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FIL lost it with the kids.. Perspective needed

(221 Posts)
mousemole Sun 28-Apr-13 08:17:42

My head's in a muddle with this one and I'm bloomin angry.
Yesterday we were at the in laws for a family get together. Nice day but FIL gets stressed by our boys aged 7,5 and 2 going within 5 metres a glass/ tea cup/ ornament. He's quite a shouty man and has very limited patience. Anyway, we were about to leave when the two youngest started bickering over a toy. I got up to go and pack our stuff up, left husband sat with the boys, FIL and other family members. I came back into the room 2 minutes later to find FIL dragging the youngest 2 boys by their wrists across the room. They were hysterical and clearly in pain. Apparently he had flipped at their bickering and told them to get out the room. He is a big, strong 6ft 4 man, they are 2 and 4. I shouted 'what the hell is going on ?' at FIL and DH ( who did nothing but that's another story), grabbed the boys and went to the car with them where it took 5 mins to calm them down from their hysteria.
I agree it's their house and their rules but I am livid that he manhandled the kids. AIBU ?

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 30-Apr-13 20:40:28

As I said goady

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 30-Apr-13 20:38:10

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outtolunchagain Tue 30-Apr-13 20:28:23

The thing is we have been asked to comment on the version presented by the OP .There is no other version available other than random speculation so we take the version presented and comment on the appropriateness or otherwise .

FWIW I would never expect an adult to lose his temper in public like this it shows a lack of control. Of course people get irritated and he may have not been unreasonable in being irritated , but if he did act as described ( at currently that is the situation the OP is asking for our opinion on) then his reaction was out of proportion , and also very ill mannered.I expect adults to exercise control at all times except in very exceptional circumstances

MissLurkalot Tue 30-Apr-13 20:19:24

Are you new to Mumsnet?

likeitorlumpit Tue 30-Apr-13 20:13:13

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persimmon Tue 30-Apr-13 19:57:08

My FIL can be a little like this. For a while my SIL's kids refused to go to his house. We stay there a couple of times a year and I'm on tenterhooks that he will explode at DS. If he did I would be livid. My DH is also scared of his dad but i do think he'd stick up for DS. It's a horrible feeling though, completely spoils the visits for me.

MissLurkalot Tue 30-Apr-13 19:53:29


I hear what you say that DH sat back did nothing and GF got pissed off and dealt with the kids. I get it. (Don't agree with it like you though.)

Your level of acceptable force is lower than some other Mumsnetters.
We all have different tolerance levels and all discipline our own children differently ... I get it.

But you're not coming across well on here. It's like you think the kids 'had it coming.'

I know it's not nice when your opinion is in the minority and you feel pushed into the corner... But, you are coming across a bit weird now, sorry.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 30-Apr-13 19:46:13

Its not really just disagreeing with the majority.

You are jumping on posters who are highlighting info in the op ( customary practice on a forum) and obviously accusing the op of being a liar and posters who believe her gullible ( troll hunting and goady)

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 30-Apr-13 19:44:25

"arse lickers"

likeitorlumpit Tue 30-Apr-13 19:38:24

really ? ok thanks for letting me know that if someone dares not agree with the majority of arse lickers on here they are odd , ill stick with being odd then thanks smile

WhiteBirdBlueSky Tue 30-Apr-13 19:32:44

likeitorlumpit you're coming across as a bit odd.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Apr-13 19:18:09


<backs away slowly>

likeitorlumpit Tue 30-Apr-13 19:15:02

it was an example of fil version,showing people there are two sides , why believe one , you were not there , you have evidence because a stranger posts her version on here lmfao ,oh please , she asked aibu yes she is you can see the dramatics in the post,but you carry on believing the op with your evidence smile mr gullible

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Apr-13 19:09:37

P.S are you really laughing out loud? It wasn't that funny

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Apr-13 19:09:02


but you seem to be making up your own version. I at least have some evidence to go on. OP sounds reasonably sensible to me.

Basically saying she is lying

likeitorlumpit Tue 30-Apr-13 19:06:52

where you there then jamie ? i never knew that , please tell us what happened smile lol everyone tells a story in there own version , fil version, brats were left to run riot , parents to scared to tell them off , what is the world coming to when a grand parent cannot tell them off , bet they really look up to dad without a spine for not sticking up for them if it was all so innocent smile

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 30-Apr-13 19:02:20

Not to mention, the adult man already has an adult woman who is afraid of him (his wife) and an adult man who is intimidated by him (his son).

He doesn't need small children in his home. He clearly can't handle it. Easily solved.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Apr-13 18:59:38


the two sides are:

2 and 4 year old vs adult man, who has the intelligence and self control to work out how to manage a situation with a 2 and 4 year old without resorting to force.

Not much contest there, I'd say

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Apr-13 18:57:53

Ah yes, sock

I didn't reply earlier. Sorry smile

likeitorlumpit Tue 30-Apr-13 18:21:16

be interesting to hear fil side smile the op version is a bit dramatic,bickering ?or shouting and throwing the toy around , not allowed within 5 metres of a cup ? or a foot,two sides to every story.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 30-Apr-13 18:14:21

As I said earlier often the types of people who routinely use force or threat to modify behaviour tend to believe that parents who do things differently are doing nothing. Just because they are not doing what they themselves would.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Apr-13 18:06:59

Agree with your post MissLurkalot

WhiteBirdBlueSky Tue 30-Apr-13 17:49:32

It's like some people are ignoring what the OP has posted. The OP has clearly stated why her DH didn't step in and has described the level of naughtiness and force involved. Unless she is delusional then she is NBU.

greenformica Tue 30-Apr-13 17:37:33

Are you sure they were being dragged and not led? If it was forceful, it is out of order but your DH should have really taken charge. Why didn't he? Did DH just let them continue bickering whilst he sat there? Are your children badly behaved normally? Do you let them get away with it?

likeitorlumpit Tue 30-Apr-13 16:57:35

dondraper you are as dramatic as the op , kids were brats got told off for once , had a squinn , its not gonna ruin their life , im sure they wil get over the trauma of grandad telling them off .if the dad had the backbone to tell them off then he wouldnt of had to step in.

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