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AIBU to feel like a failure

(5 Posts)
gettngbetter Thu 25-Apr-13 22:03:31

Feeling a bit fed up with myself!

My boss told me today I'm being moved to a new position in the company. He tried to make it sound like a positive step - but really it's a demotion. I feel rubbish about this.

My parents always had such high expectations for me. I understand why they wanted me to do the best I could - but because I haven't lived up to what they expected I feel like a failure. They've never said anything but I imagine they're disappointed as I don't have the big high powered job they'd hoped I would. I've even kind of bent the truth with them about the job im in now so it sounds a little bit more important than it is -because I can't bear the sense of disappointment!

I was having a few drinks with a cousin of mine recently and after a few glasses of wine she told me she couldn't understand why I wasn't working in the job I'd trained for - that it was such a waste of all that training. I said the job didn't make me happy and I didn't want to spend my life doing a job I didn't like as it would be a waste of my life - (but the real reason was that I'm not cut out for that job)

I was good at exams in school - mainly because I spent way too much time studying and didn't really have many friends.

I think people think because im good at exams that im clever and will do well - but I don't think I'm intelligent. I'm not saying I'm stupid - as I must have some ability if I can do well in exams - but I think people who can think on their feet or think laterally are much more intelligent.

I trained for a profession that really I shouldn't have gone in to as it doesn't suit my personality at all. Because of the recession there were no jobs in that area so I managed to get a job in a related field. The job I got was much easier then the one I trained for but I've never got in to the swing of it - and just feel like I'm dropping down all the time to lower level jobs in the company.

I'm embarrassed because other people in the company will know I've essentially been demoted.

I know I shouldn't care what other people think but I can't help it

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

HellesBelles396 Thu 25-Apr-13 22:07:48

all the time - I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be by now and my brother and cousins are all more successful and more settled than I am.

if you are unhappy about the new job because you won't enjoy it, you should look elsewhere.

if you are unhappy about it because if how others might view it, time will mend this. just work through.

I hope everything turns out well.

HollyBerryBush Thu 25-Apr-13 22:12:32

Retrain, improve your skill set and do something you are good at.

you're a long time at work to be bored/unhappy or treading water.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 25-Apr-13 22:20:23

Yes - was academic, did really well, chose wrong career, really unhappy, felt a failure, friends all high flying

Do I care anymore? Noooooo

Find what you love and where you feel comfortable. That might be outside work for now - a hobby. Try and explore the non-academic side of yourself - perhaps you feel the only worthwhile jobs are straight down the line professions.

Don't expect other people to understand - wanting others to understand is like wanting their approval. The only person whose approval matters is yours. When you get your head round that, you won't worry what others think. I know for damn sure some people don't "get" my career trajectory

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 25-Apr-13 22:23:23

I was talking about your cousin, BTW regarding not understanding.

As for your parents - are you sure they are disappointed? I wonder if that's a projection. Did they drive/push you when you were a child, or did that come from you?

The reason I ask is that I imagined my mum would be disappointed with me, because she never had the chances I had, but truly, she wants me to be happy.

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