Am I being an unreasonable cow? More of a rant!(60 Posts)
There are quite a few families with children living over the road from me on our development. One family are pleasant and distantly friendly with five kids of varying ages who come over to play with my 3 yr old. The kids range from 5 to 10.
Until now this has been fine. I don't mind then in my house/ garden, they play nicely with my DD and are good kids in general. Lately, however it has become more of a struggle because I am heavily pregnant, due in two days, and don't feel great. When they come over, it tends to be impromptu around 4.30-5pm, they require supervision, often want me to 'play' with them and lately have started asking for food and drink. They don't go home when they say will, don't leave when asked nicely and are becoming quite demanding in terms of activities. They exhaust me.
They also tell me their mum tells them to come over for an hour or so as she needs to get housework done or needs a break. It is starting to piss me off as she KNOWS I am near my due date as I physically walked them over the road the other day and told her I was having pains and needed the kids to go home. She was nice about it but tbf I don't think she has a huge amount of control over them. Added to the fact I really really don't want anyone in the house at the moment. It's possibly to do with pregnancy but I feel really funny about my personal space. I don't even want relatives visiting me at the mo. I just want downtime with my DH and daughter and to get the place ready for our new arrival. I actually feel a bit violated and angry when the kids run all over the house dragging out toys and so on whereas in the past this didn't bother me.
I am finding it hard to say no. They jump on me as soon as I leave the house, ring on the doorbell repeatedly, and look upset when I say no. My dd also gets upset. Even worse another family over the road has started. The oldest two girls, again only 7 and 11, keep knocking wanting to come in. They harder to handle as not greatly well behaved and can be quite cheeky. When I said no the other day, they just sat outside my front door and 'waited'... I feel quite crowded and hounded all of a sudden.
I am being hugely pathetic I know, but I need to know if I am being unreasonable in not letting them in my house for at least a few weeks, and if not, how to explain it to them firmly and kindly.
You aren't being firm enough - you just send them back home and say that it isn't a good time at the moment and KEEP doing it. No need for explanations a simple not at the moment is enough.
Your not being pathetic your 9 months pregnant,the last thing you need is other peoples children to have to look after, if anything your neighbour's should be offering to help you out with your daughter not expecting you to watch their children as you have had their children to play so much in your house. Also the older children should be old enough to understand you are physically not able to play with them you are definitely not being Unreasonable.
YANBU. I wouldn't like to be the unofficial street babysitter anyway, never mind when heavily pregnant.
Can you speak to the mums again and say that it's very unfair to expect you to mind their children and that you won't be able to have them once baby arrives?
Failing that tell the kids they're not coming in and to get off your property if they won't budge. I know your lo enjoys it, but there is a limit to the amount of interest an 11 to has in a 3yo. They are using you.
Can your DH/P step in and help you if you are finding it difficult?
Yanbu - I wouldn't let them in for a while at all - if they persist in ringing the door bell then call the mother and tell her to pick up the dc.
Just say no, firmly.
It really isn't that hard.
Send them away! It's your house, you tell them it's not a good time. Probably worth telling the mothers too that you can't have them round for a few weeks, you need a rest and your not a free childminding service. And what's an 11yr old doing playing with a 3yr ol, they need some bigger friends.
I think anyone with any common sense should be understanding of your need for space and quiet right now. For what its worth.. even if you werent heavily pregnant they are being ridiculous and should have a bit more gratitude and respect..
But you are. I would try having a quiet word with the mum/s. Just be really overly friendly and say something like "i love that dd has friends close but im really struggling atm. Could you please not send the kids over for the time being as i just need the rest. Ill lwt you know when im settled properly after having the baby." You never know.. she might just need telling and once she realises if shes sympathetic they might even take dd for a few hours or something..
Also has your dh not said no to them? Will the kids listen to him? Does he know how pissed off you are? The reinforcement frkm him may help. Good luck x
Id be sending them home with a very firm no, they won't be able to when new baby is here. I had this with a little boy who used to say mum says I have to stay here till dinner at 9am, sent him home and told him to tell his mum I am not an unpaid babysitter do the same and don't feel bad!,
My DH has stepped in and kindly told them now is not a good time on a few occasions!
I know I am not being firm enough. I don't have the energy and they always I seem to get round me. They are unbelievably persistent.
I feel really silly as in the past I have set them quite clear boundaries but now I am becoming a pushover. I think it is more about me than them at the moment. Have to face them now as they are all playing out the front!
No I don't have their mum's mobile no. And I wouldn't be posting if I found it easy to say no at the moment!
I actually don't want to upset them as they are good kids and are lovely with my Dd.
I'd talk to the other mum and say while you and your DD do enjoy having the kids around (even if you don't entirely, it starts the conversation off on a nice footing) but you are due any day now and then you will have a newborn. So while you'd like your DD to keep playing with them in the long term, over the next few months it will be a lot rarer, and you'd prefer to organise it first.
Just don't answer the door or face the fact that if you don't deal with it now they'll be waking up your baby in a few weeks.
I agree, don't answer the door if it's not convenient. Get it sorted now before the baby arrives. I wouldn't bother talking to the other mums - just tell the kids 'no'
I used to have it with the little girls next door, they were 8 and 7, my ds was already in High school.
I just very calmly said, no, you can't come in today, I'm busy.
No excuses, nothing.
Their mum was nice but scatty, so I didn't go to her, they soon stopped because they knew I wouldn't let them in.
You're an adult, they're children, tell them.
Be very firm. No visitors today. It's the line I use.
YANBU, I have a similar situation, where neighbourhood kids come and knock at my door so they can play with my kids. Sometimes it is acceptable - my kids are bored and they can go outside and play - sometimes it is inconvenient and I say a firm no. Since you are about to have a new baby in the house, I agree with Thurlow and Bobyan that you need to sort this out now. Speak to the other mum and explain that you will not be
babysitting hosting the kids for a while, 'cos you need a peaceful house for the new babe. Sounds pretty reasonable to me!
your not being silly I am someone who hates saying no and I let it go on far too long but better now than when your trying to settle baby and have some time with dd. you don't need to upset them just say no not today and close the door..I tend to go with being busy going somewhere or other if I cba to explain myself
You could always say "I'm busy atm but dd can come and play at yours for a bit"
Bet they stop then
You poor thing - you do sound hounded! Tell the kids No, every.single.time. If they persist, you NEED to talk to the other parents and say 'I'm not a free baby-sitter, I'm heavily pregnant and do not want children that aren't mine messing up my house'.
Do you have a partner/husband that can back you up?
Yanbu, I'm due in a few days as well, I really couldn't handle this. My neighbours are offering to help me out not dumping their kids on me! Just Say No. Not convenient. Close the door.
Thank you. Some handy tips and I don't feel quite so mean!
I think the 11 yr old comes from quite an unstable home life and is often kicking around with little to do. I also think she may have some complex needs.
I'd stop all play dates for a month. Tell your DD you are doing this as you need a break and the children are becoming too demanding.
Every time a child comes to your door, just say no play dates this week. And keep saying it. Ignore sad faces and provide your DD with a small treat.
You need to put your needs first.
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