To think OH should come down a peg or 2.

[rainbowslollipops]

He got a verbal warning last week for losing something at work. Yesterday his manager accused him of not doing his job yesterday and said he needed to sort himself out. He argued a bit with her then left it be. Now, he doesn't live with me but we are considering it. I don't think he's in the right position to be arguing with his manager right now and should have tackled it differently. AIBU to think he needs to come down a peg, apologise today, explain himself and agree to put it behind him and make today a fresh day?

[Littleturkish]

OH or your DS??

Surely he needs to see this himself?

[Justforlaughs]

Well I suppose that it depends on whether he is actually in the wrong or whether the manager is finding fault where there is none. How long has been in his job and how long has the manager been there? It's not unknown for new managers to come in and throw their weight around at perfectly good staff just to make a point. You don't give much info. to go on.

[rainbowslollipops]

He's been there 4 years and the manager has been there longer. Hes not keen on the manager and never has been but although I understand that I also understand that sometimes you do have to grin and bear it and there are other ways to work around things. Other half not ds.

[Justforlaughs]

In which case leave him to sort it out for himself. One assumes that it isn't the first time they've had a run in and they are both still there. I'm sure he knows how far he can go. On the other hand YANBU to not want to hear about it.

[Callisto]

He probably feels that his manliness is threatened because he has to take orders from a woman . If you think this may be the case I would get rid while you can because he will be the type to expect you to skivvy for him at home too.

[mayorquimby]

"He probably feels that his manliness is threatened because he has to take orders from a woman"

Doesn't get on with one female boss = must be a chauvinist

Surely up there with "she got angry about something, she must be on her period or something"

[Callisto]

I know, dreadful assumption to make.

[Nelly000]

Your OH is over 18 and therefore an adult who should make his own decisions and manage his own career, yes?

[aldiwhore]

I don't think a person should ever tolerate being put down by anyone 'above' them. A decent manager with criticise constructively.

I think that seeing as you don't work with him, and don't know the circumstances you should support your OH rather than join his manager in the kicking.

His manager may be right, but your OH is obviously not in agreement or happy.

Seeing as you don't know the circumstances, I think your attitude that he should come down a peg or two is at best unhelpful, it adds no value and makes your OH feel worse.

Yes, sometimes you have to grin and bear things, but not constant put downs. I would encourage (if it were my OH) resolution, strategies that may help, perhaps even seeking work elsewhere. I would certainly not tell my OH to shut up and put up if it were knocking his confidence.

Sorry I think YABU.

[LessMissAbs]

A verbal warning is a formal disciplinary procedure and not undertaken lightly. It doesn't really matter if your DP agrees with it or not, if he loses things at work and resists discipline, then he is going to get a bit of a reputation of the wrong sort.

I get the impression the OP is beginning to wonder what sort of person he is.

[Justforlaughs]

He probably feels that his manliness is threatened because he has to take orders from a woman, where has the OP said that the boss is a woman?

[HintofBream]

She said in her first post "he argued a bit with her".

[andubelievedthat]

Please tell us he didn't say to her "time of the month ,luv" as all manly blokes ,who have a female boss have to say that ,don"t they ?! men,pha!

[andubelievedthat]

Please tell us he didn't say to her "time of the month ,luv" as all manly blokes ,who have a female boss have to say that ,don"t they ?! men,pha!

[WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo]

I think you should stay out of it tbh op. if you think hes an immature argumentative type in general then dont move in with him but if this is just an issue with his manager let him get on with it.

[rainbowslollipops]

No where in my post did I say he doesn't like being bosses around by women. His supervisor is a female and a close friend of his. All I'm saying is I think in this day and age you can't afford to argue with your manager and make matters possibly worse for your job. If he loses his job he loses his flat and has to live with his mum half an hours drive away in the middle of no where. The plans to move in together will be put back until he finds another job. If he gets the sack the job center will punish him for it. I just think he could have handled it differently.

[rainbowslollipops]

Nelly - he does make his own decisions as do I but if we are to plan to live together he needs to be working.

[WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo]

"if we are to plan to live together he needs to be working."

if he isn't mature enough to realise this himself without you pointing it out then he really isn't mature enough to be moving into a house with anyone.

surely he knows he needs to be working? if he is so immature as to antagonise his boss and risk his job then do you really want to be financially tied to him?

[rainbowslollipops]

He's not usually like it though and it did shock me when he said he argued with her. Usually although he's not keen on her he puts that aside and carries on with his work.

[WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo]

so he had an off day? well, he'll know that and know to keep himself in check in future. if this was a one off then i'm not really sure what your point is about bringing him down a peg. this isn't his general/usual behaviour.

[Callisto]

So he isn't keen on his boss but she is a close friend of his?

[rainbowslollipops]

His supervisor is a female who he's close friends with.