the stronger my feelings for DC become. it hurts so much and the guilt feeling is so intense!! I have not done anything wrong (yet) and, in some ways, I am proud of it and I am really trying to get thing working with DW. I'm so fed up to feel like this, and really feel abnormal in some ways. Has anybody been in a similar situation?

SacreBlue Sat 04-May-13 02:05:00

I think the crush obsession thing started because the colleague made signs telling me she liked me

....and there we are, the expected it's her fault you have a crush hmm

Wind your neck in love, it's your responsiblilty, no one else's.

That single sentence clinched it for me, you are being an arse.

cafecito Sat 04-May-13 02:27:30

You are being an arse.

You must shake yourself out of this before you ruin your career and your marriage.

I do sympathise with the difficulty if you genuinely have feelings for your colleague. But she obviously doesn't reciprocate and you really must stamp them out. Surely it's exhausting.

I do also have experience of this myself, I fell head over heels for my boss hmm which was not a good idea, did not end well at all. I realise with hindsight, it wasn't my boss that was the issue, it was my total unhappiness in my relationship with (now ex) P that made those very intense feelings for my boss manifest themselves. I think this could be the case for you and you seriously need to work on your relationship with DW to the exclusion of any outside influences or concepts. The grass won't be greener. Try and save what you have.

LittleMissLucy Sat 04-May-13 03:04:23

I can't believe this thread is still active. It died for me long ago.

ladywiththelapdog Sat 25-May-13 10:11:27

I resurrect this thread to say to anyone who is contemplating similar, DON'T DO IT. The potential for getting hurt in situations like this is just too great, and the recovery really isn't easy. It is also almost inevitable that there will be misunderstandings between the parties, which cause further pain and embarrassment.

Life isn't so straightforward and we are fallible but from recent experience I am inclined to think that a simple, if dull life is preferable to the level of pain that comes when you allow feelings like this to take hold.

So OP, if you are still reading this, please give the woman a break, you don't know what you may be doing to her if you start playing with her.

I so wish I had never seen this thread.

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