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AIBU?

Joint finances

17 replies

twentythirteen · 01/05/2013 15:10

I've posted this in money matters and then remembered aibu gets more traffic!

My oh and I moved in together over a year ago. We each have our own houses/mortgages. I wanted to protect my position and independence so only asked that he share the bills. He lives effectively rent free and rents out his house. This had not been a problem but I am now ready (I've worked through my issues!), and am ready to take the leap into joint finance. But I want to go in to this not reliant upon him for directing how we do this. Do you have any advice on what's fair?

Although I make more money my mortgage is higher and I have loans from doing the house up so I have very little left over after I pay the bills so I can't builds up a savings.I feel greedy thinking if asking him to contribute equally. Am I?

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 01/05/2013 15:55

Why do you feel greedy asking him to contribute equally - he is living there too.

DH and I have a house each and I rent mine out. I treat any money from that as a business account and dont touch it apart from to pay bits off the mortgage.

The house we live in technically is DH's - we both work full time and so we put the same amount of money each every month into a joint account to cover all household bills etc and then what I have left is mine and what he has left is his.

Works perfectly for us :)

x2boys · 01/05/2013 16:51

depends onyour circumstanes we both work full time but i earn twice as much as dh. Although i technically own our home i had a mortgage before i met him we count all money coming in as family money we have a lot of out goings at present and ,i dont think it would Be fair of me to say to dh ok i earn twice as much as you so i can have treats and you cant as financial circumstances get a it better though it would be nice just to have a bit of cash each for ourselves

CloudsAndTrees · 01/05/2013 16:58

My DH and I have unequal incomes and unequal personal outgoings due to loans and me having two children that aren't his. I owned the house we live in outright before we met. We put the same amount each into a joint bills account, he puts a lot more than me into a joint savings account, and we each pay for other day to day things like top up shopping out of our own accounts. He tends to pay when we go out or when we buy things we need for the house, and he pays for our holidays.

YANBgreedy by asking him to pay his share of bills, but I wouldn't expect him to contribute to your mortgage when he will have no ownership of it.

Underherthumb · 01/05/2013 16:59

Can only speak for ourselves but we had a good few discussions on similar lines. We ended up with a half/half solution where we both have our own bank accounts but pay sizeable sums into joint accounts; one for house stuff, one for DD essentials and nursery, and a third for shopping and petrol.

Sounds complicated but works great for us.

jacks365 · 01/05/2013 17:04

I would actually be wary in your situation as there could be issues of him having a claim on your property if he is paying the mortgage with you even if his name isn't on it. I would take legal advice before taking this step.

EuroShaggleton · 01/05/2013 17:11

We were in a similar position when we first moved in together if I understand your post.

We lived together in my house, he had a flat that he had tried to sell when we moved in together but couldn't (credit crunch) and so he rented that out. We set up a joint account for mortgage and bills and paid into that proportionately to our incomes. We paid slightly more than was needed each month so there was a surplus to cover things like home repairs. Otherwise, we keep our finances separate. We are married now but have maintained this arrangement.

nextphase · 01/05/2013 17:19

We put everything into one account, and everything comes out of that account. We were married when we did this, but had a house and mortgage each.

Lots of people seem to work out how much all the bills / mortgage /household shoppingetc is, and how much each income is (so his would be salary plus rent), and then put in an amount that is proportional to salary - so if you earn 30k, and his salary plus rent is 20K, you would put in 3/5 of the total bills amount, and him 2/5. The rest is own spending money.

1Catherine1 · 01/05/2013 17:20

Can I start by saying Don't open a joint account These can screw up both of your credit ratings at any point. Just don't do it, have a designated account by all means but have it in one person's name not both.

Next. I'm not sure about the comment Jacks made, it could be a very good point but I'm clueless really so ignoring it for now (I wouldn't suggest you do). If you want to avoid the issues, I guess keeping your loans and mortgage costs to yourself is the way to go. However, I would think that the money he is making from renting his house should immediately go into the family pot (kinda like rent), because if he didn't live with you he wouldn't have that money as he'd be living there. So that could be used for your loan.

The rest of the stuff (expenses and such), I always feel should be paid for from what if earnt, and then whatever is left split 50-50. I fear I'm not making sense.

What I mean is, take your household income (not including his rent money), minus your household expenses excluding house costs. The remainder is split equally. Then you pay your house costs with what is left from your share plus his rent money. I know this would look much better as an algebraic formula...

Awfully complicated - we just shove it all in to my account as I manage the bills and stuff. He asks nicely when he wants to buy something (I wish).

HollyBerryBush · 01/05/2013 17:26

We each have our own houses/mortgages. I wanted to protect my position and independence so only asked that he share the bills. He lives effectively rent free and rents out his house.

The way I see it, you both have an asset in a house?

He is living with your house, paying a share bills, whilst renting his out and keeping the rental money.

the way I see it, you have two courses open to you:

(a) you carry on as you are, both keeping your individual assets (house) because whether he was living with you or not, you would have to find the mortgage

or

(b) you treat everything as pooled, that means including the rental money as income then pooling both sets of outgoings that means both mortgages, and will undoubtedly include his insurances and water rates etc.

There is a third option. if you are ready to take the plunge, sell everything and buy together. If your seposit is unequal, make sure you draw deeds accordingly ie 30% yours 70% huis in the event of a split.

twentythirteen · 01/05/2013 17:41

That's interesting Betty, I might propose that model.

X2 one of the things I would like to redress is the imbalance as he can afford to be generous toward me and I cannot be so generous back. Leaves me feeling stingy - but if we shared the costs then I could be a lot less uptight about money! But I will need to think about how to divide the costs fairly according to our earnings - that's helpful.

Euro, OH wanted to set up a joint account initially but I did not have any money leftover to put into it - he does want to be fair, I know I've been the one adding undue pressure so am now trying to find a way forward.

Nextphase, good point.

I think I got that Catherine - I made notes!

Holly, I think that's part of where I'm coming from with this. We are ready to buy a place together but haven't found one yet and have just accepted to stay this way another year or two. But out long term plan is just that.

Jacks I was very wary, but not because of him, because of my own issues. He's a great guy. We have decided to draw up wills, largely because if he died his family would probably give me his property but if I died my family would not be so thoughtful. We've been together 6 year, I know him well and thankfully do not have to be wary of him.

Thanks all of you!

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Skinnywhippet · 01/05/2013 21:04

My husband had a house when I met him, he also earns more than me. When we moved we used the money from his house sale to buy a house together and pay the mortgage equally. We have individual accounts but pay a certain amount ( this will change to percent as oh earnings increase) into a joint account to cover bills. We were considering having our salaries paid into the joint and taking out the same amount each into individual account because this is fairer if one person earns more. However, the current set up works fine. May change this if I am on maternity leave etc.

Viviennemary · 01/05/2013 21:10

It is difficult to have completely joint finances if you both own substantial assets such as property. That's only my opinion as some people seem to manage very well. But the point is he is receiving rent for his house while he is living rent-free in your house. This cannot be seen as in any way fair. So that will have to change.

twentythirteen · 01/05/2013 22:47

It's all sorted. Thanks everyone, we had a very straight forward conversation. OH actually said I just do what you ask me to do - and it's true, he wasn't taking advantage, I was willing to pay an outrageous ammount for my independence. As of next month we'll be paying as per our incomes. Phew, why does money raise so many anxieties?

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boodles · 01/05/2013 22:57

Why not live in his house rent free for a while while you rent your house and pay the mortgage with that. Seems to me he has a good deal, if he wasn't living with you he would not have the income from his house as he would be living in it and paying the mortgage/bills.

1Catherine1 · 02/05/2013 09:40

Well I'm glad you got it all sorted.

Money does funny things to us. Especially if you've been burnt before.

SanitaryOwl · 02/05/2013 10:53

Money is tough to settle on. We've had a joint account since we moved in together, we both pay a fixed amount into it which covers the rent, the bills, and has a (tiny) bit left over every month. And we both have individual accounts that we have our salaries paid into. We're married now, but getting that joint account was a bigger sign of commitment than the wedding if you ask me!

It all evens out though, we've both had periods of unemployment in the last couple of years, and the other one just took up the slack when necessary. Quid pro quo and all that! We've discussed the idea pooling all our finances since the wedding, but we both find the idea a bit horrifying for some reason, so we'll be sticking with the current arrangement, I think.

twentythirteen · 02/05/2013 22:29

My house is better Boodles!

And I know what you mean SanitaryOwl, it will all even out, I think I've bascially just made the final commitment - he was willing much earlier on.

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