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AIBU?

WIBU to discuss DH's vasectomy with the kids?!

32 replies

loopyluna · 30/04/2013 21:15

DH is getting the snip on Friday. Kids are 13, 11, 7. They will want to know why Dad is going to the hospital -(he has to be there at 7am so I will take the youngest with me to drop him off.)

Is it more reasonable to run the risk of freaking them out totally (ie, the thought of us aged parents having sex ), or would it be better to invent some sort of vague check up to cover up?!

If it was just the little one I would tell her Daddy was having an operation so that he wouldn't make any more babies, but given the age of the older ones, I really have no idea whether honesty is the best policy right now!

If left to DH, he would probably say he was going to the dentist!

Whaddya think?

OP posts:

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McNewPants2013 · 30/04/2013 21:18

I would tell them. At 13 and 11 they should have a basic idea about sex and ways to prevent an suprise pregnancy.

ShowOfHands · 30/04/2013 21:20

I remember my Dad having a vasectomy. DD knows DH wants one. It's just a fact of life. I wouldn't worry about embarrassment. You could be at it on the kitchen table when your teenage ds brings his girlfriend home just like my inlaws and THAT would be embarrassing.

ChasingSquirrels · 30/04/2013 21:22

I would tell them. My dad had one, thinking about it I have no idea when - but I have always known.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 30/04/2013 21:23

I wouldn't tell them, but mainly because they don't really need to know, if you see what I mean.

You could make something up end save the embarrassment and he's more likely to get sympathy from them, too!

PandaG · 30/04/2013 21:23

DS asked when quite small why I was so sure we weren't going to have any more children. He already knew about the mechanics of sex so explaining contraception - in particular vasectomy was fine. DC are 13 and 11 now, and they are both aware of DH's vasectomy and it is no big deal.

I'd explain to your 7 yo exactly as you suggest, and if the older ones ask you could say something very similar. I think it is positive for children to realise their parents are in a physical loving relationship.

mrsjay · 30/04/2013 21:24

would you tell them if it was you being sterelised sp? I think you should tell them My dds know I was done if you dont want your 7yr old knowing the ins and outs say dad is away for an operation so he cant make anymore babies

5madthings · 30/04/2013 21:27

I would tell them, i remember my dad having it done and my parents told me and explained why he was uncomfortable and we werent to jump on.him etc.

conorsrockers · 30/04/2013 21:30

We told ours. The reaction was similar to what it would have been if we'd told them he was going to the dentist just drop it into conversation so they have the option to walk away if they don't want to know anymore!

Whojamaflip · 30/04/2013 21:30

DH was "done" about 12 mths ago and we explained to the dcs that dad was having a small operation so that we couldn't make any more babies and that he would be very sore for a few weeks days so no using him as a trampoline

They ranged in age from 10 down to 3

WellJustCallHimDave · 30/04/2013 21:32

I wouldn't think twice about telling them. Why would you not tell? It's not a crime or a dirty secret, it's a fact of life.

thebody · 30/04/2013 21:34

Well it's up to your ds really. His body.

thebody · 30/04/2013 21:34

Soz your dh.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/04/2013 21:36

We have been pretty open with our dc's about DH's vasectomy. At the time we only explained it to DS 1 who was old enough to understand.

StuntGirl · 30/04/2013 23:05

Agree it's up to your husband but there's absolutely no reason for any embarrassment or coyness about it.

anastaisia · 30/04/2013 23:11

I'd think it would probably be quite a positive lesson/discussion about avoiding pregnancy being an equal responsibility and a good chance to remind the older ones about the existence/use of contraception. They're (hopefully) young enough that it won't be aimed directly at them so might not be so embarrassing! But old enough that it could be relevant to them in the not so distant future...

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 30/04/2013 23:17

We actually had The Conversation last week - a friend's dog is going to be neutered so we had to change school run arrangements, which ended up with us explaining that neutering was fixing it so the dog couldn't have puppies ever. No4 son (age 6) said "so did you get Daddy neutered after you had me?" and I said yes
They are 10, 8 and 6, and much giggling ensued because it involved privates and goolies and testicles but they got the gist and none of them seem to have dwelled on it or have mentioned it since. I did say that mummies can have a similar operation but that since I'd done the work of having the babies in my tummy that we decided it was Daddy's turn when it came to preventing any more...

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 30/04/2013 23:25

I would tell them, it is no biggie at all. It is up to your DH though.

Flobbadobs · 30/04/2013 23:49

Told them both (DS is 12, DD1 is 7).
DS had a bit of a cross eyed moment when DH explained what was going to happen but that was about it.
YANBU, don't see the problem.

loopyluna · 01/05/2013 10:44

OK, we'll tell them.
Will blame you lot if they are scarred for life

OP posts:

FrauMoose · 01/05/2013 10:49

We told my stepchildren - daughter very young at the time. We also mentioned that we'd get fish and chips for tea that night, as by the time I got Spouse back there'd be little time or inclination to cook.

Anyway I got Spouse back, who was in some discomfort as the local was beginning to wear off. To be greeted by my stepdaughter cheerily asking not after her Dad's well being but, 'Did you bring the fish and chips?'

pickledginger · 01/05/2013 10:53

I wouldn't tell them. With a 7 year old it would mean by the end of the day she will have shared it with her teacher, her friends, the dinner lady ... Your DH will have her classmates' parents asking him how his bits are when he goes to get the paper!

pickledginger · 01/05/2013 10:55

Sorry, thought you'd said your youngest was DD

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aldiwhore · 01/05/2013 10:56

I would tell them at different levels of understanding.

So I'd keep it VERY simple with the 7 year old and base what I say on what knowledge said 7 year old has. For example, at 7 my son knew daddies planted seeds in mummies, but didn't know the exact mechanics.

I'd be more up front with the 13 year old for sure.

I think honesty is a good thing, but age/knowledge appropriate honesty is the best thing!

PiHigh · 01/05/2013 10:56

We told ours, they're a lot younger than yours though. Like you I had to drive Dh there and back and I didn't want the kids bouncing on him because he was home for the afternoon . Just yesterday DD1 said "You can't have babies anymore can you Daddy? Cos the doctor chopped them out!"

HandMini · 01/05/2013 11:06

If left to DH, he would probably say he was going to the dentist

It's his op and his body so I wouldn't tell your children. I'd ask him to tell them in the way he chooses to. You can let him know that you think its best to tell them the truth but to be honest I think "dads going in for a check up" is fine.

When you want to talk contraception with them you can tell them what your choices are / have been in the past.

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