To want to slap some sense into o.h's boss? Sorry for the long one!!

[dilanddan]

Before I start, I'd just like to say I'm totally aware people have it way worse than we do, but I've totally had enough of this guy.

O.h works in a big laundry, he does the engineering and maintenance of the machines as well as the I.T work. He does get called onto working on the factory floor alot too, even though this element has been removed from his contract now that he's been trained to do the IT and engineering.

When our little girl was born, he was given 1 week paternity leave and 1 week holiday. We popped into his workplace a week before he was due back, which I regret now as his boss asked him to come back a few days earlier than planned (the place was pretty much falling apart, the computer systems were down and they'd had a fire somehow)

Christmas came and the holiday dates o.h had booked months in advance were refused, so he barely got to see l.o over her 1st christmas, which really upset me.

So we looked ahead to l.o's 1st birthday. His boss likes people to put in for their holiday a minimum of 2 weeks in advance in order for it not to be refused. So, with l.o's b.day in July, o.h submitted a form requesting 1 week off (this was submitted in February) and was told it would be very likely he'd be allowed it. So we began making plans to go away for the week and take l.o to Sea Life and just have a relaxing time away. So on Monday o.h emailed me to say that the holiday week had been refused and he's now been told to apply for the week before. I was virtually in tears as he'll now have to work on l.o's b.day (it wouldn't have upset me so much if he hadn't have missed l.o's first xmas too)

I got so angry and told him to ask his boss when would be convenient for him to have time off around his daughter's special day. I get an email reply telling me that he had to work til 8pm that night as the computers have gone crazy again... so I phoned him (he was in the same room as his boss) and started yelling down the phone that his boss has no loyalty to anyone and that he's not breaking his back for his boss as long as his boss is going to do absolutely nothing for anyone else.

There's been occasions in the past where people have booked their children's birthdays off a week in advance rather than the required two, but when it comes to my o.h he's not allowed it months in advance.

So WIBU to go and slap some sense into this man and slash o.h's tyres on the 1st day of the week my l.g turns 1 so he cant get to work??!!!

[EasilyBored]

He submitted holiday in February, and it wasn't accepted it refused until now? That's unreasonable, however you shouldn't make plans until holiday has been officially agreed. It sounds like an unpleasant situation, but that's the nature of some jobs I'm afraid.

[Justforlaughs]

YANBU, and it sounds like your OH needs to find another job. Then go and slash away! It won't made it feel any better now but your DC won't remember and it will make very little difference to her whether you have a family day out on the actual day or a week earlier.

[tablefor4]

There are two issues here.

1. missing your DD's birthday. Here you are being somewhat precious. My DH (and me, come to that) both worked on both our DDs first birthdays. We simply arranged a family party on a different day.
   

1. your DH being put upon at work and the boss messing around with planned holidays and not giving leave. Here you are not being unreasonable. Clearly, people need to be given permission for holidays well in advance so that they can book holidays and feel confident that they can go. If this boss is jerking your husband around so much I would be tempted to suggest that you DH either leave for a new job or bargain a pay raise since he is so invaluable.

[StuntGirl]

You keep sayng "I'm so upset", how does your husband feel about the situation?

But yes YABVU to call your husband at work and yell about his boss so he can hear it. Do you think that will make life easier for your husband?!

[cantspel]

She is only one so wont know when her birthday is so just do something nice the week before if that is the only week he can get off.

I can see why it has annoyed you but if he cant get the time off then it is better to make the most of the time he can get rather than get upset about something that cant be changed.

[Crinkle77]

what reasons has the boss given for refusing his leave. Maybe he needs to say to his boss if I can't have me leave at these times then when can I? TBH your daughter isn't going to know it's her first birthday so won't be missing out.

[SacreBlue]

I think stuntgirl's comment is very pertinent, if your OH is not bothered enough to stand up for himself (re booking/changing time off) then you getting in the middle of it will only muddy the water at best or make you look demented at worst.

It's his job, therefore his business/battle, I would be supportive but not taking it on myself.

[SomethingProfound]

It does sound like his boss relies heavily upon your DH. The way I see it you have two options;

1. If there is a real possibility he could find a new job, he should have a meeting with his boss explain he is very unhappy with the situation, and unless it is rectified he will have to reconsider his position.
   
   This will only work if you are prepared for his boss to call your bluff, and don't follow such as approach until there are other opportunities in the pipe line.
   
   
2. If finding a new job is not an option it may just be a case of like it or lump it.
   
   I would be inclined to struggle on at the moment, I understand its upsetting to have special occasions ruined by work but take comfort in the fact your DD won't remember these events.
   
   In the long run having a stable source of income needs to be the priority over two special days in the year.
   
   Also I agree with what other posters have said do not get involved yourself your DH needs to be the one to resolve this, it is incredibly unprofessional for you and him to be shouting down the phone at each other when he is in the office with his boss and hardly likely to endear your DH to him.

[dilanddan]

He's pretty upset too. And we have been looking for a new job for him.
Sorry, the reason why I'm so upset is due to the fact that o.h is so messed around by his boss. He'll get asked on the same day to work til late and get called late on a Friday or Saturday night and told he has to work the next day.

As I said, I know we're not the worst off, I just wish o.hs boss wasn't so unreasonable!

[Oblomov]

You are being a bit precious about your dd's birthday. She is only 1 and will not remember.

Is your husband very laid back and a bit subserviant? Why is he being so weak and not standing up for himself and allowing himself to be treated like a doormat?

Why did he go back, after dd was born? Anyone with any common sense, knows what their boss is like, could have predicted that the place would be in a real mess and would know that the boss would pressure them into coming back a few days early.
Has your dh got no common sense at all. He should have stayed well away. And when asked to come back early, politley refused.
Does your husband have any strength or spine at all?

And knowing what boss was like. Why did he not email, in march, confirming holiday thta was submitted in feb. what does the handbook say? Holidays will be agreed withing what time limit? I would have chased and chased. And then sent an e-mail to secretary, HR, boss , saying as I haven't heard, I have now taken it as granted. Unless I here otherwise in the next 48 hours etc etc. I would ahev done thta in March or April.

All this could have prevented. It you had had taken preventative action.