to not understand how a 'father' can walk away from his children.(52 Posts)
Yes, I have posted a few threads about my quest for 'sanity' and my father's abandonment is something I have gone over with a counsellor but I still don't get it.
How can a father bring up a child until they are 6 years old, love them, play with them, put them to bed etc, then just walk away having no contact with them for over 30 years and expect the adult DC to run to them with open arms and 'forget about the past' taking no responsibility and completely refusing to discuss it. Especially after said DC was left with a monster of a mother and suffered years of physical and emotional abuse at her hands and that of their 'new daddy'. I used to dream of my 'real' father rescuing me but he never came. I have always felt that there was something inherently wrong with ME as he left me and my mother hated me!
He has now washed his hands of me after ONE meeting, some phone calls and some emails as I can't seem to get over the past and he 'does'nt want to go there'. He does'nt seem to get that I need to understand the past before I can get over it! He brought up another woman's DCs while having no physical or financial contact with me at all. I asked him what he remembered of me as a DC (what time I was born/what I weighed/what I liked/what kind of a DC I was etc as my mother has never told me) and he refused to answer and cut contact. He told me I need professional help with my 'issues' which I am well aware of and have had, total irony or what.
AIBU in feeling entitled to feel anger and disgust at him and not just slip into loving long lost daughter mode and pretend everything is alright now? I know anger is not healthy but it is surely completely normal to feel it in this situation.
winterwinds it's not about forgetting, I will never forget my abusive and neglected past. It's about accepting who you are and not making someone else responsible for your feelings and behaviour.
winterwinds been there , done that , moved on
I understand that its all about acceptance and am sorry that you both have been through the same. Clearly you have both managed to deal with it in a way that has enabled you to move on
The Op came here as clearly she cannot move on until she has answers.
Yes it is likely she will have to accept that those answers will never come and but right now she is struggling to cope with that.
Likeit it just sounded like you were being unnecessarily harsh as not everyone deals with things in the same way and you have to make allowances for that. So I do apologise for biting back without knowing that you had been through it also.
OP I do hope you eventually find peace in one way or another.
thanks winterwinds i did sound harsh reading back and didnt make allowances , hopefully it will work out for her .
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