In the week it was my daughter?s 16th birthday. She has a number of problems at present and I am in the process are getting her some help for anxiety, depression, an eating disorder etc. It?s important for her to be loved, accepted ? she had a violent and deep-rooted reaction to her dad suddenly leaving us in 2011.
But her father did not call or send a card for her birthday. I stayed calm, while swearing inside. Nothing. Then I see his face all over the paper, grinning at the Duchess of Cambridge at some fancy pants do at Leavesden Studios (he?s in the film industry). I am particularly poorly too at the moment ? stress has caused some more health issues with my lymphoma, including lumps in my breast which now need to be investigated. If I am honest, I am scared. My daughter really needs me. Also I need to be healthy, firm with her when she oversteps the mark, sensitive when she has meltdowns etc.
Today I sat on a train, looking at a lovely young couple holding hands and I felt so very very sad. I think I am tired but I also had such murderous thoughts, which I really tried to kill ? if you excuse the pun. Why should he have his glamorous life and just dump us like dogs at the roadside?
Excuse the self-pity. Mumsnet is good for the ranting. But what I really want to do is make up posters with his face on it and put them everywhere. I won?t ? of course.
Finally a crumpled card came yesterday. My daughter made a half-hearted attempt at opening it but didn?t read it. ?It?s not my birthday now.? She looked more like six years old at that moment, not 16.
If I could add water to something good, kind and funny ? to make an instant father for her ? I would. Also just for someone to hold my hand on a train, look at me as if I mattered.
Is it unreasonable to want that?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
….to feel mixed up, angry and yes, deeply unreasonable.
19 replies
Punkatheart · 28/04/2013 22:59
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.