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To feel very very upset at this

(28 Posts)
almost50 Thu 25-Apr-13 04:23:40

Me and dh are having problems which is another long story but centre around him having let me down over the duration of our marriage (15 years). I have been out of FT work since our dd1 (we have two children) was 2 years old (she is now 11), looking after them. I have been trying to keep my hand in by doing hourly paid work for the past 5 years. We both work at the same place. There is the chance of FT job coming up soon here and dh knows that I would want to apply.

I've just accessed his email (I don't trust him as he has let me down repeatedly in the past and I feel I need to know his plans for the future as I am without secure income and have both myself 2 dds to consider).

It turns out that he has sent an email to a colleague about inviting another candidate (from another organisation) to the interview process when the job's advertised. I feel stabbed in the back. I've been trying so hard to get back to full time work and he knows this.

I feel utterly bereft and am sat here in tears. I feel he is almost whipping up the competition against me. Am I unjustified in feeling so devastated by this? I took an extended child care break to look after our children.

Emily28 Thu 25-Apr-13 10:57:47

Look: confront him.
You need tot ell him how you feel and see whether he'll understand.
Try to remain calm instead of having a proper argument.
Admit that it is not the best thing ever that you went and looked at his emails and let him know you have to take care of the relationship and understand why he's done to you in the career side of things.

AlnwickRose Thu 25-Apr-13 11:20:35

If I were the other colleague I would think he had behaved very bizarrely.

Pandemoniaa Thu 25-Apr-13 11:53:11

YANBU to feel let down. However, I am concerned at how the boundaries between work and home have become blurred because actually, I'm sure you are in contravention of IT policies by reading your dh's work emails. I can understand why you feel you need to do so but it is something that could get you into trouble and certainly, if discovered, it could jeopardise your chance of getting a FT job with the organisation.

I get the impression (as is often the case) that there's a lot more going on behind the scenes here but I'm not sure that working in the same place is any help at all right now.

Incidentally, DP and I used to work for the same organisation. Our relationship was known about but never brought to work. However, neither of us were allowed to be involved in the interview process for each other. Let alone be seen to intervene in it.

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