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Bit of a slagging match at toddlers today Aibu?

(84 Posts)
D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 19:23:52

I actually posted about this group of people a while back when they pushed my ds over. This time it was a different mum, same group. They all come to this (what used to be a lovely toddler group) together. They are all quite young, but very childish young iyswim (I am/ was teen parent) so not judging on age simply behaviour.

My dc had the push along buggy but was at the front of it rearranging doll, child comes along tried to push away from the front, my ds then tried to pull it back and did so, other child starts screaming this awful high pitched scream. I knew ds wasn't in the wrong but asked him to share and let other child take it which he did with minimum fuss. The other child then sat in the corner with it for over ten mins refusing to move with it. He eventually let's go and my ds went and went to take it, other child kicks off and screams and the parents say something to my ds who then stands there face covered which generally means he's been told off.

I walked up to my ds "baby dog, what's the matter?" they instantly jump in with, he snatched it off oc" I know he didn't, pick him up big cuddle "it's ok baby dog some children aren't very good at sharing" to which mother kicks off "don't pick on him he's only 2" so I reply so is my ds and at two they need to be taught to share. The mother comes back with, I was feeding (quite old baby, 10 ish months) a bottle I can't do anything" well actually I've been there done that 4 dc 5 and under and had to breast feed whilst following smacksytoddler around, she could have passed to someone else to give a bottle. She then goes on about my ds hit hers about 7 months ago. Blah blah blah I then ignored and mutated rude words under breath and she then went and cried at toddler group leaver who had spoken to other leader who saw whole thing and said I'd done nothing wrong. They then spent the rest of the hour glaring at me and whispering about me.

I'm even embarrsed typing this it's all so juvenile sounding but I'm not bu am I?!

Doubtfuldaphne Fri 03-May-13 23:44:28

I know how upsetting this is as I had the same at my local toddler group. One boy did a running body slam in to my 11 month old who had just started walking and she was absolutely terrified. He just laughed. The mother did nothing and still ignores me when I see her around.
Cliquey groups, feeling out of place, bully kids.. I absolutely detest toddler groups.
Stop going there - there must me more stuff to do instead elsewhere?

TheRealFellatio Fri 03-May-13 20:09:12

You may NQP grin

IsItMeOr Fri 03-May-13 15:41:19

I don't get why you would make an adult fight over a couple fo 2yos both wanting to play with the same toy.

You are being disingenuous in thinking that it is not passive-aggressive to talk about another child's behaviour in those terms in their parents' hearing without allowing for the possibility that the parent might take offence. Never a wise call when other parent has a 10mo (who may never let them sleep for all you know).

So given your own child-rearing experience, I would expect you to know better. Sorry!

NotQuitePerfect Fri 03-May-13 15:23:43

Can I "like" your comment, Fellatio smile

TheRealFellatio Fri 03-May-13 10:48:17

The parents who perennially ignore their own child snatching/biting/hitting/not sharing/manipulating are ALWAYS the first ones to create merry hell whenever someone else does something to their little darlings.

It is one of the annoying laws of the universe. Always has been, always will be. the trouble is, no-one recognizes themselves as that mother.

CrapBag Fri 03-May-13 10:37:38

Definitely sounds like he screams to get his own way because it works.

Asking to take the pram home for a week because he screamed about having it put away! shock Says it all really.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 01-May-13 10:28:35

Some toddler groups are great, some are full of cliques and not worth going back to. I went to a few regularly, wrote off a few immediately (sometimes you just get that vibe, no one speaks to you, not even the person running it, etc) and a few I went to just long enough to make friends I could meet with elsewhere. grin It was a bit of a leap for me to do it, but I'm glad we went as we did meet a lot of people. DS will be going to school in Sept, and we've been at the playground near the school and we both remember several mums and children from the groups.

Anyway, I find passive-aggressive mums at groups especially tedious. I had some borderline shouty passive-aggressive mum at a SureStart group I went to with DS. At some point, DS hit her child (he was in that phase, which most children go through) and yes I was correcting him, but that didn't stop her from shrieking to her friends how omg that child HIT my CHILD etc, as if it were premeditated assault by an adult. Mind, she didn't actually get up, she just shouted about it from across the room where she was sitting with her friends. He didn't do it again but by god she wouldn't shut up about it. I never went back to that group. smile

I'd have just said "lets play with these toys over here" and left it at that. I think the "some children aren't very good at sharing" line is just bound to irritate. That's something you say when you're alone with your child, but if the mum is there then it's you judging and commenting on that mum, whether or not you want to think it is.

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 10:16:50

I wouldn't normally have done Ryan, but god the noise was making my ears bleed!

ryanboy Wed 01-May-13 10:15:32

families doh!!

ryanboy Wed 01-May-13 10:15:16

I really wouldn't have taken the toy that your DS was playing with away from him.Giving up something the instant another child wants it isn't really what sharing is about, and you and he are both going to get frustrated when other family's don't reciprocate.

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 10:10:24

I'm also well aware two year old hit and scream and its norma im actually qualified kn child developmentl. What isn't normal is to not model good behaviour back.

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 10:07:42

grin at little yoni.

2) When you have another child to look after, you are going to take your eye off the other child(ren) and will sometimes miss something

I'm well aware of that, I also take two dc to toddlers and used to take 3. Of course you sometimes miss something. That's totally understandable and forgiveable. What isn't is sitting with a mobile baby held on your lap the entire session, and using that as an excuse not to move or discipline, it's no wonder the child screams. At one point he kept doing these blood curdling screams. She stood from other side of room and bellowed for him to come to her because they were going home and over whilst the child kept screaming. When eventually he did she sat texting on her phone and ignoring him. She's a dick.

anklebitersmum Wed 01-May-13 10:05:15

I always found it amazing that these Mothers are never looking when their child is screaming and snatching and upsetting someone else but always manage to drag their eyes to them when there's even the slightest chance of an issue being deemed another child's fault. hmm

ryanboy Wed 01-May-13 09:44:49

YABU Don't get so involved with the rights and wrongs of a dispute between 2 toddlers!!
1)These are 2 year olds. They don't share, they hit , they scream.That is not bad parenting that is being a 2 yr old!!
2) When you have another child to look after, you are going to take your eye off the other child(ren) and will sometimes miss something
3)You should not have taken the buggy away from your DS and given it to the other child, and similarly you should not have let your DS take the buggy from the other child ,the second they let go of it.
4)Main one.You should not have talked to the other mum through your child.That was downright rude.Why didn't you just say with a smile 'OK but baby dog' has been waiting for it for 10 minutes , coulkd you let him have it when OC has finished, and then tajkke your DC to play with something else

choccyp1g Wed 01-May-13 09:37:43

Could be worse, you might have called him "littleYoni" grin

choccyp1g Wed 01-May-13 09:36:49

FrenchJunebugWed 01-May-13 09:14:20 you call your kid "baby dog"?!

It's a mumsnet thing, like yours would be referred to as "Babybug" mine would be "Choccypiglet". not to their faces though.

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 09:32:17

No French of course not I call him by his name but not on here.

anklebitersmum Wed 01-May-13 09:25:58

Toddler group <SHUDDER>

YA a little BU for being at a toddler group and not expecting the Spoilt Brat Brigade to play you up at some point. Says it all that Mummy went crying to the teacher.

I've seen this type in action, all puff and snide comments until someone says something and then they crumble in to a snivelling, sobbing, gasping wreck for an audience-usually whilst sneakily casting smug looks over the 'authority figure's' shoulder.

As someone said earlier these types are often found on the school playground where they continue to reign supreme-usually from the safety of the PTA.

YANBU. So ignore, ignore, ignore.

Failing that organise a bake sale & 'accidently' throw a pointy flapjack at her grin

FrenchJunebug Wed 01-May-13 09:14:20

you call your kid "baby dog"?!

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 09:10:38


valiumredhead Wed 01-May-13 09:08:59

Not on this occasion wink

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 09:02:20

Ah ok smile. No need to take it outside then?! grin

valiumredhead Wed 01-May-13 08:54:37

No I wasn't.

D0GWithAYoni Wed 01-May-13 08:53:56

I thought you were staying I needed to learn social skills Valium.

Kirjava, there are some lovely groups, I despite this dick love my toddler group, the mums who run it are just lovely lovely people. There are also lots of nice normal mums who go too.

MrsBucketxx Wed 01-May-13 08:48:57

I go to two a week and its more for dd than me,

there is one mum I can't stand but I avoid her, I only have to see her and I get all stabby.

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