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To be a size 22 and happy with my body

(237 Posts)
Lucyellensmum95 Sat 27-Apr-13 21:58:51

I am a size 22 up top - blessed in the nork department and a size 18 on the bottom.

Sometimes i get irritated because i can't find clothes in my size that i like but when i look at my body in the mirror - i like it.

As i say, my top heaviness is due to an ample bosum, which is, for my age pretty firm still.

I have been slimmer, in fact i was a size 10 when i met DP - but that was 20 years ago. Then after i had DD 7 years ago, due to illness i was a size 12 again - miserable, i hated it, my breasts shrunk and i didn't feel like me.

I do have self esteem issues but not surrounding my body.

When i tell people i am happy being the size i am they make hmm faces at me - i find this insulting.

I am pretty fit, i walk for miles and cycle distances that make the hmm face pullers making shock faces and declaring that they can't do that. I am extremely flexible and can touch the floor next to my toes wth the flats of my hands without bending my knees

I would be happy to be a size 18 on top and a size 16/14 down below but no slimmer, thanks. I would probably prefer that size but for no reasons other than health reasons - i eat a healthy diet but probably drink a little too much wine I also have flabby thighs which need sorting out, but othe than that, when i look in the mirror, i like what i see.

I'm 5'2"

I am a very sexual person and i FEEL sexy and my DP certainly thinks i'm sexy.

As i say, i have self esteem issues but they are no way associated with my body imagine. I don't like my face so much.

AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body.

likeitorlumpit Sat 27-Apr-13 23:35:39

no one is perfect. overweight people get the looks because you can see what its doing to them from the cant see the lungs or liver.was surprised genetics only got a couple of mentions to be honest.

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:39:35

North I have a bmi of 21, resting heart beat is 59. I exercise, running,spinning & to the gym 3-4 times per week Don't smoke & only drink a small amount.l enjoy my food but eat well ( most of the time)
Awful things can happen to anyone no matter how fit & healthy they are but I'm certainly not going to sit back & wait for it to happen.

plinkyplonks Sat 27-Apr-13 23:43:30

I think I would choose being healthy and alive for my DD rather than being happy but unhealthy.

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:49:24

What plinky said.
I always think this when I see overweight parents sad

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:51:37

Oh well now that you have added a sad face to fully indicate how bad you feel for the children of fat parents I cannot possibly imagine what anyone can say in response.

NorthernLurker Sat 27-Apr-13 23:53:47

<<roll eyes>>

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:56:05

Oh I can, I've heard it all before on here. Carry on as you are if that's how you are truly happy.
Why is it so bad to feel for children whose parents don't care for themselves?

DinosaursLoveUnderpants Sat 27-Apr-13 23:58:16

No need to roll your eyes Northern if that is directed at me . You were hoping to call out some posters about not really being very healthy themselves, but actually some of us try very hard to be as healthy as we can, knowing that you can't take your health and your body for granted.

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 23:59:14

What utter bollocks.

It's possible to be overweight and care about your health and family. The two are not mutually exclusive.

HeySoulSister Sun 28-Apr-13 00:02:04

LEM your kidding yourself.... Question is, why?

HullMum Sun 28-Apr-13 00:04:14

so really you're an 18 but have just got a lot going on in the boob Dept? that's not really that big it at all is it? Yanbu to feel good about your self and give the hmm look right back at the silly fuckers who comment

NorthernLurker Sun 28-Apr-13 00:08:12

<<sigh>. Dinosaurs I'm not 'calling anyone out' (Is it High Noon all of a sudden?) I'm rolling my eyes because poor BuggedbyJake feels so sorry for my soon to be orphaned offspring. I was pointing out to the wailing multitudes that there is more to health than weight and whilst you (and I) are teetotal, far too many posters are blind to the amount they are drinking.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 00:11:17

VelvetSpoon - I can't see anyone suggesting its a matter of caring or uncaring?!

Both my parents are overweight as are my partners parents. My DH parents have both had heart scares, his father is type 2 diabetic. Both children are obese and struggled with food issues as a result of their parents attitude to food. My mother has type 2 diabetes and my father had a quadruple bypass and had a heart attack. Now there may people who are very fortunate who are overweight or obese and live a long and happy life. Equally there may be people who are healthy and get seriously ill. But the evidence suggests being overweight and obese makes you much more likely to get diabetes and other health conditions.

If you have children, I think parents should consider the impact of their actions (both directly and indirectly) on their children - not just now but in the long term. I have been overweight and fought hard to get my weight under control and eat healthily. I consider it a responsibility not just for myself but for the burden it could put on my family should I get ill. Of course having bigger x or y was a nice benefit of being overweight, and eating what I like was fantastic. But when you see people you love hooked up to a life support machine, given 5% chance of surival - putting themselves and their children through that pain= I just don't understand why people would be happy taking the risk. Everyone's different, and the OP seems happy with being obese and that's fine. But let's not pretend here that there could be consequences that she or her family may have deal with as a result of her decision.

Rockinhippy Sun 28-Apr-13 00:19:20

YANBU, you sound very healthy & happy in your own skin to me & those disbelieving are doing so because they are projecting their own body image/health worries onto you, so ignore it.

I've worked with plus size models over the years, they where healthy firm, confident bigger woman, that's all, not fat, wobbly & unhealthy as we have pushed down our throat all the time, for some people its just the way they are built, yes they could eat less & ex resize more & probably lose a bit if they chose to, but if they are already healthier than many skinnies & happy in there own skin, why the hell should they have to just to please others

Enjoy your curves & healthy live style & ignore them wink

Callofthefishwife Sun 28-Apr-13 00:23:38

I have been a size 24. Now a 16 battling to get back down to the size 10 i was 2 years ago and I would say that I can actually see where you are coming from.

I hate dieting. My whole life is a battle of guilt and constant planning the next meal, thinking of what will I be able to eat if we go to X for the day etc etc. There was something so simple about my life when I was a size 24 (and oblivious to some extent to my actual size). I was happy and content. Life was so straightforward then.

However, I did reach a point when being that size was not for me, hence my constant battle with my weight now. When I lost my weight (the bulk in a 13 month period) I was initially disgusted and shocked at my new body. Slim and sleek it was not. Saggy aand empty is how I would describe it. Still to this day 4 years on I reckon my skin aged instantly upon the weightloss. I know exactly what you mean. For a long while I hated my new slim body and preferred my curves and pertness I had before. I have now grown to accept that if I am slimmer I will look a saggy mess in the nude but its taken a while.

Sod what anyone else thinks. Be what you want to be for you. You know genuinely deep inside how you feel so stick with that.

People will always judge. Some people cant help but sneer and comment. I have had it when I was bigger and when I have been at my slimmest. It can hurt and annoy but life is too short to worry what others think.

If you are happy with yourself then you have something that loads and loads of people dont. You are a lucky woman - so sod the rude gits that see fit to judge you and doubt you.

wtf1981 Sun 28-Apr-13 00:28:17

How did you do it, callthefishwife? Impressive amount lost, wow!

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 00:33:02

Plinky your experience is obviously coloured by having overweight parents/inlaws, who have also suffered health problems - which health problems of course they might have suffered even if they were thinner.

Having lost 2 non-overweight parents in my early 20s, I honestly don't live my life thinking what might happen. If I did, I wouldn't get up in the morning. Not everyone is able to get to a low weight (I could be a size 12 and my BMI will still be outside the 'normal' range), or to maintain it. I'm not as healthy as some people, but probably more healthy than others. But I am happy with how I look, I don't look in the mirror and hate myself and I never will, whatever size I am. What makes me sad is that people do waste time and energy feeling unhappy about their size, or being made to feel unhappy about it by others.

GreenPeppercorn Sun 28-Apr-13 00:40:37

I don't think I have ever heard such utter bullshit on here in the entire time I have been a member.

It is possible to post here and speak of how you smoke 1400 a day, or how you are unable to stop drinking gin, or how you are incapable of standing up and preventing your partner from abusing your children and the support can be heart breakingly immense; yet, be fat, and from out of the woodwork crawl those who sit and say that all us fat bitches are condemning our children to lives as orphans or lives as children who will be forced to wash themselves with rags on a stick. I haven't actually got the words.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 00:46:43


likeit, I think that is a very narrow minded attitude. As an ex-smoker I can wholeheartedly say that I loved smoking. It was probably my only 'bad' habit, and I enjoyed every single cigarette I had every day. I looked forward to the cigarette I'd have with my coffee in the morning, I looked forward to the cigarette I'd have with a glass of wine on Friday night. But, like everyone else, I knew and understood the health risks of smoking, and knew that I should give up for the sake of my longterm health. So I did give up. But that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it. Just that my cost/benefit analysis indicated that I didn't love it enough to outweigh the long term benefits of giving up

I think that what we tend to forget is that our attitudes towards our bodies, our habits and our health aren't simple I love myself/I hate myself binaries. It's not the case that smokers or overweight people all go around secretly hating themselves every minute of every day and denying it because they "can't be arsed" doing something about it. It's just the implications of being arsed are part of the cost benefit analysis we all do from time to time, and some people find that they would prefer to stay just as they are. Some people decide to change. One course of action might (and it obviously depends on the individual) be healthier in the long term than the other, but the decision really doesn't have to be propelled by self-hatred.

Fat people are not all the same! Some do hate their bodies, and have a difficult relationship with food and would love to be a different size. Some are perfectly happy and don't give a toss. Others are somewhere in between. Just because people share a dress-size doesn't mean they share the same attitude.

Jan49 Sun 28-Apr-13 00:48:56

I can believe that you are happy with yourself the way you are, or at least reasonably happy, given that you've actually contradicted yourself by saying you'd prefer to be slimmer for health reasons. You're happy with yourself the way you are but you're also accepting a health risk, just like someone who is happy with themselves but also has an existing risky medical condition. It also sounds like you're trying to blame your bust size for your overall size. I'm not sure how you can walk or cycle for miles, eat a healthy diet and still be that size. I think you must be kidding yourself a bit about your eating habits and possibly also the exercise.

I'm very tall and used to be a size 10 but am a lot bigger now. I felt skinny and uncomfortable at size 10 and although people often complimented me on being slim, I think I heard "Aren't you slim?" as "Yuck!" and it was only years later I realised it was a compliment. So I actually feel more comfortable with not being at my slimmest.

GreenPeppercorn Sun 28-Apr-13 00:49:23

I think Unami has perhaps just said everything I wanted to say but didn't have the smarts to articulate.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 00:54:14

GreenPeppercorn - no-one's condemning anyone to anything. Actions do however have consequences and we shouldn't pretend that those potential consequences don't exist. Obviously there are people who are posting here that are overweight and happy and there is nothing wrong with that. They have taken the adult decision to be the weight they are and that's fine. The OP has posted on here asking people for their opinion (otherwise, why post?) and some you are going to agree with and some you are not. Calling other people's opinions "bullshit" however, is not respectful or necessary - people aren't "crawling out of the woodwork" they are providing their opinions! I don't see anyone here saying the OP is a horrible, nasty person who is going to orphan her children. But I am not going to argue that there aren't health risks (backed up by medical professionals) to being overweight.

When I have had to visit my family in hospital - the vast majority of people in for heart bypasses and diabeties related illnesses were overweight. My family have been told their conditions were caused as a result of being overweight and their diet. They did not have a family genetic / or other history that can explain the illnesses they have. It's something I feel very passionate about because I have seen one of my family members hooked up to a life support machine as a direct result of their poor choices. I have seen my family members struggling with their weight due to their parents poor attitude towards food. I'm sorry if this offends people who genuinely struggle with their weight and would do anything to change their position in life.

Some people are happy in life being overweight and obese and there is nothing wrong with that. I respect the OP and those who have a different opinion to me despite me disagreeing with their opinions and actions in the strongest terms. But coming on here calling over people's opinions bullshit is deeply offensive and unnecessary.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 01:04:33

unamias i said its what i think.its my opinion. you dont have to say its narrow minded just because it doesnt match yours. that is being narrow minded. so you really enjoyed them even though like everyone else you knew the health risks every time you had one. really okay good for you i believe you smile

hopkinette Sun 28-Apr-13 01:09:24

I think it's interesting how people are posting about overweight people as if it would be physically impossible for them ever to be overweight themselves. I'm not overweight but I can easily imagine it happening. Just because I'm thin now doesn't necessarily mean I'll be thin forever.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 01:16:24

I'm sorry if I offended you likeit. Perhaps narrow minded is too loaded a term. If you find it difficult to imagine that other people might genuinely enjoy doing things you wouldn't enjoy or being a way you wouldn't like to be, then shall we say - unimaginative?

I think that I explained my attitude to smoking, including my enjoyment of it and my decision to quit pretty clearly. If your only response is to be supercilious then I guess there was no point.

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