about a cardigan knitted by my granny

[AhCmonSeriouslyNow]

I shall try to state this as factually as possible so excuse my any abruptness of tone.

My brother and his wife are due to have a baby next month after, very sadly, suddenly and unexpectedly, having their first child die the day after he was born.
I have 2 children as does my other brother. For each of these children, my granny knitted them 2 newborn size cardigans. She died 2 years ago.

I want to give one of the cardigans from my son, one he never wore, to my brother for his child.
My OH says that he doesn't want to give it away as he really felt that he had a connection with my granny in a way he doesn't with the rest of my family, had great respect from her (we were going to give her name to my son if he had been a girl). However,giving away this one cardigan, still leaves us with 3 - one that was too small for my daughter, the one she actually wore and the one my son actually wore.

Would I be unreasonable to just go ahead and send the cardigan to my brother anyway. It would be ages (if ever) before OH would notice.
Or should I respect his wishes on this?

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

I would personally. My gran left me her 2 rings. I already had 2 children and she spoiled them rotten. When my only girl cousin gave birth to her first she missed out because granny had already passed on. I have her one of the rings. It was a wrench, but my cousin is lovely, and I had so much and do many memories, I felt I wanted to share.

[SomethingOnce]

I think your OH is BU, and I wonder if there's something else going on here, tbh. Does he get on with your brother?

I'm not sure it would be right to send it behind your OH's back, though.

It's a lovely gesture - sorry your OH is being obstructive.

[EverythingIsTicketyBoo]

I think oh is being a bit u, she was your Gran, this is your brother and the cardi was never worn so no sentimental memories attached to it.I think it would be lovely for your DB to have a cardi from Gran for their dc.

Just do it!

[Aniseeda]

You could have another go at convincing him, explaining why you want your brother to have the cardigan but, if he really doesn't want to, I think you should respect his wishes.

I'd be upset if I asked my DH not to give something away and he went ahead and did it anyway.

[SkiBunnnnny]

I would send the cardigan but I wouldn't do it behind your OH's back. Can you say something to him along the lines of "I know the cardigans mean a lot to you, they do to me too. I think it would make granny happy to know that brother would get one for his child too."

[AgentZigzag]

'I think your OH is BU, and I wonder if there's something else going on here, tbh. Does he get on with your brother?'

That's what I thought reading the OP, there must be another reason for it because there are three other cardigans he can remember your granny fondly by, if he thought so much about her why wouldn't he want to share the things she made with her other GC?

I wouldn't go behind his back and do it anyway though, but is he going to kick up a stink if you bring it up again?

[UniqueAndAmazing]

i think he's being too precious.

your DS never wore it.
i think it would be a lovely gesture to your DB to give him the cardi. what a lovely connection with your granny.

(i could understand it if he had worn it)

[nilbyname]

Your OH is BU, so I would go ahead and send. But I would be telling him that I was doing so and be ready to have an agry bargy about it.

Such a shame your dh can't see how thoughtful you are being and how much it will mean to bil.

[CandidaDoyle]

I agree with SomethingOnce, is there something else going on?

I've saved all my late grandmother's wonderful hand knitted creations on the off chance one of my siblings ever has children. Even towards the end when she had crippling arthritis in her hands she still loved to make things for my children.

When the time comes to pass them on, I can't imagine my DH having any problem with that, other than checking their all freshly washed and ready to wear. Which is why I wonder there may be more to this for your OH.

[AhCmonSeriouslyNow]

He is fine with my brother - I think he was trying to make the point that he really liked my granny, which is nice, but I just feel passing this on - given that we do have others - is no dint in that.

Hmm...will have to weigh up whether it's worth having a showdown about! This kind of gesture is usually right up his alley!

[SomethingOnce]

But surely him saying "I really liked your granny" would express that? It's not clear what he thinks the withholding of knitwear will achieve.

I hope he changes his mind so you can do this nice thing for your brother.

[SkiBunnnnny]

If its down to his affection for your granny I would really go down the "it's what she would have wanted" route.

[taxi4ballet]

Could you lend it to your brother, and he could then return it once the baby has outgrown it?

[Pilgit]

Maybe point out that this would be a way of keeping her memory alive as it would mean something to all parties? That would be a lovely way of honouring her memory. Is he superstitious about giving things before birth? I am - I don't even start knitting until the baby is here - all present and correct (cue sleepless night as i frantically whip something up)

[Footface]

I would send it, and tell him I was going to send it, rather than not telling him.

It's a lovely thing for you to do

[bamboostalks]

Well he sounds a bit unhinged to me. You have the one cardi your son actually wore. This one would be a lovely gift to a couple who deserve it. What kind of bond does he need with someone else's granny? Fight him down. There are some strange folk out there.

[Letitsnow9]

Why not lend it?

[aldiwhore]

It's your Granny and your Brother so initially I thought your DH's attitude was odd. However, my own DH adored my late Granny and their relationship brought me closer to her, I saw her as a person not just 'Granny' so I would probably try to respect his feelings on the matter. You don't have to be blood to love a person.

When 'the two Ethels' die I will be bereft, I'm not related to them in any way, don't know any of their blood family, but I've adopted them as my own Grannies and love them dearly.

I'm on the fence I think.

If the goalposts change and your brother mentions that he'd have liked Granny to knit his children cardigans, then that puts a different spin on it. If he hasn't mentioned it, then perhaps it would be fine all round not to offer it?

I don't think YABU though.

[zeeboo]

This is a case of "what would granny do" she would want the new baby to have a gran-knit cardigan and your dh probably knows that. Approach him from that angle and how happy it would make Granny if she knew.
OR you or Dh knit the new nephew a cardi to start a new family tradition. Someone is going to have to replace Granny and keep up the tradition at some point

[cocolepew]

I think he is neing very unreasonable, and a bit odd tbh.

[ENormaSnob]

Your dh sounds odd imo.

[StuntGirl]

I agree, go down the "It's what she would have wanted" route and play up the fact that it will keep her spirit alive for a whole new generation of your family.

[WestieMamma]

I think it's lovely that you want to give one to your brother. We had a similar situation and it wouldn't have crossed my mind not to do like wise. My MIL has two sons, both in their 40s married to women in their 40s. Neither had any children and she had resigned herself to having no grandchildren.

When I found out I was pregnant at 41, she was over the moon and gave me the blankets and cardigans she'd kept from when her boys were little. Some knitted by her and some by their grandmothers. Two months later SIL announced that she was expecting too. I gave half the stuff back to MIL so she could give it to them. She wouldn't have dreamt of asking for any of it back, but was really pleased that I did.