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to cancel going to a hen party to attend another event?

(29 Posts)
poglol Wed 01-May-13 18:40:43

Have been invited to a hen party of someone i know, not a close friend but someone i am becoming friends with. I can't attend the wedding even though I've been invited, as I'm on holiday.

Now my boss is retiring. She has been my boss for 11 years and i really admire her. She has taught me a lot and she's a good boss. Her retirement party is the same night.

I really don't want to miss the chance to wish my boss farewell, but i hate it when people pull out of events for a 'better offer' . Actually the hen party will probably be the more fun event, as the retirement party will be work collages, who are a rather mixed bunch to socialise with, but i don't want to miss my boss's send off.

Any suggestions?

HollyBerryBush Wed 01-May-13 18:42:10

Go where you want to go.

Personally I'd be going where I could mingle and increase my career prospects, but I'm mercenary like that.

poglol Wed 01-May-13 18:49:49

holly won't help the career much, alcohol will be involved!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Wed 01-May-13 18:51:27

Can you do both? Go to the retirement party at the start of the evening and catch up with the hen party a bit later.

Justforlaughs Wed 01-May-13 18:52:24

I'm assuming that there is no way you can "show your face" at one of the events and then attend the other. If not then I don't envy you your choice. Would your boss understand and go out for a drink at lunchtime with you or something?

poglol Wed 01-May-13 19:04:57

Don't think i can do both sadly, they are in different towns although quite local.

I'm sure my boss will be OK with me not going, but I want to go to show appreciation really.

mynewpassion Wed 01-May-13 19:08:11

Easily solvable. Take boss out to dinner a few nights before leaving party then go to hen party

scaevola Wed 01-May-13 19:10:25

You really shouldn't pull out of the hen party if you've already accepted.

I agree with mynewpassion that you could take the boss out separately.

mynewpassion Wed 01-May-13 19:10:29

If not dinner you can do lunch.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 01-May-13 19:11:19

I don't think you should pull out of the hen party. They are often costed on the basis of how many people are going, so you pulling out could result in others needing to pay more.

Even if that isn't the case, I think it is rude to pull out for a 'better offer'. You would probably find that you were no longer becoming friends with that person!

poglol Wed 01-May-13 19:11:47

Hummm wonder if boss would like meal out idea?

poglol Wed 01-May-13 19:13:41

That's what i mean alibaba i think it's wrong to say oh yes I'd love to come, oh no now i can't.

Longdistance Wed 01-May-13 19:25:16

You could lookupon it as, your boss is leaving to retire, so you may never see them again, but with the hen, you are beginning a new friendship, and you don't go, the hen may get upset by you cancelling, and you won't have her as a new friend iygwim.

thermalsinapril Wed 01-May-13 19:28:12

> i hate it when people pull out of events for a 'better offer'

I think that gives you the answer.

poglol Wed 01-May-13 19:29:41

Yes longdistance it's a good point. New friend is hopefully going to be around for a while.

badguider Wed 01-May-13 19:30:25

Is boss's thing not straight from work? If so, stay for an hour then go to hen party late.

poglol Wed 01-May-13 19:34:53

Yes thermals, i know what i should do, as i do get annoyed when people do this.

On other hand longdistance I've know the boss for 11 years, but have only just meet the friend, who presumably will have loads of other friends there who i don't know, and maybe wouldn't miss me?hmm

poglol Wed 01-May-13 19:36:11

Could stay straight from work for a bit, but i think it is an evening thing tbh.

Longdistance Thu 02-May-13 06:04:35

But Poglol, your friend ma well have like mine de friends to her, and you could perhaps make some new friends on her hen do.

SanitaryOwl Thu 02-May-13 06:54:06

It's her hen party, she's invited you, she'll notice you're not there.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 02-May-13 07:02:15

I think if you have already said you will attend the hen party it would be really bad manners to pull out to go elsewhere.

Either pop along to leaving party and meet up with hen party later, if they are both local(ish) it should be do-able, or go out with boss for a drink separately.

I would just explain to the boss that you have already committed to another night out.

MsJupiterJones Thu 02-May-13 07:22:42

I had this situation with my boss and a hen party a couple of years ago, as it was my sister there was less question over whether to go but I felt really bad at missing my boss's do. However we're still in touch and he knows how much I respect him and am grateful for his input into my life & career. He had lots of other people there to send him off so I was less missed there than I would have been at the hen party, which was a more select gathering.

I think in general people who cancel are always missed at hen parties. As someone else said hen nights are often costed on a group basis (esp if there is an activity) so it could also put the others out of pocket (meaning you'd be missed for the wrong reason!).

A good hen party can really cement a friendship and I bet your presence will be really appreciated.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 02-May-13 08:00:14

I think it's wrong to accept an invitation and then to drop out because something else comes along. You have made a commitment, and ime people do get upset when people drop out of events that are important to them.

You are trying to convince yourself that it's ok to ditch the hen night, but if you know the hen will be disappointed, then you know it's not really. You wouldn't be feeling guilty enough to ask the question otherwise.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 08:03:08

If there's a double booking always go for the one you agreed to first. Apologise to your boss, and arrange to take her out for lunch/dinner another time.

VoiceofUnreason Thu 02-May-13 08:08:43

It's downright rude to drop out of something you've already accepted because something else has come along. The only exception would be something involving immediate family.

Agree with others, I can see no reason why you couldn't show your appreciation for your boss by taking them to lunch, even if this is the week after they have left the firm (which they might appreciate even more, as they get used to the lack of routine and seeing regular faces).

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