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To feel I haven't got the time or energy for much else?

(11 Posts)
Molehillmountain Sat 27-Apr-13 19:04:16

I have three dc, aged seven, four and twenty one months. I'm a sahm at the moment, and dd2 is not a good sleeper. I run three times a week (although that feels strange to say as I've only been doing it for two weeks!). When I get to the end of a day I feel like sitting and staring at a blank wall, but I want to feel more enthusiasm for making things, planning lovely activities for the children and baking. I'd also really like to want to go out more. In theory I'm on the Pre school committee and I'd love to help at brownies. Other people seem to juggle more and fit more in. Is it okay to give myself permission not to and to do more when my children are a bit older and I get more sleep?

looseleaf Sat 27-Apr-13 19:16:09

Of course! Surely only you know what's right for you! Definitely don't compare. I feel like you too and on broken sleep; in my case it feels like our friends entertain a lot and we never do much in return. But I've decided this ok and usually their children are actually a bit older and they have more space generally but even so I should do what I can cope with and normally the first to share lunches etc

Manyofhorror3 Sat 27-Apr-13 19:16:22

No you lazy cah, try harder!!! grin

Of course it bloody well is alright to cut yourself a LOT of slack! Here, have some virtual comfy pj's and a donut and a big glass of wine. x

Molehillmountain Sat 27-Apr-13 19:21:25

I think I just need to feel its okay-the slack has most definitely been cut. I have not made a single life size cardboard medieval castle this week, nor have I actually got to the bottom of the laundry pile! I remember reading with horror pre children the advice in some magazine to "have done down time, even if its only a bath for twenty minutes" and feeling shocked that I might have that little me time!

Manyofhorror3 Sat 27-Apr-13 19:27:27

What might make it NOT ok? Who's standard are you trying to live up to? (Questions I ask myself!)

I was approached by the PTA recently and I can't tell you how liberating it was to say "sorry, perhaps in a few years but for now I'll see you at the summer fete." grin

Robbabank Sat 27-Apr-13 19:29:03

No YANBU and yes, give yourself permission. I feel EXACTLY the same as you, and I'm not even running 3 times a week. I am about a year behind you in terms of DC ages and post baby fatigue and overwhelmedness (new word?) and I'm trying to just do what I can and not beat myself up about how much anyone else accomplishes. If I can keep everyone fed and relatively happy and stimulated then I am doing a good job. And you, You are doing a great job too!

I get stressed out that I seem to be always tidying up bits of crap and strewn clothes and shoes etc and forever dumping stuff out of bags between one activity and another. But I have to remind myself, my kids go swimming and riding and have play dates etc, they're fine really. The more rested I am the more energy I have for them, and maybe the odd gym session.

Lighten up on yourself and if you want to do more then set yourself targets. One baking session a week let's say, and or one artsy craftsy activity with the kids and that would be pretty good going I think. Enjoy them and give yourself some rest and time off in the evenings.. Plenty of time for community duties when they're a bit older and more independent and you have more sleep in the bank.

Anyway, I bet you'll see, lots of us feel like this.

Molehillmountain Sat 27-Apr-13 20:42:49

Oh lord-I have to avoid the gaze of the PTA ladies, manyofhorror and the tidying is the Forth Bridge painting equivalent in my life, Robba. I get dd2 down for a nap then I tidy up, meaning to do something meaningful afterwards. But then it takes ages and I just want a cuppa and to sit in a tidy (ish) space with no one calling my name for five minutes. I think what's set me off is The Great British Sewing Bee and the lady who sews but has a young baby. I am putting off sewing dd1's Brownie badges on let alone doing leisure sewing. But part of me wants to spur myself into action because they won't want me to sew for them when they're older. Etc etc. You know what, I feel it's unlikely any of them will say they wish I'd made them more clothes!

JohnSnowsTie Sat 27-Apr-13 21:38:21

Completely understand the Forth Bridge reference! Housework feels like that. Almost pointless sometimes.

I always wanted to write a novel. Had DD1, and with her came endless time to write as she slept for long periods in the afternoon. Great, thought I. But after DD2's arrival and the inevitable alternate sleeping shifts, the time soon fizzled down to an hour a day. And that's the hour I need to just tune out, drink tea and think of nothing. I know I'll regret letting the "dream" go but I can't run myself into the ground, esp now DC3's on the way.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 27-Apr-13 21:47:09

i have got absolutely loads done today.... I slept 7 hourrs last night and it made a massive difference. normally, I am a stare at the wall and go back to bed sort of person. ds does not sleep well either.

never underestimate the effect of lack of sleep. shock <--- yawn it drains you of motivation and energy.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 27-Apr-13 21:53:08

the standards I aim for is to keep it in a state good enough not to freak out social services. grin

ds is like a tasmanian devil whirliing round scattering toys/laundry/books in his wake.

Molehillmountain Sat 27-Apr-13 21:54:08

Yes-the sleep thing! And it tricks you too into not blaming it for your lack of motivation too, or that's what I find.
I was going to start a children's clothes business when I had long sleeping dd1. Ha! But you know what, It really doesn't matter.

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