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To feel guilty about my childcare arrangements?

(22 Posts)
Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 28-Apr-13 16:24:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quoteunquote Sun 28-Apr-13 16:30:26

Stop giving a shit about what anyone else thinks, they don't give a monkey's balls what you think.

ask yourself is what toxic SiL said, Kind, helpful or necessary? if not, (it wasn't) ignore.

BobStrangeNameforaGirl Sun 28-Apr-13 16:32:23

YANBU and definitely not a crap mother. Ask SIL to fuck off if she meant to be so rude!

You know DD1 better than anyone in the world. Some people just can't help but give their opinion without full consideration of the facts.

Honestly, we all do what's best for our family. Ignore SIL and carry on. It seems to me both of your DDs are lucky to have so many people who love them.

amazingmumof6 Sun 28-Apr-13 16:36:38

don't feel guilty, I'm doing similar to a lesser extent and I'm a SAHM!!!!!!!!

my kids love the variety and stimulation of going places and meeting people.

you are not a crap mum - is MIL willing to pay whatever you earn so you can stay home? no?

DD1 was unhappy because she wasn't feeling well and her routine changed a bit - so what? she'll get better and she'll get used to the changes.

MIL is being vile - and I'm guessing she's short of a degree in child psychology!

when I feel guilty I ask the kids if they are happy. (they say yes) then I ask: do you think mummy loves you? the answer: " no, I don't think, I know that you love me!"

that's all that matters, cheer up! thanks

HerrenaHarridan Sun 28-Apr-13 16:37:11

She is a sanctimonious git. Presumably because she is the perfect mother of perfect children?

To your dd the child are routine you have is normality! Chances are she had stopped crying before you reached the end of the street.

And yes clingy phases are the norm, especially around illnesses.

MissFredi Sun 28-Apr-13 16:59:43

YANBU at all. She's being ridiculous. 3 different places is a good thing in theory because your DD will get to meet more new faces and it will encourage her to be sociable, I imagine her DCs aren't going to get that much stimulation and making friends practice?

And personally seeing grandparents once a week is only ever a good thing IME smile

pleasestoptalking Sun 28-Apr-13 17:01:49

What do YOU think? You know your children better than anyone else.

catgirl1976 Sun 28-Apr-13 17:25:24

Ignore you SIL!

Are your children happy? I am pretty sure you would be the first to know if they weren't and the first to change things. A clingy stage is normal. As her mother you will know if there is anything wrong or just a normal childhood stage.

Please don't listen to other people

If it makes you feel better I will tell you my selfish arrangements..

DS has been in nursery 2 days per week since 5 months old.

He has one day a week with my DM.

The other 2 days he is at home with DH.

So he does 3 different places if you count home with DH.

On one of the 2 days he is in nursery, both DH and I are at home, not working and could have him. But I need down time (found out recently how much) so I am taking it.

I am sure I could find someone to tell me this is selfish and damaging to DS. But I DON'T CARE what other people think. I only care about DS and he is happy, confident, advanced, secure and thriving.

Ignore your toxic SIL. Concentrate on you and your DDs thanks

amazingmumof6 Sun 28-Apr-13 17:45:00

catgirl good on you! me too!
Mil looks after 2 younger ones while older 4 are at school on most Wednesdays so I get a few noise free hours!
it's my time to have some headspace - even if I'm doing housework!

I need time own my own. selfish or not. I call it self-preservation!

you know the emergency instruction on the planes? they always say that in case of an emergency put YOUR oxygen mask on first, and THEN help your child or anyone else in need!

why? because if you are trying to save your kid while you are struggling for breath you will put both of you in danger!

best analogy I know for parenting

And sorry OP I typed MIL instead of SIL - she must be very insecure if she's trying to rattle your confidence to make herself feel better.
what a cow, ignore her

catgirl1976 Sun 28-Apr-13 18:20:45

Brilliant analogy amazing smile

You are so right.

I have only recently made this arrangement as it all ended up being too much for me (was working ft and trying to juggle too much)

Now the free day gives me chance to breathe and I am much more effective as a parent when I am with DS as I can really enjoy him instead of being too stressed and knackered

Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 28-Apr-13 18:22:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CabbageLeaves Sun 28-Apr-13 18:25:50

My 3 DC have always had a mix of childcare. I personally would choose that!! It's not a mix of nurseries - it's relatives. Mine went to childcare two days, grandparents 2 days and me/partner for one day. It personally think the variety is fantastic for them and offers them lots of different childcare approaches. Intimate, one to one, group, relaxing, socialising and games filled. Both providers offer all approaches in different ways and I think my DC are well rounded for it. Your SiL is just exploiting your parental guilt to have a little pop. Tell her to pop off

catgirl1976 Sun 28-Apr-13 18:26:38

It will be a phase.

It's lovely she has a circle of many people who love her and care for her!

I bet it is doing wonders for her confidence and social skills (they will no doubt be better than your SILs already), and I bet the clinginess vanishes as soon as she is there and you have left.

Nanny0gg Sun 28-Apr-13 18:28:08

So, three days a week she is in professional childcare, mixing with other children and doing all sorts of carefully planned activities, and two days she's with people who love her and no doubt devote their day to her?

Shocking! grin

How is she when she comes home? That's more of an indication than when she's dropped off I think.

Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 28-Apr-13 18:34:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CruCru Sun 28-Apr-13 18:35:46

The arrangements you describe sound pretty standard among people I know. A well run nursery is a very good thing. I really wouldn't let the comments get you down.

Nanny0gg Sun 28-Apr-13 18:46:36

She sounds absolutely fine!

Ignore stupid SiL!

ShellyBoobs Sun 28-Apr-13 19:06:33

It's lovely she has a circle of many people who love her and care for her!

I was going to say the same!

It's a good thing, not a bad thing, that she sees and spends time with various people.

If she's being well cared for (which you obviously know she is) then there's nothing shit about your arrangements.

greenformica Sun 28-Apr-13 19:12:42

I think you have to ignore your SIL totally and try and think independantly about if you and your DC are happy with the arrangement. It's really non of your SIL's business.

emalushka Sun 28-Apr-13 19:15:50


My first child had a very similar arrangement to this and she really did benefit from it. It's lovely to have a mix of nursery/home environment and my daughter developed close relationships with both sets of grandparents and made lots of friends at nursery. It was for her, the ideal balance and it also saved us from paying for 2 days of child care when she wasn't at nursery. She's now at school and talks about her pre school days with fondness. If, like me, you work full time, I can't think of a better option!

missmapp Sun 28-Apr-13 19:19:44

So your dd hasnt been well and is now more teary... show me a 3 yr old ( or 33 yr old) who isnt more teary when they are unwell.

I work fulltime and my two have been in nursery for part of the week since they were 6 mths old. I have always copmpletely trusted our childcare arrangements ( they are now at school and with a cm) , but used to let others make me feel guilty.

Then I reaisied, our family is different to every other family and we do things that are right for us!! This will be different to others, but it is not wrong!!

Now I dont let others decide how I feel and enjoy seeing the dcs happy.

it has only taken me 40 years to reach this state- but better late than never!!!

wigglesrock Sun 28-Apr-13 21:17:16

God, I've always done this, one day at childcare, one day at my Mums, 2 days at my pils and my husband worked a weekend day and took a weekday off to have the kids. Both dd1 and dd2 were brought up like this from 6 months.

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